Holidays for Me.. None for You!

Im baaaacckkkk. Thats right, I have taken a few precious moments from my holidays to jump online and post to my blog. Although, so far it hasnt been much of a holiday. Moving tends to knock out most of the benefits of not beeing within a 50km radius of work. But now, snugly located in my new Crib a.k.a Crapshack I am now well and truly into the holiday swing of things.



Kicking back, timtams, beer, chips and pizza. The geek staple diet. All my computer related hardware all setup/unpacked and foxtel digital sitting here just waiting to be put to use.



Im going to be very busy!

Bye Bye Mister Crapshack

Well, its almost that time. Today is my last day in this very honourable crapshack that has been home for the last 12 months. In retrospect I probably wont miss this place too much, and am looking forward to getting the hell out!



Its not a bad crapshack by any means, Im just really over it. Strata management must be licenced agents of Satan, and the presence of the complex nark has only aggrivated the strangehold that strata has over this place.



But enough of that, Im off to finish cleaning this stupid place. Fricken final inspection crap.

Exeunt

Oh well, this will be my last post for at least another month.. Why? Well for starters I am on annual leave and will be kicking back at home. The closest thing I will be doing is firing up my xbox, or continuing my quest to translate aerial photography of alaska into Simcity 4 regions - nothing even remotely close to being online :)



Now some of you may be saying "Hell, you routinely dissapear for months/years on end without posting didly squat!". Well, while totally true I thought a final buh bye post was in order. Want to contact me? Well gee, I feel so lucky. If you know me, call my mobile, if you dont - call a shrink.



I bid thee farewell!!

Paid Promotional Message

Just received an email from a work friend about a book thats hit the stands. Very interesting stuff.





I thought you may be interested in this article on the impact of the Australia-
US FTA on Australia's high-tech industries:



http://www.smh.com.au/news/Technology/Patently-yours/2004/11/25/1101219671693.html



It is based on the book "How to Kill a Country: Australia's Devastating Trade
Deal with the USA" (written by Dr Elizabeth
Thurbon, and her colleagues Professors Linda Weiss and John Mathews).





visit www.australianinterest.com for more on Australian foreign economic policy.

Now this is Sad...

So why am I posting it? THis is the Mofoisms baby! Yeah!! Full of cromulent crappulent crud..

Im Excited!

Ok, and before anyone says it..not in a "big Kev" kinda way! I found the coolest web archive site and have been surfing down memory lane looking at some of the weird and wonder creations over the years.



Heres a sneak peak:



x-y-z-files.ml.org

This site has been around as long as the hills (sounds of plucking banjos in the backgrounds). Used to be one kickass document repository. It died a sad and painful death. One of my very first sites!



www.ic-networks.com

Ahhh yes, good old ic-networks. This is possibly my second oldest site ever. I have that domain for years until i let it gracefully expire this year. At one time or another it was a portal.




parenthesis of Life

Damn i loved this site. It was a knowledge,literary repository where people could enter poems, and other literary sources. Used flat files before databases became popular and it rans for years on end. I still have dreams of reviving this one, and still to this day have heaps of the original material!




MonkeySpank

Another one of my personal favourites! Lots of fun, yet pointless and kindof sad. One day I will revive the monkey who is criogenically frozen orbiting the earth.



Centroid

Another failed web design company (how many is that now.. 3? 4?) Had the absolute coolest animated gif logo ;)~~~




There you have it.. Im a bit sad they didnt archive any of my earlier work.. But hey!! its all good!!!

Classic Sig

Courtesy of Pirate Boy (a.k.a Mattius) I thought it was an absolute crackup!



This email may not have been sent to you but someone else. If you are not that someone else but someone other than them please contact your legal department and ask them who you are. That being the case destroy this message (only after you know who I am) and then forward your own message to whoever I thought the original person was. Remember in most states and territories it is a crime to pretend to be someone you are not.

Desktop Background

May I ask the question - what gives a company the right to place downright ugly Desktop Backgrounds onto your PC?

I work for a company most of you here know. Today, upon login, my desktop background changed to a woman with glowing breasts ... flying through the sky.

Could someone please tell me what that has to do with electricity?

Thanks in advance....

Would you like Cheese with that?

Now just before I start I want to state emphatically that I am not a nutter, and I don't belong in some sort of Dark, Quasi Gothic insane asylum (ala Gothika).



Have you ever thought to yourself.. "Damn I could go some cheese right now". No? Comon!! be Honest. I mean what could be better than a big chunk of Cheddar, or Colby..mmm Colby. As a matter of fact, I could go some now. Cheese goes with everything. There is nothing that cheese cannot do. As a matter of fact, im going to start a Cheese fanclub. Who wants to join?



There are even books on the subject. "Who Stole the Cheese" is apparently a vivid tale about some sort of business/management crap (I think it was the mouse). So whos the nutter now? But wait, theres more. Theres another book called "Who Stole My Cheese" which is an absolute crackup!



Begin paid promotional message: Buy it Now!

OpenBSD 3.6 Release

OpenBSD 3.6 is out and looking fab! Latest additions include SMP Support for i386 and AMD64 (Finally!! W00t w00t) and heaps of other cool bugfixes, further security enhancements etc etc.



For those who have never heard/seen OpenBSD it is designed with Security as the highest priority. One remotely exploitable hole in 9 years aint bad!!! Check it out!



OpenBSD 3.6 Release

Music Overload

Now I'll be the first to admit that I have bought quite a few music CDs in my time (probably waaay too many) - but I have noticed that lately that I have a tendency to overload way too much on a single CD.



How is this possible? Stuffed if I know. I usually end up buying a CD, listening to it ad-nauseum for a few days, then discard it to the ever growing pile of CDs. As time progresses, the mean-time to ad-nauseum seems to be getting shorter. This indeed is a disturbing trend.



I remember the good old days where you would buy an album and listen to it for months on end, never tiring of the awesome guitar riffs, ballads etc. Could it be that in this virtual, manufactured, post-modern universe we exist in, that music has lost its soul? Who knows, or more to the point - does anyone care? After all there is so much _new_ music every single day that we now have the option to chuck it away.



And so on and so forth....

Organising Groups of Ladies (sorry Guys!)

Here is something to test your patience, or mine actually. I am planning a trip to Oaks Day on Thursday - fabulous, dressing up, pretty shoes ... la la la ... and attempting to organise 6 other ladies who also wish to go. First, it was listening to how "they have nothing to wear" - NO, last year's dress WILL NOT DO! Then how we could not possibly PRE PLAN the purchase of tickets to said event. NO, we will stand in the queue on the day for at least an hour and attempt to purchase our tickets.

But first, let's meet for breakfast - NO, we cannot plan that either - I tried, last month to arrange and book . NO! was the cry, let's just wait and see .... and now every single breakfast place is booked out, no champagne for us PRE-Races ... probably lining up at the Golden Arches ..... before herding onto the train to stand in the damn queue ...

Mantra: I will have a nice day; I will have a nice day!

Icon Wars

View Now!


Thanks to DownloadGirl for this link! Its one of the funniest things I have seen in a long time (I havent been getting out much!) Check it out!!!!

Microsoft Plans Network Through Human Body

Microsoft has been awarded a patent for a technology that uses the conductivity of the human body to create a network. The patent covering transmitting power and data using the human body was awarded in late June and is a fascinating insight into the type of personal network we may all be using within a few years, in the words of a company which will almost certainly be one of the defining players in the evolution of human computing.



