The Freddo Diet

We hear all the time about these weird ass diets the stars are on. Hi Carbs, Low Carbs, Nothing but cabbage etc etc. Well i have devised my own Uber-Cool Diet! Its the Freddo diet. But not any normal freddos. Giant size fundraising freddos. Yummo. So far empirical evidence to support my claims is fairly good. I will have to Doctor up, err compile some more stats as my diet progresses.

More Chickens than a Chinese Airline

We have a bit of an ongoing joke here at work. Everytime someone tries to record a greeting/voicemail message on the phone system, we always make some sort of a chicken noise in the background. Sometimes its a "cluck Cluck", sometimes a "buurrrrrrrkkk", but its always there. Who the hell knows why we do it. Its a tradition. To the casual observer it would probably seem that our office is overrun with chickens of various descriptions. Hell, most of our company doesnt even know this office exists, maybe I'm not really here and I'm not typing this message. Oooh spooky.

Spatial Interference

My spacial interference quotient seems to be way too high today. And what do I mean by that? Quite simply, the number of retards/miscrients invading my personal space. Its only 8:30am, I am barely conscious, let alone able to answer the most simple of questions. Get me a short black and I might somehow mutate once again into a lifeform capable of facilitating information transfer.

Aggressive Software Pushers

Ever had software thrust apon you like it will somehow fix all your ills, and restore mankind to some sort of Nirvana? All too often I have beta software thrust apon me. And why am I asked to install it? Because its new. Thats right. Lets forget the fact that it is bleeding edge, bug infested and very very stinky. I mean, far from me being a hermit, but I prefer to only update software when there is some earth shattering reason to do it.



At home its a different story, but this is a production environment people. So get back to reading your Business/Manager Techno mags with all your interesting buzzwords and social commentary. And I will go look after the important shit.

Marks Vs the Spiders.. The battle Continues

After a relatively docile couple of days the Spiders have launched some daring patrols into the Heart of Mark-Country(tm). The little bastards not only infiltrated the sunroom,the hallway (obviously they were trying to deactivate my alarm system! genius!) but also made a daring early morning raid on my bedroom. Now, without going into endless details, suffice to say the spider and a pair of pants were very closely involved. How close? well frankly any distance involving a pair of pants, a spider and me is too close. In any event, thats one Spider that won't be coming home from the front.



Now the favourite part, the deathcount. With the latest two fatalities the Spider-Army is now missing >75 comrades. And Marks-Army, well damn. Im still standing!

Alien Gang Probe

For some reason I have this Simpsons Episode stuck in my head. Its absolutely fricken hillarious! Exerp:


Homer: But Amber, I can change!


Ned: Will you shut up?!


Homer: All right, let's get our stories straight for Marge and
Maude. [the two begin walking down the highway] We were out
buying them fabulous gifts ...


Ned: What's the occasion?


Homer: Because we love them, jackass! Anyhoo, we came out of Wal-
Mart when suddenly, one hundred spaceships ...


Ned: Homer!


Homer: You're right, you're right, fifty spaceships beamed us
aboard. They gang-probed you, while I discovered an
invention that blew their heads up and saved America.


Ned: Uh, do I have to be gang-probed?
[two vultures land on the highway behind them, first looking
at Ned and Homer, then each other]


Homer: Would you rather tell Maude the truth?


Ned: [sighs] What did the aliens look like?


Homer: Well, I only saw them from the back 'cause they were so busy
gang-probing you. Well hello, little birdie! [fade to
black]

Fiddle De De

Another day, another pack of assholes to make my life hell. I think these people must be assigned to follow me around and just generally piss me off. All i need is a baseball bat, a tazer and some cabbage and Im sure they would leave me alone.

Brisk Morning

Well, its another brisk Winter morning here in ye olde Sydney Town. Those clear skies really let the temperature plummet this time of year. I think I may have had a touch of frostbite trudging to work this morning. But I have to say, I definately like those early morning walks in Winter. The air is so clear and fresh, and while you may lose feeling to differing parts of your body, it sure is envigorating. Not quite the whole hair shampoo ad kinda envigorating, but still!



A quick coffee and Im ready to start the morning. What will today bring? I shudder to think. I can see the line of fuckwits waiting to annoy me already stretching to the horizon. However, tomorrow is the weekend. Shit, Im turning into an optomist. Or possibly a pessemistic optomist. Or something like that..

Caramello Koala - Structural Flaw Discovered

Yes, its true! The beloved Caramello Koala has a structural design flaw that is not only extremely dangerous, but highly disturbing. Unfortunately, the makers of Mister Koala have skimped on the chocolate thickness, particularly in the central quadrant somewhere around the region of his pants. The result? Any kind of light/medium pressure on the his belly and WhaM!!! Caramel everywhere!! Now this is just a total and absolute outrage! Im currently writing a letter to 60 minutes, today tonight and Jerry Springer to try and get this injustice heard!



I want vengeance dammit! Not only did one perfectly snacktacular treat turn into a hideous mess of caramel, but I wasted 5 minutes of my life washing the goo from my hands (read: the caramel you sickos!). I want compensation. I wonder if any law firms specialise in litigation for snack related mishaps?

Tiger Woods wins the Open

Well, he has done it. Tiger has won the British Open. Lucky for me, I have been on leave for 2 weeks and had the opportunity to watch all 4 rounds of the Open live. With this win Tiger has won 10 major championships (the 3rd Highest in History!), and he is not even turned 30 yet!



We are lucky enough to be able to watch one of the worlds best players in the height of their career, as our Parents would have watched the Golden Bear Jack Nicklaus, and Arnold Palmer. It was perhaps a fitting twist of fate that saw jack play his last Open Tournement at the same time that Tiger won for the second time. It was almost as if the torch has been passed.



What Makes Tiger such a great player? is it his skill, determination, ability to pull off heroic shots. Watching Tiger is full flight is absolutely awesome. Driving the 380yard Par 4 on the second day was absolutely brilliant, or his high cut 8 iron to the 17th Green. But it wasnt all roses! Tiger was having a tough day in the third round, Drives finding the gorse bush on 2 occasions - But, in True Tiger style, he battled through it with a 1 under round of 71. For that is one of his greatest qualities. To weather the storm, to keep battling when things arent going his way. That is truly the lesson we can all get from the great man. I for one am looking forward to many more years of watching Tiger attack the great courses of the world.



Congratulations on the Win Tiger!

Mark Vs Spiders (Round 2)

After a bloody war of attrition, Mark has gained the upper hand against the Spiders. In the early hours of Saturday morning, Mark made a suprise attack on the Spiders Home Base (aka Garage). Armed with a Broom, a Rake, and copious amounts of Bugspray Mark managed to drive 99% of the Spiders from Sector 1 (aka. Garage Corner #1). Over 50 spiders dead (no shit) Many of which were the heavily armed Funnelwebs, with several smaller, pissier varmits being nailed in the crossfire.



So the battle is won. But how about the war? Well things are progressing nicely. Stay tuned for more late breaking news!

Michaels Craptacular Site

Weblog

Check it out