Christmas Helpers

What is the deal with Christmas anyway? There I was on Friday standing in a queue of about 15 people waiting for the ONE sales assistant to help me ........ one down, 14 to go ......... tick tock tick tock ..........
HELLO!!!!!! There are hundreds of people willing to work over Christmas. Is it FAIR to leave this poor sod behind the electronics counter ALL BY HIMSELF??? Where is the Store Manager ...??? FFS!!!
Then, to the lady who walked up when I was BUSY being served to complain about how she wanted to buy XYZ MP3 player for her daughter and "what kind of store was this to be sold out already?"
OI!!! Bozo!!!! Buy your presents earlier!!!!
*sigh*

Denial is the First Stage of Rehabilitation

Well its official. My Christmas light madness has reached a new level. Yesterday while minding my own business, strolling through my local Bunnings Warehouse (damn fine Store! Highly recommended - no really.) I spied the Christmas Lights section.



Now somehow, my mind managed within a few microseconds to have already convinced itself that I needed more christmas lights. It then proceeded to force me over to the lights, and purchase said lights. Im a little scared and believe I may have some sort of obsession here. Even the good people at Bunnings seem to know me now, and even remarked "Buying more lights?".



Now as Denial is the first stage of rehabilitation, I believe I may be on to step two. Im not sure. Any phsycologists out there feel free to drop me a line and let me know how bad my phsycosis really is. In any event, I'm all ready for the big unveiling this weekend. Its going to be one long saturday hanging lights.

The Glorious Fourth

One of my old work mates has just released a single with his new Band, the "Glorious Fourth" The Glorious Fourth are a Rock/Pop 3 piece band from Newtown with
Kenneth Wallace: guitar, lead vocals, Dominic Thurbon:bass, backing vocals
Andrew Axton: drums.



Their debut Single "Six Feet Down Under" is awesome. Visit their website, listen to the samples and buy their Single! Stay tuned for the official launch of their EP!



Visit the Website!

Storms and Rain are My Bag Baby

I have to say, I absolutely love storms and rain. I'm not sure exactly what makes me like them so much. The sound of rain on the roof particularly when trying to drift off to sleep is just so relaxing. Watching storm clouds roll in, thunder and lightning is just fascinating. It's a shame that we are in a drought at the moment, it has been so long since we had the usual summer afternoon storms every single day.



I love summer. Long hot days, afternoon and evening thunderstorms. Its just fantastic! (as Long as My car is under cover of course!)

Product Placement

Marks Metaphorical Mofoisms is proudly sponsored by Pump! Bottling tap water and selling to you at inflated prices for years! 

Its Using the Trees!

Oh My God! I am... THE PREDATOR! hahaha - Comon! That was Funny! It just never gets old, does it. What a fantastic Movie! Rock On!



This was taken on one of many stupid trips in the car... Enough said!




 

"Who GIves a Shit" Week

Well those who know me may or may not remember "Who Gives a Shit" Day (I believe it was one of my birthdays) where we just drove around with no destination in particular, and basically just did stuff. Well, this is who gives a shit week. It's my last week at my current job, I discovered I'm allergic to bullshit and morons, so this place really isn't such a good fit for me. With that in mind, you can imagine my carefactor is verging on non-existant. To top it off, after an adventure in "wine" land yesterday I'm feeling about as seedy as wholegrain mustard.



Its amazing how liberating making a life changing decision can be. I mean, I could have stayed here for years/decades longer I guess, but that is not where I want my life to go. I want to wake up and want to go to work, to be challenged and stimulated (not that way you sick bastards), I want my actions to be appreciated and worthwhile. The exact opposite of my current situation.



Change is good. Change is inevitable. Go with the flow, have guts to make the change, have the guts to dare for more. Or don't. This isn't a communist paradise! You control your destiny. Fuck me, this is turning into one of those damn self help willpower seminars. On that note - Peace, I'm Outta Here!

How Long to Christmas?

Well, it has begun. One of my neighbours beat me to it! They already have xmas lights! Bastards! Even if they are fairly pitiful. I have already stuck a bunch of lights up, hopefully lulling them into a false sense of superiority. Next weekend I will be coming in with the big play, the 150+ metres of lights will be going up. Yeah baby! They won't know what hit them!



It is definately good to see someone else fostering that christmas spirit, christmas this year will definately be a magical experience! I mean, the first christmas together with my lovely wife, christmas lights and decorations, good food, family - its all there!

Singularity

Singularity is a research project focused on the construction of dependable systems through innovation in the areas of systems, languages, and tools. We are building a research operating system prototype (called Singularity), extending programming languages, and developing new techniques and tools for specifying and verifying program behavior.



Advances in languages, compilers, and tools open the possibility of significantly improving software. For example, Singularity uses type-safe languages and an abstract instruction set to enable what we call Software Isolated Processes (SIPs). SIPs provide the strong isolation guarantees of OS processes (isolated object space, separate GCs, separate runtimes) without the overhead of hardware-enforced protection domains. In the current Singularity prototype SIPs are extremely cheap; they run in ring 0 in the kernel’s address space..




Singularity uses these advances to build more reliable systems and applications. For example, because SIPs are so cheap to create and enforce, Singularity runs each program, device driver, or system extension in its own SIP. SIPs are not allowed to share memory or modify their own code. As a result, we can make strong reliability guarantees about the code running in a SIP. We can verify much broader properties about a SIP at compile or install time than can be done for code running in traditional OS processes. Boarder application of static verification is critical to predicting system behavior and providing users with strong guarantees about reliability..




Want to know more?



Singularity Website


Technical Report

All Systems Go

Well after another day "Working From Home" due to the Lane Cove "Hole" I managed to do a system test of my 2000+ christmas lights. I'm proud to say that I definately do not suffer from epilepsy as all 2000+ bulbs blinking was quite a sight. I did go into momentary convulsions, but they soon passed.