Microsoft's patent covers a technology that distributes both power and data to devices (e.g. a speaker, display, watch, keyboard, etc) coupled to the human body via electrodes. A pulsed DC signal or AC signal is used as the power source, and by using multiple power supply signals of differing frequencies, different devices can be selectively powered.




View the Article



View the Patent Application

Click Clack ...

Who in their right mind would design a general use walkway in an office, and cover it with WOOD? Come on, tell me! Anyone?

Click Clack, Clomp Clomp, Shuffle Shuffle ..... bloody hell, pick up your feet, or don't wear shoes.
There's an IDEA - wear SOCKS.

"Hi, new employee. Please remove your shoes and wear these socks when walking down our wooden walkway. Less annoying for the poor losers who were unfortunate enough to get a desk that backs onto the walkway".

Still living on a promise ........ Promise we will be closing up the "hole - also known as a gap in the wall looking like a doorway" sometime in the distant future.

There will be blood spilled ...............

Brain Defrag

Another day, another thought process. Sometimes i think my brain operates quite differently depending on various environmental factors, such as - number of dipshits within a radius of 15-20 metres, current carefactor quotient, number of crunchy wheatbix I had for breakfast, number of twat drivers I had to give the finger to on the way to work, and a variety of other dependencies of course.



My general malaise and malcontent obviously is also a factor, but sometimes I really wonder. I think my brain needs to be defragged. I have so much crap stuffed all over the place that my thought processes seem to take much longer and with far less dexterity then in previous years. Could it be my brain needs to be defragged? Anyone have a util?

Rateless Internet

Rateless Internet is an Internet transport protocol implemented over UDP, meant as a better replacement of TCP. TCP's legacy design carries a number of inefficiencies, the most prominent of which is its inability to utilize most modern links' bandwidth. This problem stems from the fact that TCP calculates the congestion of the channel based on its round-trip time. The round-trim time, however, reflects not only the congestion level, but also the physical length of the connection. This is precisely why TCP is inherently unable to reach optimal speeds on long high-bandwidth connections.



A secondary, but just as impairing, property of TCP is its inability to tolerate even small amounts (1% - 3%) of packet loss. This additionally forces TCP to work at safe and relatively low transmission speeds with under 1% loss rates. Nevertheless, our extended real-life measurements show that highest throughput is generally achieved at speeds with anywhere between 3% and 5% loss.

Rateless Internet Website

Geek Sleep Patterns/Geek Apathy

Yet again, another early start. I feel like someone has injected "NoMoreGaps" directly into my brain. After months and months of quasi normal sleep patterns I feel like a zombie. And why?



And then it dawned on me. With the emergence of an almost fully functional life lately, my ye olde Geek habits have started to slip. No longer do I stay up til the break of dawn, no longer do I spend 12+ hours a day in front of my console. Maybe my body is having troubles adapting?



Afters years of strange sleep patterns I had matured into quite an elaborate sleep pattern which basically involved staying awake until my body forced me to sleep. Of course this could be arraigned by the use of over the counter "wake up" drugs and caffiene (ever tried drinking 8 black stallions in 1 hour? Dont! *TRUST ME ON THIS* - see Theory of Monkey to see what incoherant babblings resulted from that..) but in the end your lying face down on a keyboard and thats all that matters.



And so the circle of life continues.. *fade to lion king music*

Captain Obvious

I have become a new Superhero. I am Captain obvious, and I have the power to point out the completely obvious for any given situation. I walk the streets pointing out obvious details like "Its raining" or "the sky is blue" or "Project managers are stupid" or even "An arts degree is useless". There is no end to what I can achieve.



I must only use my impressive super-haman powers to annoy!

Great Weather For Ducks *quack quack*

What is the go with Sydney Weather Lately? One week we have the hottest October Day on record of a hair over 38 degrees celcius, and now we have 15 degrees and raining? Am i taking crazy pills here?



It wouldnt be so bad if I could actually see some ducks. But nooooo. Not a duck to be seen. If its such good weather for them, then why arent they all over the place? huh? Answer Me!



Be very very quiet, im hunting Quackers...

Gen X Marks the Spot

Heres one very very very kickass article..



Check it Out!




Exerp: (c) Matt Rodgers

Call them slackers at your peril. Chances are good that somewhere in your company there's a generation X employee who wants your job . . .

It was only a few years ago that many baby boomer IT executives were planning to retire early. The late 90s were heady days, and there was much talk of cashing in stock options and escaping the rat race while still young enough to enjoy life - maybe travel, maybe write a book or maybe do some fishing.

Not any more.

I'm not going to Sleep til I finish my Pyramid...

Its 2am. Silence, besides the faint theme music from the game "Pharaoh" filtering through the still night air. Sleep is not an option, I'm halfway through building a pyramid and I will be stuffed if I'm going to leave at such an important stage of the game.



Time passes.. How long can it take to build a fricken pyramid I ponder.. The little plebs are milling around moving more and more stone onto the rising structure.. Microsleeps are taking over. Even the caffiene isn't even working anymore. My goal is clear however! Finish the pyramid and I can go to sleep.



More time passes. Then some more.. and so on and so forth...



Huzzah! Finally the stupid crappy, POS thing is finished. Now I can go to sleep.. Right after I finish this level...



Damn you Pharaoh!

Look Ma! Im in Google

Try searching for mofoisms on google ;) My site is NUMBER 1. of one.. but
thats not the issue!



I'm number 1!!!! In your face space coyote!!


Google the Mofo

Alien Vs The Smurfs

After looking at another pathetic movie attempt a.k.a "Alien Vs Predator" I wondered to myself.. What would be a good match for the Alien? Then it dawned on me.. Armed Smurfs..



Ok.. quiet in the back! No I havent gone insane, and while I am slightly overdue for my compulsary monthly catscan I will continue to digress down my little meandering path of insanity.



Can you imagine, an armed militia of covert ops style smurfs. Complete with big guns, rocket launchers and whatever else (maybe axes to continue along with the current smurf technological era). The Alien wouldnt stand a chance. Once those little blue f_ckers start chopping they dont stop. I mean.. hell.. if they can handle gargamel I will back the little champs. Ill put 50 smackers on the table right now.



No I know there are some people that would say I am betting on the smurfs because (on occasion) I have actually believed I had the power to morph into a smurf. Now while this may be(read: definately) is an ability of mine, and I do know all the words to the smurf theme song I am definately an impartial party.



Patent pending, patent pending, patent pending.

Junk Proportional Theory

"DNA is a quaternary code, since at each point, there is the possibility of one of the four different acids (a, c, g or t) being present. Since the genetic sequence only needs to make up 24 chromosome parts, only 3 bases are needed (not 8, as in computers) - 42 only gives 16, so 43 is required, giving 64 combination options. That means there is a lot of "unused space" (40 unused points). At present, scientists fondly refer to this as "junk" but its use will no doubt be found in time."



Whoah you say, have I stumbled into an online copy of "New Scientist". And before you flee screaming in terror I do have a point. Whilst contemplating the meaning of the universe today I have stumbled across some interesting theories on the amount of useless shit in our little universe.



Its everywhere, even in our very DNA,its in our workplace, in our daily routines, and especially in TV. As such I have a new Theory. Its Marks Patented (Patent Pending!) "Junk Proportional Theory". Proportional to what I hear you ask? Proportional to the rational space within which it is located - thats where!



My theory dictates that for every spatial environment there is a proportional amount of useless molecules made up into an array of equally useless (and even annoying) particles of even more irrational and idiotic lifeforms or inanimate objects. These entities are basically provided by the universe as a means of balance where the Junk Entities counteract the forces of the logical entities.



Most often thismaterialises into such tripe as "Survivor" the TV Series (or pretty much any reality TV shows), project managers, business analysts,anyone with an Arts/Psycology Degree, Dog-Clothes, gnome toilet brush holders and other totally ludicrous entities..



There is plenty of empirical evidence all around us. its only a matter of time before I manage to figure out how this relates to the theory of monkey, and the theory of bear (and what evil overtones could be contained therein)..so for the moment it is a theory in isolation. Boo hoo.

Classic Games: More Addictive?

Yes, its finally happened. I bought a few "old school" games online that i used to play yonks ago and having laid my hot little hands on them yesterday I proceeded to play "Pharoah" non-stop for around 5 hours.

Now fairly similar to when you leave a PC monitor on for too long without a screensaver, i believe I may now have images from Pharaoh burned into my retina. Oh well, I could think of worst things that could happen.

For some strange incoherant reason I don't seem to have the same enthusiasm for some of the new fleet of games. Classic though still seem to be highly addictive. games like Pharoah/Cleopatra, Warcraft II, Transport Tycoon and Starcraft just seem to be so more enjoyable to play than new games like Warcraft 3. Who the hell knows why. At least the old games are cheaper. Ahh the circle of life.

billycorgan.com

Howdy Howdy, Looks like Billy Corgan (as if you dont know who he is!) Has himself quite a cool little blogski Online! Really worth a read. Go Billy!

billycorgan.com

Geekdom: When is enough too much?

Was sitting here pondering whilst basking in the early morning light (it burns..arggggg) and contemplating what kindof "screen time: if you will i spend doing geek related stuff with computers, electronics, human cloning or blasting across the alkalai flats in a jet powered monkey navigated device of some kind.



And it dawned on me... I dont spend nearly as much time as I once did... is it possible i have had some sort of geek burnout, too much code and not enough human interaction. This is indeed a possibility. Maybe there is some sort of hard limit in my brain for how many total characters of code i can write before it just shuts down.



Who the hell knows! (or cares for that matter). My preemptive malcontent seems to have expanded (like a borg) assimilating all in its path. You will be assimilated.



I bid you adieu.

Computer Interaction: Natural or Just Plain Wrong

Well Im back! Did you go somewhere I hear you ask? Well as you might have guessed from the lack of excrement eminating from this vainglorious crucible I was on leave for a week! A week? Holy Batshit Batman thats insane! Me? Take Holidays? I know the very thought is somewhat laughable *ha ha* But its true.



But wait, there are even more startling revelations. I didnt touch a computer in almost 7 days! And from that little experience I have started thinking about human/computer interaction. Now its my time to digress on an inevitable tangent..



Feels somehow strange to be using a computer again..almost unnatural! I mean, after all are humans really designed to interface continually with computers. I mean after all, were computers around when we were designed (by god, aliens planting seeds on an infertile world, darwanism a.k.a "stinky monkeys" or just plain morphed from ameobas? The answer is no. Though, after all humans did design computers, but are the interfaces they provide merely the best possible interface, or just the cheapest and easiest?



Thinking more about this and all the possibilities, I wonder why the hell I should give a damn. This post is over. Exeunt.

Early Starts: Belated or Overrated

Here i am..its before 8am and Im at my console wondering what the hell im doing here. I mean hell, i could be sleeping right now. Then the thought occured to me.. Is it huma nly possible that I enjoy early starts?



Lets look at the cons. Noone is here for one, its quiet as well a crypt (not that im a subject matter expert on crypts - I digress) there is noone to bother me! The Latte sipping, buzzword slanging, voicemail leaving gang of project managers, business analysts and other miscreants are still sound asleep. Traffic is better thats for sure, and generally speaking I am as technically close to being awake and asleep at the same time. The general miscontent hasnt set in yet, and while im not overly happy to be here, its almost - bearable. Of course with the passing of the day it will hasten a growing lack of carefactor - but that is to be expected.



Meanwhile Im going to sit back, slowly savor my mocha caramel latte and stare into the abyss! Good day to you!

Rabid Diplomacy

How many times has someone pissed you off so much that you have thought you would just snap and go nuts - like for example smacking someone with a chair, defaming them in a very very public place or maybe sending around the moose for a little "one on one" time?



I really dont mind people that take offence, damn its your god given right. What I cannot stand is people that bottle up shit and just act like utter pricks until the end of time. Theres an old saying.. Build a F**king Bridge People! Acting like utter pricks sends my personal evaluation of your character down by at least 50 Shithead points.



Did I piss you off? Let me know. Kick me in the shins, call me a moron and get it off your chest. Honestly, is that so hard! Hell I would even settle for some good old retribution, revenge or whatever. Its all good!

Memories are Designed to Fade

While im on a tangent here I might as well post one of my original works from about 5 years ago now, written in that somewhat disenchanting period between University and Real Life (now theres an oxymoron).



Caught on the neverending train journies allowed my mind to wander into a somewhat decadent world of visions and dreams. Funnily enough this is where I penned most of my earliest work. Forgive the title - it has overtones from a Savage Garden song





I sit and stare, on a crowded train;

People pass me by, the empty stares.

A thousand faces all cloaked in secrecy.

A quiet rhythm of eternity, of absolution;

an endless parade of illogical perceptions and glances.

I feel alone, outcast;

set aside from the ebbs and flows of what is, what must surely be the world around me.



My mind wanders in ever widening arcs of my subconscious.

Resistance is futile, as my thoughts are
arraigned by the world of dreams and visions.

That’s where you come to me, your pristine image dances before my eyes. I cant turn away,

I cant speak.. I am caught, enthralled by your beauty;

I cant escape. The world around me slowly slips from view...



Your voice whispers sweet nothingness in my ears,

it fills my mind with images and draws me further from the world and into your arms.

Your face is etched in my mind, wherever I turn I see you.

I look into your eyes and lose all sense of reality, all the truths I have relied upon are
shattered with the honesty I see in your eyes.
So pure and true, I am swallowed by their beauty;
In a moment of passion, my lips meet yours.

Soft as velvet, sweet as nectar..


A moment in time, captured for all time.

Locked in the memories of those who shared the perfect moment. Images and thoughts raced
through my mind.

A moment of true perfection, my world was complete, was pure.

The troubles of the world passed away as we held each other close. It feels so good. So real;

I close my eyes...



Time passes.. perhaps a moment.. or an eternity.

I open my weary eyes and am thrust back to the world I longed so much to remain apart from.

I longed for the moment to come back, to rescue me from the dull existence in the merry go
round of the modern world.



I sit and contemplate. My thoughts are filled with you, and nothing else. Memories of the
perfect moment flood back to me..


I close my eyes once More, and pray that you will steal me into the world of dreams...



Copyright 1997 - Me!!

A Lighter Shade of Black

Today im in one of those moods. You know, the dark, brooding moods where apathy is your only friend. My carefactor is so low I became bored calculating the decimal points. And what does one do when they are in a dark mood? Read dark poetry of course.



Now in my former years I have written many poems (usually when Im in one of these moods actually) But today Im reading something different.. Its "Glass and the Machines of God". Its a story written by Billy Corgan, the ex-lead singer of the smashing pumpkins and Zwan and has overtones which have been derived from the "Machina - Machines of God" Album.