Im currently formulating a plan, to try and take over the world. Well, ok, two plans! One to take over the world, and one to figure out where to hang these babies!



Watch this space!

Melbourne Cup

Well, its that time of the year again. Now Im not a big gambling person, it could be that I don't need any help pissing my money away, or possibly that I just don't like horses (apart from their obvious glue making strengths). However, just for today, I will indulge in the celebrations (read: food and drink) whilst not putting down any bets.



Well, that was a fairly boring tirade. Surely I can do better, right? *shrugs* I don't know. I mean, I'm at work so thats a definate downer. I have 9 days of work left before I start my new job, well - thats an upper definately. So far, I'm neutral. Im sure after the first dickhead user of the day, I'll be back to my usual rantings,bitching and moaning about this and that. Stay Tuned Loyal Viewer!

Christmas Lights

I read with interest Mark and Shteeben planning on lighting the Southern Hemisphere with their Christmas Lights.

I LOVE Christmas and Christmas lights ........ beautiful!!!

However, the fun in putting them up and watching them twinkle pales into insignificance when you realise "what goes UP, must come DOWN".
Or else, leave them up all year like the old guy down the road - no-one will notice anyway because you would have cut the power to the lights and be running your entire house on the generator you now need because your electricty bill for December was the same as a small country!!!!!

Enjoy!!

Xmas Light Madness

Well, its official. IM about ready to commit myself to the nuthouse (pending an available suite of course). Over the weekend I bought yet more Xmas Lights. Im not sure what has sent me off on this wild flight of fancy this year, perhaps if the first xmas as a married man, perhaps Ive been taking too much of my "Class A" medications.



I believe I have somewhere in the vicinity of 1500+ bulbs, with an estimated 150 metres of wire. Now thats one helluva lot of lights. And through my thrify purchasing powers, quite cheap too!



Now I know this has the possibility of turning into a National Lampoons Style Xmas, and believe me - I know that would be cool! Now I just have to get up the carefactor to hang these mofos! Hmm maybe later!~

Mark V The Spiders: Episode 4 "Spider Genocide"

Ok, well I thought it was time for an update on Mark vs the Spiders. After a few more daring raids into Mark Territory, I have my own version of the Manhattan Project aka "Pest Guy" to come and spray the place for bugs, and particularly spiders.



Now far from admitting defeat, I think of this more as my independence day! For too long have these 8 legged assclowns been in control, for far too long have I had to be wary of the bastards!



With that, Im off to point and laugh at some spiders, for soon they will be history!

Rainforest

Heard the funniest line watching Seinfeld over the weekend. Just after Jerry learns that George takes off his Shirt when he goes to the bathroom he says "Knowing you is like being in a rainforest, Im scared and I don't know what I will find".



Anyway, I thought it was funny. Well, it is monday so who knows. Ah yes, Monday. I will put on my Garfield persona like a mink coat and announce "I Hate Mondays". Ah, that feels better. Venting usually does. However this monday seems strangely different to a normal Monday. I mean, its still Monday, Im wearing Pants, and Im at work - so what could be different? Maybe its just my state of mind. Im still unusually jubilent after my liberation last week, so perhaps it is still the throngs of my euphoria? In any event, Im not complaining.

Google Ads

Well, Im sorry. But ive gone to the dark side of the force. In short, Ive added some google ads to the site. I have made them as unobtrusive as possible, so please don't hate me! In short, they will fund the new mofoisms.net webzine which will go live soon, which will have no ads so bear with me!

Life Patterns

Ever thought about what you do every day, and wonder when it is you reach a point where you do something out of pure reflex or through learned behaviour. When does something you despise end up being a daily occurance, and something you "just do".



How often does other people's behaviour and actions shape our own? And how much credence do we give to such events? When do we lose touch of our true identity and become part of the huddled masses?



Who can answer these thoughtful, yet slightly obtruse questions I decided to pose this morning?

Hamburglar Hill

Well, its finally happened. I finally grew some balls and did something I was wanting to do for a long time. Quit my job. Marriage has definately helped me to get a new perspective on life. Being so happy in one portion of your life forces you to confront the areas of your life that arent so happy. Which brings me to my job.



Its a case of never really "asking" to work for this company. Unfortunately my nirvana was bought out by a bigger meaner Gorilla and subsequently shutdown. Instinct to survive kicked in, and Ive spent the last X number of years through countless restructures trying to remain employed. And for what? My heart isnt in it, Im not challenged, and im stagnating. My career is doing a homer simpsons (running around in circles on the floor going whoo whoop whoop). SO its time to make a change.



So I did it, I resigned. And I have to say, it feels good! Now time to get my career back on track!

Project Proliferation

I know steve has touched on this before, but its my turn to spin the preverbial wordsmith. Its amazing how many projects you can have on the go go, without actually achieving diddly squat with any of them, or even making any progress. Over the years I have definately started my fair share of projects. SOme really "out there" projects, some run of the mill projects. But when it comes down to the crunch. I havent finished many.



Reasons? Excuses? Damn straight. I won't strain the relationship by describing them here. Suffice to say I am lacking in several key areas - Carefactor and Persistence. In any event, I have decided to setup a project register and to formalise my endeavors on a variety of projects to better facilitate the development lifecycles. In short. Im going to focus my efforts on strategic goals and outcomes - and hopefully you will see some Mark-Brand Projects actually finished in the near future.

Cypress Lakes Golf Day

Recovery, and from golf? Damn straight. I was lucky enough to be part of a corporate golf junket day at Cypress Lakes yesterday! and boy howdy! What Fun! Our team came away with a second place in Irish FOursomes, and not only that - I came away with both longest drives (front and back 9) with a couple of monstrous tee shots. I tell you, there is nothing better than caning around agolf course on a motorised buggy, Beer in one hand, several standby beers in cup holders, pie in the other and playing golf.. Brilliant!