Here is an exerp: (Copyright- Billy Corgan)

Read the Whole Story Here




GLASS AND THE MACHINES OF GOD / a modern fable

somewhere in the not so distant future, we may find a world of not so
subtle torments...for amidst the rubble of urban decay and barren
wastelands find wander a billion shattered souls...disconnected from
themselves by impersonal technologies and personal cause...one such
soul is the center of our story, and his name is GLASS...he is the
lead singer of THE MACHINES OF GOD, and he believes that GOD itself
has asked him to try to change the world...this poses two simple
questions: “what is important in a place such as this? and is GLASS
a prophet sage or just someone who has gone quite mad indeed?!...

but first we must go back into the decadent swirl of the past to set
the stage for what is to come...you see, GLASS used to be named zero,
and the band the smashing pumpkins, at least until zero convinced the
band to change the name of the group...they were the biggest band in
the world, so this was a very courageous move to make...one day zero
had been alone in his house, quietly listening to the radio when a
voice began to speak slowly and clearly to him...it was the voice he
had heard in his head since he was a child, but now it spoke to him
thru the radio...this voice, which came to be known as the I OF THE
RADIO, told zero that his life was predestined, and in order to
fulfill his destiny he would need to devote his life to a much higher
calling, one that would look beyond the material trappings of the
occluded world...this epiphany that he was indeed important was a life
changing and soul shattering experience, giving him newfound
confidence and spiritual purpose...he finds sudden clarity in his
spirit, but can now see the utter shallowness of his real (and
particularly) public life...this sudden change causes many around him
to distrust where all of this is coming from...but his band stands
with him when he changes his name to GLASS and rechristens the band
the now aptly titled MACHINES OF GOD...

in his heart however, GLASS secretly questions why he has been
chosen...he is both enamoured and flattered by the idea, but at the
same time is innately resistant to the responsibilities that this will
bring...in his mind, god has aligned himself with GLASS, and GLASS has
aligned himself with god...a messenger he shall be, but is he just a
c.o.g. within another c.o.g. within another machine?...he decides to
use the instrument of his band to spread the truth of life and that
love and only love can be the answer...so our story begins with GLASS
AND THE MACHINES OF GOD at the height of their material powers, with
the most devoted fans in the world, and having just changed the name
of the band, releasing their new album, entitled MACHINA...

for years our hero has searched for his true love, the woman of his
dreams, JUNE...he called her by many names hoping that there somewhere
out there she waited for him too...so one night after a concert, he
saw her, and right then and there he knew he had finally found
her...JUNE was his perfect reflection, everything that he was
not...she brings to him the universal truths of life and living, and a
life he has never had... what he does not realize then is that he has
fallen in love with a reflection of himself...she embodies the
darkness he can only write about...she lives the life of flesh and
bone, one he can only think about...so for one short period of time,
our hero once zero feels complete and whole, with god and a woman by
his side...

GLASS finds himself increasingly torn between his new love and his
true calling as a messenger...he doesn’t realize that he really
doesn’t have to make a choice between the light and her darkness... he
tries to find balance between his humanity and his spiritual
pursuits...unknown to GLASS, the hedonism and electric energy of
GLASS’ accelerated world fuel JUNE's ever increasing secret drug
problems...GLASS comes home one night to find JUNE in a drugged haze,
a vinyl record hissing endlessly on the out groove...JUNE is so out of
it that she doesn't recognize GLASS at all, as he calls to her to come
back to him...the truth revealed, GLASS sits next to her and, in a
rare moment of candor, reveals that god has been speaking to him thru
the radio, knowing full well that JUNE probably won't remember the
conversation...despite that, GLASS reveals that he has doubts about
the validity of the messages and wonders if he is going insane...

GLASS decides because he loves her so, he will try to save her as he
is trying to save everyone else, with the power of his healing...GLASS
is now on a crusade to save everyone in his life; his band, his girl,
his audience, and consequently the world...the only problem is that he
has forgotten to save himself...

GLASS begins to lose his balance on both ends when he becomes over
righteous and indignant in his beliefs, alienating those who already
believe in him and turning off potential new converts...GLASS sees
himself as some sort of cosmic preacher, and if he just shouts loud
enough the message will somehow get thru the din...JUNE, finding the
solace and power in GLASS that she couldn’t muster on her own, begins
to believe that she does not need him anymore...she has taken her fill
from his light, and like so many others that have taken from GLASS,
question whether they ever needed him at all...GLASS begins to bitter
at the prospect that he is being toyed with and used by god and
JUNE... slowly, GLASS begins to lose faith in his seemingly
unshakeable beliefs...he becomes paranoid, believing that everyone is
out to get him...the new album is released and is not well received by
the fans or the general public...for the first time since the band
began, GLASS is publicly humiliated...he begins to question the
validity of the messages, thinking perhaps they are from a false god
or that his filters of perception are misaligned... he begins to
descend into madness, accusing JUNE of disloyalty...in one final
argument, she admits she never loved him at all, and that she did hear
him tell her about being spoken to by god, and that she believes he is
insane...she tells him goodbye for the last time and storms off into
the rainy night...she loses control of her car, and is killed when it
skids off the road...GLASS blames god for the loss of JUNE, idealizing
his time with her because he can not let go of what her vision means
to his faith...he blames the fans for their betrayal at not supporting
and following the bands new direction...inconsolable, and without
informing the MACHINES, GLASS impulsively tells an audience one night
that the band is going to break up and will only play one more final,
and sadly tragic show...



the night before the final concert, GLASS has a prophetic dream that
he is a soldier in a war...he wears a uniform, but does not know who
the enemy is or even what side he is fighting for...he wanders the
empty streets, gun in hand, looking for anyone at all...in a dark
starewell he meets a faceless soldier who takes him by the hand into a
dusky basement...the soldier does not speak, and together they sit
underneath a single hanging bulb...he is just an animal, seeking
shelter, warmth, food, and love...this dream, and the MACHINES final
concert send GLASS into a disturbing tailspin...he feels truly and
utterly alone...

after the final concert GLASS is quickly forgotten by the public, and
he takes to living in an empty warehouse away from anyone at all...he
has always felt alone, but now all of the things that gave him
strength, focus, and identity are gone...he faces his own doubt and
mortality for the first time...he begins to walk by himself at dawn
thru the waking streets, and slowly finds an inner peace with his
spirit...he begins to forgive and accept the things that have happened
to him, and understand that his desire to find perfection above his
own humanity led him to things that he did not really want or
need...he begins to love and empathize with others without fear of
consequence, and so in his aloneness realizes that he was never really
alone at all... GOD has always been with him, and always will be...and
so in this moment he fulfills his destiny, both for himself and for
GOD...

Powered By Kudos

I don't know about you, but as a Geek i find most of the time I do work not out of pleasure, or because I have to but to help out a mate and in turn receieve the most priceless gift - Kudos!



In light of this fact, and the fact that I had a bit of free time, an educational *cough cough* copy of Photoshop and an urge to create some crappulence that I developed my Patented (patent pending) "Powered By Kudos" T-Shirt!

Never Trust a Bear

Now I have often delved into the intricate Bear-Human relationship in previous posts such as "The Theory of Bear" however until now I never had proof that bears were evil. Well here it is!!! I couldnt believe it.. Not only does the Bear like Bahai (or Bahooooolio) but little girls!! Now thats just sick!!!

Scanners - The Definative Test

Ever bought a scanner from your local computer store and thought to yourself "What can I scan to test this mofo out?", I know I sure have. And no..it wasn't something average like a boring piece of paper.



What may you ask? Well thats quite simple. My little friend the sock monkey had a once in a lifetime experience of being jammed into a flatbed scanner and scanned over and over until he asked me (quite politely) to stop..



What does this prove? Besides the fact that you can cram a sockmonkey in a Scanner? Not much.
Maybe that I have too much time on my hands, or that scanner manufacturers should design their scanners to prevent injury to an innocent sock monkey who inadvertantly crawls into a scanner.

If You Can Read this Im Busy...

Ah yes, ye olde ThinkGeek Attire. There is no way on this earth that you can have too many ThinkGeek Shirts (unless you have so many it covers the earth..but I digress!)



Here I am modelling the borderline work attire shirt. Sure its kinda nasty, and some may say not very professional. Oh well, thats just the Kind of guy I am!

PocketSOAP

This is an Open Source [MPL] SOAP client COM component for the Windows family, originally targeted at PocketPC (hence the name), there is also a Win32 version that works on Windows 95/98/Me/NT4/2000/XP. The package includes a HTTP 1.1 transport for making HTTP based SOAP requests, however the transport is separate from the main SOAP core, so any other transports can be easily added. James Clark's excellent Expat XML Parser is used for parsing the response SOAP messages.

PocketSOAP

Instructions for Dummies

"Aim towards the enemy." - Instruction printed on U.S. Army rocket
launcher


"When the pin is pulled, Mr. Grenade is not our friend." - U.S. Army
training notice



"Cluster bombing from B-52s is very, very accurate. From 30,000 feet,
every
single bomb always hits the ground." - U.S. Air Force ammunition memo.



"If the enemy is in range, so are you." - Infantry Journal



"A slipping gear could let your M203 grenade launcher fire when you
least
expect
it. That would make you quite unpopular in what's left of your unit." -
Army
preventive maintenance publication



"Try to look unimportant; they may be low on ammo." - Infantry Journal



"Tracers work both ways." - U.S. Army Ordnance Corps memo.



"Five-second fuses only last three seconds." - Infantry Journal



"Bravery is being the only one who knows you're afraid." - Col. David H.
Hackworth



"If your attack is going too well, you're probably walking into an
ambush."
-
Infantry Journal



"No combat-ready unit has ever passed inspection." - Joe Gay



"Any ship can be a minesweeper - once." - Anonymous



"Never tell the Platoon Sergeant you have nothing to do." - Unknown Army
recruit



"Don't draw fire; it irritates the people around you." - Your buddies



"If you see a bomb disposal technician running, try to keep up with
him." -
U.S.
Army ordnance manual



"It is generally inadvisable to eject directly over the area you just
bombed" -
U.S. Air Force flight training manual

Empirical Evidence

Still on this whole "Friday is Longer than 24 Hours" Topic.. So far today after intensive research and study, the empirical evidence is piling up. Friday does seem to already have extended well past the 24 hour time period and it seems blatently obvious to me that it will get to the theoretical 115 hour mark!

Ill keep you posted as I continue to struggle through this time warp!

Fridays - Time Vortex or Masochistic Nightmare?

Yet again, it is friday! Yes, its true..would I lie to you? Well maybe..but I digress. How many times have you mumbled to yourself "Thank God its Friday?" I know I have many a time. Making it worst is the appearance of Friday Time vortexs consuming everything in its path. For some unknown scientific reason, friday afternoons last for approximately 10 times longer than any other weekday.



With this in mind, and the fact that a week is a set period of time (7 X 24 hours) how can this be possible? Well the answer is extremely simple.. Either the other non-friday days are shorter (which after suffering through many a weekday can strongly contest that this is utter dribble) or the weekend days are shorter!!



Now this makes perfect sense, how many times have you said "Why is the weekend so short?" So.. if the weekdays are longer (but friday 10 times longer than any other weekday) and the weekends are shorter..

Given the following assumptions:



Friday is 10 Times a Normal Weekday...

Weekday is 4 times as Long as Saturday/Sunday...

Week can be no more than 168 hours...



So.. if x is a unit of measurement..



Weekday = 4x

Weekend = x

Friday = 40x



Ok now we are getting somewhere...



x = 168 / 58 (Total Hours Divided by Total Units)

x = 2.89 (rounded)



So in conclusion...



Weekdays are 11.58 Hours Long...

Saturday is 2.89 Hours (and so is sunday)



And Friday is 115.6 Hours Long! No wonder today is a time vortex!!!!

Trunk Monkeys

Was sent these rather amusing Windows Media Files by a Friend (thankyou Mattius) the other Day featuring "Trunk Monkeys" and I thought to myself - "Why the Hell do I not have trunk monkeys in my Theory Of Monkeys Compendium?"



I mean I have to say I have never ever heard of trunk monkeys, but damn I want one! Along with my very own Ebola Monkey to send on house calls to people I dislike!

But I digress!! Check em Out!



AntiTheft Trunk Monkey

AntiRoadRage Trunk Monkey


Thats my update, have a great day!

Coding For Minority Groups

Our society is run by minority groups, lets face it.. If you are a minority you can do whatever you want..run around dacking people in shorts, take a dump wherever you choose and basically sail through life demanding that society must change to accomodate you.



The same can be said for development. How many times have you had to do something ridiculous just to appease some minority that cant handle the complex task of clicking a mouse, or navigation a basic website.



I mean, FFS! How hard is it? You dont need a degree in rocket science to be able to stumble your way through a website. Yet these twats decry that all web sites should be suitable for dimwits with a lower IQ than your average toddler. Well to that I say How does get Fucked Sound?.



My new Movement GAMGIRR (Geeks Against Minority Groups Imposing Ridiculous Requests) aims to stamp out this rampant stupidity! We accept cash, checks, travellors checks and whatever else you want to hurl in our general direction.

Perpetual Motion or how rocket ships fly.

You thought you had it all worked out didn't you?

Question: If you drop a buttered piece of bread, it will always land butter side down. But when you drop a cat it will always land on its feet. What would happen if you took a piece of buttered bread, strapped it on the back of a cat (butter side up) and dropped both?

Answer: Even if you are too lazy to do the experiment yourself you should be able to deduce the obvious result. The laws of butterology demand that the butter must hit the ground, and the equally strict laws of feline aerodynamics demand that the cat cannot land on its back. If the combined construct were to land, nature would have no way to resolve this paradox. Therefore it simply does not fall.
That's right! You have discovered the secret of antigravity! A buttered cat will, when released, quickly move to a height where the forces of cat-twisting and butter repulsion are in equilibrium. This equilibrium point can be modified by scraping off some of the butter -- providing lift -- or removing some of the cat's limbs, allowing descent.

Most of the civilized species of the Universe already use this principle to drive their ships within planetary systems. The loud humming heard by most sighters of UFOs is, in fact, the purring of several hundred cats.

The one obvious danger, of course, arises if the cats manage to eat the bread off their backs. In this case they will instantly plummet. Naturally the cats will land on their feet but this generally doesn't do them much good, since right after they make their landing several tons of red-hot starship and irritated aliens crash on top of them. Actually, feline starship-propulsion technology is a little more
sophisticated than that these days. If you spin a cat with buttered toast on its back in a gravitational field, the entire bi-stable assembly will keep rotating indefinitely due to the alternating gravitational attraction to the cats' feet and
the butter.