My Review of the Course



Brillliant, 4/5.



My first thoughts, for a championship course (and we played off the blue markers read: members tees) it was damn short. The front and back nines are much different. The front nine is very undulating, huge elevation changes and tight fairways. The back nine is more links-style with open fairways (large) with subtle elevation changes. THe entire course has heaps of bunkers, and not just bunkers. We are talking deep, contoured and sunken bunkers here. Water hazards are plenty, but dont bother you unless you truly do something stupid. The front nine has some awesome views, as does the back 9. Well worth a play if your anywhere near the Hunter Valley!

BrainBuzz

An interesting site with latest technology news and other information. Check it out! You won't be dissapointed, well, you might be, but its still cool!



Check it Out! NOW!

I'm Back!

Thats Right! I'm bacvk at work after what I can only describe as the best three weeks of my life. I was married to my Darling Catherine on the 24th of September at Minchin Gardens, Richmond. It was an absolutely perfect day, and one I will never forget. When I get a chance, I will get the photos online!

Fiddle De De

I know I havent posted much lately, but I have been busy. So friggen lay off!! ANyways, see you all in October! Peace out!

Ordering Online

Well, checking my email this morning I have an email from an unamed company Im buying unamed merchandise from ONLINE. They basically crap on and go "oh by the way, because you paid by credit card we need two forms of ID before we will charge your card". Now for starters, Credit card was the ONLY fucking method of payment, but I digress! Now they want me to fax my drivers licence, copy of utility/credit card bill or other misc crap to them before they will charge my card. Now I ask you this, what is the fucking point of a credit card, or using it online if you have to fax shit to these knobs before they will even charge it!



I buy online so I dont have to piss about with stores, salesman and dealing with shitheads, so I find myself pissed off that I have to basically prove who the fuck I am. Just charge the fucking card!!

Welcome to Thursday

Another day another dollar. Well thats a bit of a masochistic way of looking at things, but frankly - I don't really care. I'm resigned to the inevitable, but I take heart in the fact that saturday is fast approaching. That in itself, definately will help me get through the day.



As I sit here and guzzle my coke, and munch of BBQ Shapes (breakfast of champions) I can't help but think what I would be doing if I wasn;t stuck here at work. Would I be sleeping? Watching TV, or generally doing nothing constructive. Although, I can hardly say that the shit I do day to day is always constructive. It's like pissing on a bushfire - hot, dirty, and if your not careful you will will be burnt alive. I know in IT we like to think of ourselves as firfighters, not by choice mind you, but by the mean fact that we are constantly putting out fires, fixing problems and generally running around like crazed idiots trying to save shit.



Well with that final thought, I;m going to stick my firemans hat on and head back into the fray. And remember, only you can make a difference preventing forest fires :p

Wheres my Fucking Service?

Customer service really has gone to the shithouse these days. Remember the good old days, where you were treated with respect, where you got what you paid for, where salesmen were actually helpful. These days, your lucky if you don't get violated by some totally retarded imbocile who is upset that you chose to upset their quiet day by purchasing some of their crappy products.



Well excuse me, but Im giving you money - show me some customer service asshole. The only ace up your sleeve is stooping to their level and acting like a bigger asshole. The whole circle of life then comes into play and they slink back off into that hole they crawled out of.



What more can I say? Meh.

Carefactor Zero

Yes, I know I haven't posted in a while. I believe my carefactor quotient has just dropped below critical level and I basically couldn't be bothered. That, plus I didn't have anything particularly interesting to say.



But then again, that can be said for most of my posts! Stay tuned though, I'm sure I will post some equally boring shit in coming days/weeks/months.

I Hate Tuesday

I seem to be conforming to some sort of trend here. Monday, then Tuesday. Whats next? Wednesday? Thursday. Where will it end. Do i have anything exciting to say, do I ever? I can;t be bothered writing anything so I will end this with a "have a merry f_cking day".

I Hate Monday

My favourite part of Monday is those blissful seconds just after I wake up, where I am not yet fully aware, or conscious of the fact that it is Monday. It's all downhill from there. Or am I being too melodramatic? Possibly, it is also possible that years of reading Garfield have coloured my views on the subject.



Then again, Monday might just plain suck. We shall see I guess.

Australia - The Right to Leave

Our Country has welcomed you and you are now an Australian - As an Australian you are a free person and nobody has the right to take that freedom from you.


As an Australian you have another right....



YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO LEAVE IF YOU SO CHOOSE.



After Sydney not wanting to offend other cultures by putting up Christmas lights. After hearing that the South Australian goverment changed its opinion and let a Muslim woman have her picture on her drivers license with her face covered..



This prompted this editorial written by an Australian citizen..



Published in an Australian newspaper and I quote:.

IMMIGRANTS, NOT AUSTRALIANS, MUST ADAPT..



I am tired of this nation worrying about whether we are offending some individual or their culture. Since the terrorist attacks on Bali, we have experienced a surge in patriotism by the majority of Australians..



However, the dust from the attacks had barely settled when the politically correct crowd began complaining about the possibility that our patriotism was offending others..



I am not against immigration, nor do I hold a grudge against anyone who is seeking a better life by coming to Australia..



However, there are a few things that those who have recently come to our country, and apparently some born here, need to understand..



This idea of Australia being a multicultural community has served only to dilute our sovereignty and our national identity..



As Australians, we have our own culture, our own society, our own language and our own lifestyle..



This culture has been developed over two centuries of struggles, trials and victories by millions of men and women who have sought freedom..



We do not go to your home country and attempt to change your way of life, your customs or your heritage, you would not tolerate it. Please give us the same respect you demand from us.