Giant arrays of thousands of cattoast modules rotating at high speeds are used to generate large amounts of electricity while the starship is within the gravitational field of a planet like Earth. That electricity is then used to heat large kettles filled with water.Ordinarily, all that heat would soon cause the water to boil. But applying the well-known "optithermal" principle that "a watched kettle doesn't boil," a specialized "watchcat" is strategically positioned to
stare at the kettles for extended periods of time. Of course, the water continues to absorb extraordinary amounts of latent heat, far beyond that which would be required to make the water boil under unwatched conditions.

Then, when the engineer determines that power is needed, a hood is dropped over the cat's head so that the ultra-superheated water is suddenly put into an "unwatched" state and immediately starts to boil, releasing huge amounts of pent-up energy as steam which can then be nozzled through jets to propel the starship around the galaxy until it starts to run down and needs to find another planet with sufficient
gravity and water (as well as cat food and kitty litter, of course).

So now you know.

Frames

This is the best site I have ever seen in my entire existence!

Click Here to be totally amazed!

Northern Exposure On DVD! and American Gothic - Comeback Kid!

How cool is that? For all you old enough to remember Northern Exposure, the oddball comedy about a small town in Alaska! Its finally out on DVD! After watching all Season One Episodes Back to Back, i wonder what the hell ever happened to that show?

And while we are on the topic of shit coming back from the dead!! American Gothic is being remade in movie form. The one season wonder will be released sometime between now and the end of time.

Frames are the Devil!

I have finally decided I will start a global campaign to hunt down and punish anyone affiliated with, using or actively developing using frames. Like welcome to 2004 people! Frames violate the whole HTML construct and should be banished into the ether (along with dust bunnies, alf lunchboxes and StarTrek Memorabilia) For all eternity! What else has pissed me off today? Fricken visio the bigest piece of shit i have ever seen!

*grumbles, random incoherant mumblings*

Bring on the Long Weekend

Damn we sure do live in the lucky country, and it seems the lucky state as well (no Im not talking about insanity, which is by default my state I choose to call home). Monday is another public holiday for us lucky bastardos.. and I for one will use this opportunity for evil.. I mean good.. err a little from Column A, a little from Column B..

Am I doing anything exciting? Well that I guess depends on your definition of exciting.
Im thinking long extended bouts of staring in to the abyss, wrestle with self loathing.. and perhaps some extreme coding sessions of 12+ hours.. The usual.

Ahh Refuge of the damned!

Boredom is Catching

Its happened, a scientific account of Boredom, and more interestingly its proportion to the mass of the Internet. And we arent just talking esoteric-style boredom here ppl!

Check it out Here

In case your too lazy to visit the link (comeone, own up you lazy bastard) Heres a brief snippet:

My brief theory of Bordem VS Mass of Internet has been written whlie, ironically, bored and even more ironically, immediately following the creation of this geek portal.

Have you ever sat at home and been so bored that you have re-coded your reticulation system to interface with your home development server so that you can water your grass while your on holiday? Or programmed all of your remotes into an IF program that you wrote at 4am so you could control every TV and stereo in your house with a keyboard?

..End of Snippet..

Want more..visit the fricken website!

Another Day Another Post

*Yawn* staring into the abyss is fun!

Rock, Scissors Paper - Stanley Knife, Finger - Ouch!

Well its settled, I have finally proven that a stanley knife is quite willing and able to cut a finger.
After a long and arduous process of testing empirical data and hack/slashing I have once and for all proven and removed all doubt.

During one of my attempted "do-it-yourself" type situations on the weekend I managed to take a slash at myself with one of those stanley knifes, and boy are they sharp! Luckily I think I have gotten off quite lightly, sure its a big cut and look grose but Im still alive (so far - Im monitoring this very closely) and still have the ability to move my finger..

Note to self, buy a fricken workbench.. Guess thats what I get for trying to work on the floor of the garage.

Stanley Knife 1 - Mark 0

Ameobas With Spatulas

Here I am yet again in another ridiculous babble about some incoherant conspiracy theory. One could even surmount that I may be a "Bandit" for a conspiracy theory. This may well be true.. after all so far I have detailed insidious plots by Monkeys and Bears to take over the world.. sure you could take away my class "A" drugs for the day, or even commit me to some sort of shady acres psychiatric facility.. but I digress...

What the hell is an ameoba? Well it kinda looks like a smarty if it was more of a poo brown color and a single celled organism (which a smartie clearly isnt!) Back the truck up a minute? Single celled organisms, how can they take over the world..they dont even have opposible thumbs? But hang on, even single celled organisms have feelings and yes even dreams, of taking over the world (pinky and the brain style..)

How to Identify an Ameoba..

before I continue further into my composium of idiocy, I will digress into an Ameoba fieldguide.. Showing you what these little buggers might look like, common disguises and the like. After all, they are craft little buggers.

.     This is an Ameoba.. scary aint he?

.@    An Ameoba with a french Horn..

*.*   An Ameoba with Pom-Poms..

!     A startled Ameoba

?     A confused Ameoba

Supercar anyone?

Yet another supercar with Holdens Gen3 v8? After the much anticipated 427 Monaro evaporated (Doh!) Holden has their donk in another sports icon!

Elfin has been building sports cars for decades and has just released a new variant.. the Elfin Ms8.. It looks absolutely wicked, 0-100km/hour in 3.5 seconds! Now thats what Im talking about!

Check it Out Here!

Why Periodic Cat Scans Should Be Compulsary..

In light of recent delvings into the subject of periodic cat scans.. here is proof that we are totally bananas (without getting back on the subject of monkeys..god forbid)

This Special person would definately be in the dictionary under "obsessive fan" or possibly "delusional"

I cant describe it anymore, you need to see for yourself.. Its one of those life changing moments where you realise you really arent as crazy as some people, in the grand scheme of things!

New Development Methodology

I Have just coined a new Programming Methodology (with help from Carl!) RAD - or Rabid Application Development.. It involves getting really pissed off, some swearing, cursing and even physical violence towards inanimate objects which are getting in the way of your development lifecycle.

Empirical evidence seems positive.. Ill have to try it out and see!

Posting Madness

Woah! Holy Blog postings batman! Someone has been busy. As you may have noticed (or possibly not, who can really say) I have been posting losts of junk on here lately.

I thought it was about time I stopped dicking around and starting adding my mark to the world wide wobble. Alot of this content has been lying around for ages, festering and collecting dustbunnies..some of it is new, improved and with extra shiny-ness! Some of it is crap.

Its a bit like life really.

Marks Biography

Mark was born on the 29th of novwemberrr 1978 in a shanty town outside of sydney australia,
with nothing but a few measly sheets of corrugated iron and bamboo roof to keep out the heat,
the cold, and the ever present amway salespeople, circling the weak like buzzards around a dying
antelope. In his infancy mark passed the time by collecting peanuts which looked like celebrities
and throwing inferior chinese plastic cups at the tupperware lady. Mark made his first shiny dollar
selling used toothpicks to tourists. Sometimes mark would dress as a wilderness bear Koala and walk
the streets asking for money to "save the koalas". With the belief that "anything is possible but
not fricken likely" mark managed to ascend the ranks of nothingness to the brink of somethingness.
The whole world is his oyster, but hes allergic to oysters, Marks pushed forward with his belief
that moose too should be able to participate in the space program.