Many of our men and women have fought and died in countries like yours to ensure that you were free to maintain your culture, your heritage and your way of life. Nothing was asked by us in return. You were free to leave that country and make Australia your new home. Any way you look at it they died for you and for your freedom and we, as Australians are proud of them.



We speak ENGLISH, not Spanish, Lebanese, Arabic, Chinese, Japanese, Russian, or any other language. Therefore, if you wish to become part of our society-LEARN THE LANGUAGE!.




If the Southern Cross offends you, or you dont like A Fair Go, then you should seriously consider a move to another part of this planet.




We are happy with our culture and have no desire to change, and we really dont care how you did things where you came from.




This is OUR COUNTRY, OUR LAND, and OUR LIFESTYLE, and we will allow you every opportunity to enjoy all this.




But once you are done complaining, whining, and griping about Our Flag, Our Pledge, or Our Way of Life, I highly encourage you take advantage of one other great Australian freedom,




...THE RIGHT TO LEAVE.

Software Leper

What is it with people these days, you mention OpenSource in any way and they treat you like a fucking leper. Unless its Microsnot(tm) Branded shite that costs more than the national economy of paraguay, then they aren't interested. I tell you, it shits me to tears.Maybe I'm just turning into a cynical old bastard, but I tell you - this world is going to the dogs.

Bitch Bitch Bitch

I'll tell you, I'm sick of the constant bitching and moaning that goes on these days. What ever happened to freedom of choice? and a different point of view? Apprently these are both falacies, and totally devoid in todays society. Every cocksucker out there thinks they somehow have the right to tell you how to live every facet of your life according to their warped view of reality. Well guess what, this little black duck couldn't give a flying fuck. To all those assgoblins out there, go crawl a little further up your ass and stay there.

Don't leave a message .........

The most hated people in the universe ......... telephone survey-ists (is that a WORD???)

Even worse, is when you get a call, and when you pick it up you get HOLD MUSIC!!!!

Hold on a second - you called me, and now expect me to HOLD on for you to get your act together to talk to me? Apparently, it is an "important message" I am holding on for .......... if it is that important PHONE BACK!!!

Tuesdays

Another day, and a Tuesday at that! I despise Tuesdays, almost as much as Mondays, and slightly more than Wednesdays. I am fairly neutral in regards to Thursday, and Friday is definately my friend. Four more days of work really doesn;t strike me as a good thing, however I am resigned to the inevitable, so I guess I should get on with it.

The Jeebus Fish

I tell you, I am a friggen ideas man. Over the weekend I had another brilliant idea. I saw a car in front with the familiar Christian Jesus Fish, and it hit me! The jeebus fish. For all those who aren't Simpsons fan and have no idea about the Dancing Jeebus, leave now...



When Homer was the mysterious "Mr X" he had a webpage he used to post all his gossip! On this page was about 1 million little animations and shit, one of which is the Dancing Jeebus. When he is a Missionary, he also talks about Jeebus "I Don't Even Believe in jeebus", "Homer to Jeebus". Combine this with blinky the one eyed fish, and you have a Jeebus fish!! Now Im still a little sketchy on how exactly to combine these two, possibly some sort of genetic engineering, biotechnology.. who knows! But I'm going to make sure this dream turns into reality. And when it does, I'm going to live off the crappy merchandise profits.

The Freddo Diet

We hear all the time about these weird ass diets the stars are on. Hi Carbs, Low Carbs, Nothing but cabbage etc etc. Well i have devised my own Uber-Cool Diet! Its the Freddo diet. But not any normal freddos. Giant size fundraising freddos. Yummo. So far empirical evidence to support my claims is fairly good. I will have to Doctor up, err compile some more stats as my diet progresses.

More Chickens than a Chinese Airline

We have a bit of an ongoing joke here at work. Everytime someone tries to record a greeting/voicemail message on the phone system, we always make some sort of a chicken noise in the background. Sometimes its a "cluck Cluck", sometimes a "buurrrrrrrkkk", but its always there. Who the hell knows why we do it. Its a tradition. To the casual observer it would probably seem that our office is overrun with chickens of various descriptions. Hell, most of our company doesnt even know this office exists, maybe I'm not really here and I'm not typing this message. Oooh spooky.

Spatial Interference

My spacial interference quotient seems to be way too high today. And what do I mean by that? Quite simply, the number of retards/miscrients invading my personal space. Its only 8:30am, I am barely conscious, let alone able to answer the most simple of questions. Get me a short black and I might somehow mutate once again into a lifeform capable of facilitating information transfer.

Aggressive Software Pushers

Ever had software thrust apon you like it will somehow fix all your ills, and restore mankind to some sort of Nirvana? All too often I have beta software thrust apon me. And why am I asked to install it? Because its new. Thats right. Lets forget the fact that it is bleeding edge, bug infested and very very stinky. I mean, far from me being a hermit, but I prefer to only update software when there is some earth shattering reason to do it.



At home its a different story, but this is a production environment people. So get back to reading your Business/Manager Techno mags with all your interesting buzzwords and social commentary. And I will go look after the important shit.

Marks Vs the Spiders.. The battle Continues

After a relatively docile couple of days the Spiders have launched some daring patrols into the Heart of Mark-Country(tm). The little bastards not only infiltrated the sunroom,the hallway (obviously they were trying to deactivate my alarm system! genius!) but also made a daring early morning raid on my bedroom. Now, without going into endless details, suffice to say the spider and a pair of pants were very closely involved. How close? well frankly any distance involving a pair of pants, a spider and me is too close. In any event, thats one Spider that won't be coming home from the front.



Now the favourite part, the deathcount. With the latest two fatalities the Spider-Army is now missing >75 comrades. And Marks-Army, well damn. Im still standing!

Alien Gang Probe

For some reason I have this Simpsons Episode stuck in my head. Its absolutely fricken hillarious! Exerp:


Homer: But Amber, I can change!


Ned: Will you shut up?!


Homer: All right, let's get our stories straight for Marge and
Maude. [the two begin walking down the highway] We were out
buying them fabulous gifts ...


Ned: What's the occasion?


Homer: Because we love them, jackass! Anyhoo, we came out of Wal-
Mart when suddenly, one hundred spaceships ...


Ned: Homer!


Homer: You're right, you're right, fifty spaceships beamed us
aboard. They gang-probed you, while I discovered an
invention that blew their heads up and saved America.


Ned: Uh, do I have to be gang-probed?
[two vultures land on the highway behind them, first looking
at Ned and Homer, then each other]


Homer: Would you rather tell Maude the truth?


Ned: [sighs] What did the aliens look like?


Homer: Well, I only saw them from the back 'cause they were so busy
gang-probing you. Well hello, little birdie! [fade to
black]

Fiddle De De

Another day, another pack of assholes to make my life hell. I think these people must be assigned to follow me around and just generally piss me off. All i need is a baseball bat, a tazer and some cabbage and Im sure they would leave me alone.

Brisk Morning

Well, its another brisk Winter morning here in ye olde Sydney Town. Those clear skies really let the temperature plummet this time of year. I think I may have had a touch of frostbite trudging to work this morning. But I have to say, I definately like those early morning walks in Winter. The air is so clear and fresh, and while you may lose feeling to differing parts of your body, it sure is envigorating. Not quite the whole hair shampoo ad kinda envigorating, but still!



A quick coffee and Im ready to start the morning. What will today bring? I shudder to think. I can see the line of fuckwits waiting to annoy me already stretching to the horizon. However, tomorrow is the weekend. Shit, Im turning into an optomist. Or possibly a pessemistic optomist. Or something like that..

Caramello Koala - Structural Flaw Discovered

Yes, its true! The beloved Caramello Koala has a structural design flaw that is not only extremely dangerous, but highly disturbing. Unfortunately, the makers of Mister Koala have skimped on the chocolate thickness, particularly in the central quadrant somewhere around the region of his pants. The result? Any kind of light/medium pressure on the his belly and WhaM!!! Caramel everywhere!! Now this is just a total and absolute outrage! Im currently writing a letter to 60 minutes, today tonight and Jerry Springer to try and get this injustice heard!



I want vengeance dammit! Not only did one perfectly snacktacular treat turn into a hideous mess of caramel, but I wasted 5 minutes of my life washing the goo from my hands (read: the caramel you sickos!). I want compensation. I wonder if any law firms specialise in litigation for snack related mishaps?

Tiger Woods wins the Open

Well, he has done it. Tiger has won the British Open. Lucky for me, I have been on leave for 2 weeks and had the opportunity to watch all 4 rounds of the Open live. With this win Tiger has won 10 major championships (the 3rd Highest in History!), and he is not even turned 30 yet!



We are lucky enough to be able to watch one of the worlds best players in the height of their career, as our Parents would have watched the Golden Bear Jack Nicklaus, and Arnold Palmer. It was perhaps a fitting twist of fate that saw jack play his last Open Tournement at the same time that Tiger won for the second time. It was almost as if the torch has been passed.



What Makes Tiger such a great player? is it his skill, determination, ability to pull off heroic shots. Watching Tiger is full flight is absolutely awesome. Driving the 380yard Par 4 on the second day was absolutely brilliant, or his high cut 8 iron to the 17th Green. But it wasnt all roses! Tiger was having a tough day in the third round, Drives finding the gorse bush on 2 occasions - But, in True Tiger style, he battled through it with a 1 under round of 71. For that is one of his greatest qualities. To weather the storm, to keep battling when things arent going his way. That is truly the lesson we can all get from the great man. I for one am looking forward to many more years of watching Tiger attack the great courses of the world.



Congratulations on the Win Tiger!

Mark Vs Spiders (Round 2)

After a bloody war of attrition, Mark has gained the upper hand against the Spiders. In the early hours of Saturday morning, Mark made a suprise attack on the Spiders Home Base (aka Garage). Armed with a Broom, a Rake, and copious amounts of Bugspray Mark managed to drive 99% of the Spiders from Sector 1 (aka. Garage Corner #1). Over 50 spiders dead (no shit) Many of which were the heavily armed Funnelwebs, with several smaller, pissier varmits being nailed in the crossfire.



So the battle is won. But how about the war? Well things are progressing nicely. Stay tuned for more late breaking news!

Michaels Craptacular Site

Weblog

Check it out

Mark Vs The Spiders

Well anyone who knows me (and in fact some people who dont) will attest to the utter disdain I have
for Spiders. As a child I would routinely splatter the 8 legged bastardos all over my room, and in fact leave the dead bodies there to decay, and ultimately to serve as a warning to all other spiders. I also (and what kid doesnt) played around with spraying spiders with a can of bug spray just to watch them "squirm".



If i were keeping count, I reckon my stats would be pretty darn spectacular. I would be the equivalent of some sort of NFL Spider Squasher. ".




Well, after moving into my new house I think the Spider Squasher (patent pending) may be in for a fight.
Never in my life have I seen so many godforsaken spider webs. They are everywhere! All over the fences, over the deck, under the deck, around the sides of the deck. And some of the more upmarket spiders have even turned my garage into some sort of Spider Summer camp, with huge mansions all over the place.".




Now, hating spiders so much as I do I have systematically gone through and decimated their ranks starting with the house.
With 4 cans of industrial strength spider spray (ie. the shit that can kill and elephant at forty paces), a long ass broom for swatting, big ass heavy boots (for squashing) and my intuitive hatred for the fuckers. So far so good. Reports from the field are excellent. I have exterminated them from the entire house. Now for the deck and garage. Normal isnect spray here wont be any good. I need something toxic. Ponders - where can I get some depleted uranium shells?".