At the age of 10 mark purchased a corrugated cardboard box and moved out on his own. After
being attacked by a 4 foot tall teddy bear mark re-evaluated his feeling for bears and set
out on a path of destruction to wipe the furry varmits from the face of the earth. After a
short stint as a monk a plumber and a special person Mark became the first successful duck
cheese farmer and practiced the ancient art of moose herding. Voted the guy most likely to
end up working at a 7-eleven, Mark has proven time and time again that such high hopes were
never destined to be met. A strong proponent of no-name gladwrap and purveyor of crappulence,
mark never ceases to amaze with his seeming lack of interest and ability to spin endless amounts
of crappulence at the slightest whim. Holder of the land speed record, avoider of police, and public enemy number 2, Mark certainly has silenced the critics with a fine display of unruliness and
pedantic dterminism which underlies a strong feeling of "be quiet or I will hurt you".

Marks methodology centeres around the idea that methodology is a silly word and involves lots of
pointing and laughing, copying and general plaguerism. With such a perverted sense of realism and
general psychotic nature, it is not suprising that Mark has been able to generate such intricate,
mind warping prose. Within the dark entrapments of marks prose you are invited deep into the darkness,
the shadows. And left there! The passion and ideas embowelled in Marks work definately make for some
interesting reading. With articles such as "The Theory of Monkey" and "Bears Are Evil" mark
demonstrates how on closer observation seemingly straightforward and universally acknowledged
truths can be distorted and twisted to be transformed into new truths and realisations.

The Theory of Bear

The theory of bears, this once again is a scientifically proven analytical observation on the state of human --> bear relations in the current time. To even think of composing such a totally laughable and some may say idiotic symposium must surely point to myself not having had regular cat-scans over the past year. But I digress! Digress I say! Such brilliance must surely be noted in the conquest of such complex scientific ground. The first port of call in this little rambling must surely stem from the definition of a bear we shall use for this little excercise.

bear2 (b‰r)

n.


1) Any of various usually omnivorous mammals of the family Ursidae that have a shaggy coat and a short tail and walk with the entire lower surface of the foot touching the ground.

2) Any of various other animals, such as the koala, that resemble a true bear.
A large, clumsy, or ill-mannered person.

3)Slang. A police officer, especially one using radar to apprehend speeding motorists


After reading such an appendum my own meager definitions could be poked at and laughable. After all if we are to use the above definition to surmise this report then basically any low life, coles dwelling, pretzil munching, datsun driving neanderthal could wind up as a guinea pig in this little experiment. We shall steer from conveniant mainstream definitions of bear and create our own definition to surmise our argument.

Bear (baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaareeeee)

1) Fluffy, big eared, annoying, tempestuous, glazen eyed, pretzil munchin furry little
animal with a persistant odour that smells like a cross between a bunch of pine needles, a compost heap and savings brand chocolate mufins. Possesses a string aptitude for lazyness. Devious, pretentious, enjoys running with scissors and using big words. Posseses sharp toothy pegs. Favourite haunts include childrens toychests, toy stores, sitting on top of beds.. or in the mouths of mischevious dogs.

Sound about right everyone..yeap..great..done. (quiet in the back row). Everyone note this down, it will form part of your test!. Now we have a firm literary definition of the aforementioned bear, we can now continue with the analysis.

One poses the question where should one start in such a deep analytical experiement into the theory of bear. THe ascension of the bear through the hierarchy of the stuffed toy kingdom can only be described as stupendous. Back since, well in the past sometime when bears were living in caves and stuff and passed the time eating the occasional child, they have now progressed to living on beds and eating the occasional child! Remarkable... Who would have thought that mister ebar could have ever out stayed the likes of barbie and other ridiculous girl toys. Bear is the leader. But beneath that fluffy appearance and cute smile lies a criminal mind.

it is a little known fact that during the cold war the russians sent over 5,000 bears to the United States to spy on US intelligence. The bears, being experts in espionage managed to infiltrate all but the highest of the social ranks. Think they are still cute.. "sure thay might be spies but they are so cute..look at them..aww they are so squishy.." Ever heard of a dropbear?.. Thats right.. a drop bear.
Bears might look all cute and huggable but Im afraid they are nothing more than fluffy mean killing machines.

Drop bears are a fine example of he cunning behind these twisted little dust collectors,. You can be walking along in the forest..minding your own business chopping a few trees down with that pocket chainsaw you brought along. Then >>WHAM<< "holy dropbears batman" a drop bear with just drop straight out of a tree, and rip your head off. And what do they do with the head.. well noone knows, and to be honest noone wants to find out. Some scientists have claimed they use them as a food source, or that the bears are just bored, maybe suffering from some sort of physciological problem that may be treated with anger management.. but I digress (again!).

For examples of this michievous bear behaviour we must look no further than documentary fact on television. Insightful programs such as Yogi bear do much to highten concern and raise awareness over the danger of bears. In this program bears are routinely seen driving cars, stealing picnic baskets, and being involved in high speed car and bear chases. They arent even wearing seatbelts! What kind of a sick world are we living in. Do we want these bears running rampant in our society? Filchering picnic baskets, ripping peoples heads off and voting? The answer is NO people. For gods sake they dont even wear any pants.. Remember Humphrey B. Bear? The pantless child molesting bear,who was banished to vuenezuala after running around in public with no pants on! We have let our guard down and allowed these insidious little fluffburgers to enter our very homes, and our very bedrooms giving them the perfect opportunity to strike when we least expect it.

Seen Planet of the Apes before (go on..own up.I wont tell your friends you actually watched that lameass crap!) well substitute those lameass Apes for bears and there you have it. The bear plan for world domination. I can barely (no pun intended) stand the thought of a bear running my life, let alone taking over the world. The bear equivalent of Dr Evil.hes furry, hes evil, and he wants to take over the world.

Sure there might well be some nice people-loving bears around... but on a whole they are evil! evil I say! So there u have it.. the theory of the insidious bear plot to take over the world, and make us all slaves..slaves I tell you. So act now.. punch a bear today!
Go on, you know you want to! Let that fluffball know whos boss! Threaten it with sticking it in the dryer and let him drop a few pounds! Or show him the bottle of extra strength bleach you have (ever seen a bear with blonde roots?).


The Theory of Bears Excerpt.
Author: Mark G
Published: 2000 Ill Conceived Concepts and HairBrained Ideas PTY LTD
All Rights Reserved. Names of Bears have been removed to protect
the little fellows concerned.

Ecotraitor?

Three decades ago, Patrick Moore helped found Greenpeace. Today he promotes nuclear energy and genetically modified foods - and swears he's still fighting to save the planet.

Patrick Moore has been called a sellout, traitor, parasite, and prostitute - and that's by critics exercising self-restraint. It's not hard to see why they're angry. Moore helped found Greenpeace and devoted 15 years to waging the organization's flamboyant brand of environmental warfare. He campaigned against nuclear testing, whaling, seal hunting, pesticides, supertankers, uranium mining, and toxic waste dumping. As the nonprofit's scientific spokesperson, he was widely quoted and frequently photographed, often while being taken into custody.

Then, in 1986, the PhD ecologist abruptly turned his back on the environmental movement. He didn't just retire; he joined the other side. Today, he's a mouthpiece for some of the very interests Greenpeace was founded to counter, notably the timber and plastics industries. He argues that the Amazon rain forest is doing fine, that the Three Gorges Dam is the smartest thing China could do for its energy supply, and that opposition to genetically modified foods is tantamount to mass murder.