They reckon the cockroaches will inherit the earth? No bloody likely. Obviously they havent seen the state of my garage.
This weekend will be the ultimate grudge match. Who will win? Will Mark triumph? or will the Spiders keep their summer camp!
Stay tuned!!! Coverage is available on Foxtel mainEvent. Call your Provider for Details.

10 Days and Counting..

Thats right, another 10 days and I have to move my huge mass of shite from my current abode to my new crapshack. Damn, I had _almost_ forgotten how much moving sucks. Boxing the shit up, cleaning, moving the shit around. Its a masochists proverbial wet dream! Oh well. Shit happens. But then, there are definate bonuses to my new place. I have a double car garage. No more houdini efforts to squeeze my big ass car into a tiny ass carport. I can stretch out and park diagonally just for the hell of it.



And whats more, I will actually have broadband again. About fucking time too. I mean, don't get me wrong. For $5.95 a month dodo 56k dialup has done quite a good job, but damn..broadband is just so cool! I can't wait!



10 days and counting...

Winter Hibernation

Well, its definately winter. Im not sure exactly what gave it away. Possibly the blue hue of my fingers, or maybe it was the penguins I saw waddling past my local coffee shoppe. Now normally I'm a bit of a Winter person, but this year for some reason I just can't stand it. Maybe its time I went into hibernation for the Winter. Now that sounds like a plan!

See you in spring!

Forced Exile

Well it looks like I am being forced into exile. Apparently my abundant shitload of holidays is not a good thing and I am being forced to take some. Can exile be good? Well if you work here I would imagine so. Its like going on a paid vacation from hell - you just don't turn that sort of shit down. So starting off this season of fun, tomorrow and firday I shall be on leave. Will i be doing anything constructive? hell no. I mean, (and those that know me can vouch for me here) that I can be one of the laziest ppl on the face of the planet. No doubt there will be equally divided amounts of sleeping, watching tv and xbox time. Possibly some hooning around in my car and god knows what else. Oh well, its a living!

Let the Geekiness Begin!

Lan Game Day! 21st May, 10am - My Place! Warcraft(2/3),Starcraft,halflife(CS),UnrealTournament,Quake3,AOE
TTD,XBox Games and many more! BYO COmputer, Drinks/Snacks and Some $$$ For Pizza! Call me to RSVP!

Dont know my number? Your not invited! hehe Dont know where I live? Well I sure as hell aint posting that here either ;) I do however accept bribes.

Uptimes baby!

Just thought i would share my latest uptime casualty. 624 days of trouble free operation later, one of my Linux Boxes has had to come down for some maintenance. ie. System memory shat itself. Now I hear you trouble makers in the back row shouting "yeah that box probably doesnt do anything!". Bah!! This box in the last 624 days has served more than 20 million page hits, and this is an intranet server! Not bad eh? Now by all accounts I definately am an OpenBSD weeny, and thats the way I like it. However... if built and configured properly (eg. minimalist) than I dont mind a bit of linux on the side!

Another Monday

Im with Garfield on this one. Monday's do truly suck. Monday mornings are the worst. Especially when for some weird ass reason I am here before 8am. Maybe I am a masochist. Who knows! To make it even worst, due to its proximity to Monday ,Sunday is also tarnished with the same brush. Its like the moment before you rush hamburger hill. Mmmm Hamburger.



On the other hand, its a day closer to Saturday..

Oh Boy - what a site!!!

Sometimes in the wonderful world of the Internet, when you are surfing when you are meant to be working, you STUMBLE across a site you cannot believe to be true.

So here is a random selection of what has been discovered today :

Tiddlywinks

AND

Guide to Shooting Rubber Bands

AND FINALLY

Did you know there are millions of ways to lace your shoe?

With that, I am off to find MORE ........ :-)

What the Shit?

Maaate, what the shit? (Insert Incredibly Bad Leb Voiceover here) - Not only am I at work at 7am on a Monday Morning, but now I find Steveo is releasing a craptacular Movie? This is definately one of those fish swimming backwards moments. Im just going to crawl under my desk and hopefully today will sort itself out.



Im Scared!

Friday Afternoon Vortex

Thank goodness it is friday! As I sit here counting the moments until I am free of this dank hellhole, I wonder why the helli should even give a damn.



Fridays are so unproductive for me, I might as well be sitting at home, kicking back with a beer playing Tiger Woods Golf on my xbox. I think somewhere in the construct of my brain, there is obviously some sort of floating point error or divide by zero and my brain thinks its already the weekend.



But if its the weekend, why hasnt my heightened coding ability set in yet? Weekends are an absolute mayhem of coding fury. I write my best code on the weekend, and yet - here, now I couldnt code if my life depended on it. Now some of those who know me, may well say that is pretty much standard for me (quiet in the back). And to that I say - nunananananana BATMAN!



Well, I guess I should get back to it - whatever "it" is. If anyone finds out, can you let me know?

Who is Dr Nguyen Van Thop?

Now Ive been getting this question quite a bit lately, in fact ever since I changed my MSN Handle to this name.And I though, rather than answer another 20 times the origin of this new alias, that maybe I would save everyone the trouble and post it here.



The name is derived from a Simpsons episode. Can anyone guess which one? *thinking music* Nopes? "A StreetCar named Marge".



Lionel Hutz is burning all his personal posessions in the simpsons fireplace, he then remarks "Lionel Hutz is dead, say Hello to Miguel Sanchez". At the end of the episode the voiceover says "Lionel Hutz, AKA Miguel Sánchez, AKA Dr. Nguyen Van Falk was paid $5 for babysitting, he was glad to get it!"



Lionel Hutz, AKA Miguel Sánchez, AKA Dr. Nguyen Van Falk, is an unscrupulous ambulance-chasing "law talking guy" hired by the less affluent citizens of Springfield, mainly the Simpson family.
Note on the alias "Dr. Nguyen Van Falk" (as spelled in the closed captioning). UCLA Law Student Adam Baker says "Thoc" is a Vietnamese name while "Falk" is not, and thus his alias would be entirely Vietnamese (and entirely without credibility). Also "Nguyen" is mispronounced as "noo-yen" which can be taken as "Noonien", like from two Star Trek episodes: Khan Noonien Singh and Noonien Soong (Data's creator).



While van Falk would be the proper usage, I feel van thop gives it a little something extra ;) It is pronounced "Van-thoc" or "van-foc" in the episode, and sounds more like "van-thop" And hence...my alias.



Mattius the pirate has has taken on another of Lionel Hutz's aliases with Miguel Sanchez. The more the merrier! Get your alias today!



Here is an awesome site, its the Lionel Hutz File!

Daniel Ellsberg - Secrets: A Memoir of Vietnam and the Pentagon Papers

Daniel Ellsberg - Secrets: A Memoir of Vietnam and the Pentagon Papers



I stumbled across this by accident. I was watching a movie called funnily enough "The Pentagon Papers". Its an intriguing look at the Vietnam War, and how Ellsberg released a 7,000page top secret document. In this remarkable memoir, Ellsberg describes in detail the two years he spent in Vietnam as a U.S. State Department observer, and how he risked his career and freedom to expose the deceptions and delusions that shaped three decades of American foreign policy.



After reading some exerps from this book I will be definately buying this one!

Clickety Clack

Ahh ye olde sounds of timeless technology. The absolute pinnacle of perfection in input devices. The IBM Keyboard! No, not those new fangled plastic, dishwasher safe pieces of shite. Im talking the good old circa 1986 genuine IBM PC Keyboards.



Im convinced that there will never be a better keyboard. EVER! Its got everything, the precise feel, the reassuring click, click, Metal chassis and that superlative beige finish. With every keystroke you can feel the machinery working, and hear it too. In fact anyone within a 200 metre radius knows your using that keyboard, and probably what letter you typed.



With my latest aquisition, I now have 4 of these bad boys. Earliest - 1984, and the latest 1986 (a young-en). Im sure these will be around long after I log off this earthly terminal.

Workshop/Exam Questions - Too Boring?

Well after completing a Microsoft Course a few weeks back - WIndows 2003 Active Directory Design, I have to say - how fricken boring are the questions/workshop scenarios? Example: COmpany blah blah has two offices they want to connect to enable syncronisation between AD forests." Now by this point I am off in the land of Nod, or possibly surfing the web through the Training Centres internet connection.



Why can't those unimaginatory sloths from Microsoft Courseware make questions fun, interesting and not boring! Well never fear Microsoft Scumbags, for Mark shall make some questions for you!.





Lab Exercise 1:.



You have three sites - The bat Cave, Gotham City Police Department, and bruce Waynes mansion. Design an a network and active directory structure that allows the following:
.



1.Batman to surf porn through Gotham Citys T1 Connection to the internet

.


2 Batmans Site must not be accessable by Administrators in either of the other two sites. How will you logically seperate the sites in the AD Design? Should batman have Enterprise Admin rights? Explain why a superhero needs admin rights.
.




3 How many AD Forests will be in your design? Explain why Batman should live in a forest.




4 Enable delegation of control of bruce Waynes mansion Site to Batman if so requires.
.





5 Batman has "superfriends" that need to access his network on occasions (lan games, sharing files etc) Design an extranet to allow this to happen securely.
.




6. Robin needs remote access to Batmans cave when he is running around the city in those gay ass costumes. With security as a touchpoint - design a remote access infrastructure that will enable access, and stop him wearing tights
.




Hell, Im more interested already!

All Quiet on the Mofo Front

Yes I know, I havent been posting much on here lately. Why? Well Mofoisms is my outlet for my various rants, and lately I just havent had any.



No idea why, work is shitting me off, and while I could rant on about the infinite crapness which is work - I won't bring myself down to that level. Work talk is best left at work, and hence I won't be saying anything about my professional life.



So what else has been happening? Bunches as per usual! Just over 5 and a bit months until I am married (and I cant wait!), my usual geeky tendencies are once again running rampant (read: transport tycoon and Tiger Woods Golf!).



Im getting back to my geeky roots and writing some open source stuff again. Its been a long time coming. I code for the fun of it, for the challenge. Not for profit. So when my carefactor and general inspiration is lacking, my coding stops! Look out in the coming months for several new Releases from MofoSoft (Patent Pending)



Well, thats all folks! Ill post again when I have some more Mofo-type-stuff to post. Until then, Farewell!

New Phone For Me

Well its finally happened! Ive bought a new mobile :) Its been a long stretch since my distant purchase of a Nokia 8250 many moons ago. But dammit its time for a change.



Settled on a Motorola V3 cos its just so damn thin! An absolutely gorgeous phone with heaps of features. Need I say more?



Check it out!

Happy Tree Friends

This is so wrong and broken, and wrong and broken that it is hillarious! Check it out!! Wrong and Broken

World Wide Web (of Shit)

Sitting here pondering my own existence, and debating with myself my own pro-dustbunny stance, I turn to the web in search of something even relatively close to "interesting". No such luck. I cant remember the last time browsing the web was even close to mediocre, let alone stimulating or exciting.



Its true, the web has become the crappile of the century. Porn,illegal music downloads, porn, moronic lusers who have found out how to post to forums, porn, porn popups, popups, popups. Did I mention porn?