Read the full article Here! Hehe Only joking..its really Here

The Theory Of Monkey

Today, as usual my mind wandered whilst sitting in traffic (for prolonged periods of time) and during this little flight of fancy I have compiled a new new theory. The theory of monkeys. Now as my colleagues in the car will proclaim I am a total nut case. This may well be true but then aren't all genius branded as morons and spoons? Well despite the pointing and laughing I shall continue this little romp and describe in a rambling un detailed, hard to follow compendium the theory of Monkey.

The central clause of the monkey theory states that in the beginning there was monkey. And this in no way continues the Darwinism theory of evolution. What would some twit from the Northern Territory know anyways! In the beginning there was monkey, and it was a very ugly monkey, like one of those monkeys that look like their face is a giant anus. The monkey was very mischievous and liked getting up to no good. Like robbing banks,dacking people in shorts and filling out tax returns. Now the theory of monkey decries popular beliefs in mainstream society. To be perfectly honest, mainstream society is full of monkey poo. I am right and everyone else your wrong wrong wrong. To illustrate I will use several examples of popular mainstream folklore as I like to call it

One of the most prominent issues in modern society is the destruction of rainforests. Now popular belief decries that this is due to global expansion and urbanisation, clearing for farming and to make way for fat people. Now this is absolutely categorically wrong. The primary, leading cause of this is Monkey.
Now no one knows how the monkeys got the chainsaws, and no one really cares.. but those little fellas love chopping shit down, trees, telegraph poles, unsuspecting cars. Monkeys are also the leading cause of armored car robberies.. The dangly armed varmints swing out of the trees armed with
chainsaws and cheese graters and cut a hole in the roof of the van.. steal the cash and take off to the local green grocers to go buy some bananas.Some industrious little monkeys even managed to steal a tractor and are burning round the rainforests doing doughnuts and knocking over houses. One could only hope they are wearing seatbelts, but this my friends is highly unlikely. More monkeys are killed in car accidents each year than any other animal species.. not hit by cars, usually during high speed monkey car chases

As my mind wandered increasingly over the course of the journey I considered purchasing one of these aforementioned monkeys. I mean their cool, they can dangle from trees and they are pretty darn clever. At one point during the journey I could actually see monkeys in my car.. I don't know whether they were just my friends or I had too many energy drinks, but I digress!What could a monkey do for you? well for starters I reckon they would be a valuable asset in a food fight, cos they could lob bananas pretty darn well, thy could change CDs in your car for you or make loud screeching noises at passing cars.. interesting.. They could change the TV channels for you, answer your fone and probably make more sense to the caller than you usually do! You could send the little fella out for pizza, or maybe to get a case of beer! The possibilities are endless. Maybe if it was a really cute monkey u could use him to pick up a hot date, I mean who could resist a hot guy with a gorgeous little monkey! Right now I'm thinking a monkey would be pretty good, and have even considered ditching work and pinching one from the nearest zoo. But of course such an operation needs planning, you need the custom Made Cyril the Monkey hat and matching T-shirt so u can swear black and blue to the police that that's your monkey..his name is Cyril, and you love him like a son .

This raises several questions.
(1) Do monkeys need to wear seatbelts or child restraints?
(2) Do monkeys need to vote
(3)where do they get that funky weird ass smell from?

The answers ladies and gentlemen are (1) no cos they will bite u (2)ditto and (3) ask the monkey.

If I was a monkey where would I be? I think every immature man has wondered this at some point of their existence! It is the question that drives us, What is the monkey? Unfortunately, no one can be told what the monkey is, they must see it for themselves. The monkey is all around us, it is there when you go to church, when you pay your taxes they are the little bastards that key your car, and bend your aerial into lewd forms. The monkey is the one that leaves the toilet seat up, or the one that jams the banana in your exhaust!

Now by this point my friends are getting really scared after hearing the revelation of the monkey. Several times they have attempted to jump from the moving vehicle. They are now afraid to go to church after hearing that it is a favorite monkey hangout, and are always looking around nervously around trees in case a Chainsaw wielding monkey is ready to pounce

The theory of the monkey can be scientifically comprehensively backed by utter babble and vague recounts. The monkey is real, we should not fear the monkey, we should not act to silence the little fellas. For if you fuck with them, you shall be in big trouble. For no one fucks with a cheese grater wielding dangly armed little varmints and lives!.

The Theory of Monkeys Excerpt.
Author: Mark G
Published: 2000 Ill Conceived Concepts and HairBrained Ideas PTY LTD
All Rights Reserved. Names of Monkeys have been removed to protect
the little fellows concerned.

Ho Hum

This is a totally useless post to in some way possibly dull my boredom for a few moments.. nopes..didnt work..damn!
oh well, thats life.

Microsoft Purchases Evil From Satan

Redmond, WA - Microsoft in a recent all cash deal has
purchased evil from Satan for $2.7 billion.  "We've been after Satan for some
time," said CEO Steve Ballmer.  "Negotiations were tough but I think both
Microsoft and the Prince of Darkness are happy with this deal." 

Before the
purchase, Microsoft already had 15% of the evil market, now that number is closer to
100%.   The Department of Justice has voiced concerns over one corporation
controlling so much evil, and has begun investigations into the deal.

"We feel that there are real opportunities with evil, and that when evil is
integrated it into our next generation of Windows products consumers will appreciate evil on their desktop," said Microsoft Chairman
Bill Gates.  "Businesses haven't been able to fully realize their evil
potential.  With evil integrated into Office 2001, corporations big and small will
begin to see enhanced evil productivity."

"Evil is a real growing market," market strategist Frank Dresgan of Merrill
Lynch said today.  "Microsoft is a little late in the game, but even when they
enter a market late they still tend to dominate.  I think we'll see the same with
evil."

"I've been dealing with Microsoft for some time,"  Lucifer said.  
"I've been at this evil thing for millions of years, and wanted a way out.  I
considered an IPO, but then Steve-O and Billy came along and told me about their
"Evil Everywhere" plan and that was an offer I couldn't refuse."

Evil was founded by Satan close to the beginning of time.  It has been growing
steadily ever since, although most of the growth has come in the past five years with the
development of the internet.  Satan plans to retire to a small island in the Bahamas
and write a column for the local newpaper.

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BrainF**K

Yes, it is real. The worlds smallest programming language compiler (200 bytes).
This is the coolest thing I have ever seen!

Check it Out!

MOS - You Know You Want it!

MOS - The Brand Spanking new performance accessory for anyone serious about car performance!

Now this is truly one of the most stupid things I have ever seen, therefore it belongs on this blog, along with alol the other worthless shit I post. Run free little post!

Dejavu

Wasn't I just here? This is ridiculous. Looks like another wonderful day in Hell. Hope you brought your sunscreen.

Another Day Another Post

What a craptastic day! Thats my update, have a great day!

Say Hello to Mister Wormy

Sydney Morning Herald has n interesting article on the latest worm to hit mailservers. The only thing worms are good for is eating! Or possibly wearing as some sort of "worm-hat"

Welcome Chops!

Heres a big shoutout to Chops, our resident dog who likes to chase dust-bunnies in his spare time. Chops will be posting a variety of mostly boring, useless articles about how to best clean dust from your cars dashboard. Welcome to the Team Chops!

Numero Uno!

Well this is my vainglorious first post to Marks Metaphorical Mofoisms! What interesting crap will I post? Who Knows! Possibly nothing... possibly something.. more to the point.. who cares? The main point is I am contributing another piece of crap to the World Wide Web! Wow! Someone get me a gold star!