Stuff it. The web is overrated. Im going back to ye-old-faithful TV, or maybe the xbox... Yes..xbox..or beer. Or Beer and Xbox. Looks like my evening is planned!

uPaq / iPaq

Awhile ago I went to Singapore, and purchased a whizzbang iPaq ..... YUMMY!! For no reason other than I HAD TO HAVE ONE, had no idea what it did, what it could do .... but I was convinced I could make use of it! And I have. LOVE IT!

Jump forward to the beginning of February, and me, having continually updated my contacts list in my iPaq, decided I should "sync" it with my e-mail account (as I usually do). Hmmmmmmm, having issues, ......... tech-head friends give me NEW version of sync software ........ sync, sync, sync.

Off I go on a work sponsored trip to the City of Churches .... open the beloved iPaq to search for a number - NOTHING! NADA! ZIP! ZERO!

Tears, stamping of feet, throwing myself on the floor and screaming - to no avail. Still on contacts on the iPaq. They are not in the e-mail system, back up - HA! What? Now nothing works - the software has gone belly up!

Fast forward to TODAY - other faithful tech-head friend gives me some advice - uninstall NEW dodgy software, re-install OLD, working software, and take a chance.

SIGH - OK..... and ..... what is this ........ syncing, syncing ...... TA DA. It worked, and for the finale ........ my Contacts list re-appeared ... Don't know how, or why - and don't care ..... NOW, about that Back up option ....

This is a test Using Hello and Picasa2 From Google to post images directly from Picasa to my blog! Nifty STuff!! What is that photo? First person to guess gets a gold star!!  

TarpMan

It is true, I have become... a SuperhEro! My name is Tarpman? Why.. Well read on..



For those that know me, you would also know that I am somewhat fanatical about my car. Going within a 1metre radius of my car without permission and expect deadly force response in nanoseconds. At my new crapshack however i only have a carport. Thats right, no garage for me! So whats the Solution..Tarps!!



Now before you dimiss me as an absolute nutter, or some sort of suburbs hobo, keep reading. My delema was a complex one. How do I get all the benefits of a garage from a carport (within the confines of Rental Agreements of course -ie. no construction/holes etc).



Step 1 - Source Materials!



Trip to bunnings and I had myself some 100% waterproof quasi shadecloth (acrylic) a couple of metal channels that "supposedly" attach shadecloth and withstand gale force winds. But how to attach it? Well thats simple. I constructed a bunch of clamps - two bits of wood (one either side of the post) with bolts between them! - Channels bolt to clamps! genius!!!



Now this is fine for the sides that never open.. but the front and rear? Two mofo heavy duty tarps!!



Step 2 - Construction



After putting all this crap together I had a bit of an issue. Even with the shadecloth stretched out - there was some lateral movement (top and bottom) as the span was 3 metres!! Solution - Shadecloth attachments that snap on to Wire/Rope and a few bits of rope top and bottom!! Sorted!!



The result? I now have a fully enclosed carpport. There is some manual efort required to "deploy" the front tarp but its all good! And as the absolutely huge/dangerous storm two days ago in Sydney Proved - this shit is built solid! All tarps are still in place! No ripping, Nothing!! Whereas my back Metal shed had its door ripped off!!!!



in the future i may develop a commerically viable business just selling conversion kits for carports.. Why the Hell not?

Repetitive Stress Injury

Has anyone else experienced the extreme discomfort of using an xbox controller for extended periods of time? And im not talking about a 5 minute bash, more like 5 hours++. Both my thumbs look like they have been tenderised by a meat mallet ad nausiem. I was totally engrossed in Tiger Woods PGA Tour 2004 (awesome awesome game) and now Im walking around with two thumbs up in the air. Two thumbs up for excellent holiday fun, not.

Car Shitnat Part II

Having just read steveos post (*applause*) I thought Id throw my cowboy hat into the ring. As I currently own the crown of most money poured into a hunk of metal on wheels I thought Id share my in car experiences :)



I went down a different route to steveo and poured (literally) money into a big ass incar stereo. But not just any stereo. Having done some research I settled on a nice little piece of Alpine Kit - with native support for WMA and MP3 Discs. Cool! No more burning CDs to native format. Even supports the winamp wanky scrolling titles (ID3 tags - or inbuilt media info for WMA). Now this is pretty cool!.

But alas there is a problem. I also dumped about 3,000 buckaroos on Bosotn Accoustics Speakers (8 of them!), a couple of hipo Rockford Fosgate Amps (to drive both speakers and subs) and two big pumpin RockFord 12" Subs as well as expensive huge ass guage speaker wire through the entire car.



Problem is - MP3/WMA music - regardless of bitrate cannot match a standard CD for sound quality. To quantify this with some more empirical evidence - my surround sound DTS home theatre at home has the same problem (and thats with a digital/optical out straight to the Digital Reciever!)



Hmmm, so the quality of MP3/WMA sound is inversely proportional to the quality of the speakers/stereo you play it on! BINGO!! Solution? Audio CDs rule the roost. Its a sad fact that in this digital age that an MP3/WMA format cannot match a simple cda quality.



Oh well, if I have to burn shit to cda then I guess I have to :) Ill tell you what, nothing sounds as awesome as cranking a CD on a really good quality system!



Having said that there is rumours that Apple will release in car entertainment systems built on the Ipod. Systems (like mine) can already control ipod functions through the headunit thanks to the Alpine AINet bus which allows communication with other devices such as mobile phones as well (read: you can send/receive SMS on a nokia through AINet). Lets hope that something is done to improve the sound of MP3 based recordings.



End of Rant.

Hand Carved Magazine | Articles: Smurfing Socialists

Smurfing Socialists Im sure has done the rounds quite a bit, but damn Im bored and any opportunity to read about smurfs sounded like fun. I am, after all a Smurf (What? You didnt know?)



Hand Carved Magazine | Articles: Smurfing Socialists