Am I the only one who misses those? They were fantastic! By far better than any energy drink ever! But where did they go, why did they get pulled?
Perhaps it was the hallucinations caused by drinking too many of these bad boys. I myself had some absolutely awesome hallucinations where I saw monkeys bouncing round the car after about 5 of them in a row. My brother had even more bizarre sightings of shit including gumby, a deer with a power cord coming out of its head - and ribena berries bouncing down the road.
I for one welcome any sort of beverage which causes these awesome flights of fancy! But alas - they are no more. Perhaps there is a few cases sitting around in a warehouse somewhere.. perhaps not. All I know is, the world is definately a less magical place now its gone. RIP Black Stallion - *wipes away a tear* - I miss you every day!
If you want to read my deranged rantings about the aforementioned monkeys - Click Here
Thursday, December 18, 2008
Wednesday, December 17, 2008
Christmas Lights
Well its that time of the year again. Christmas lights are going up (aka self aware-self igniting-house combustion systems) all over the place - and not the good kind. How can I make such categorisation I hear you ask - good question fuckstick. I shall elaborate.
There are two sorts of christmas lights - (1) Well planned and executed - not merely safety in numbers, but a tasteful display of ordered and considered form (2) Shitloads of crappy lights in the shapes of god knows what (whatever was on sale at the local cheapo store I gather) strung precariously on anything that either moves, has moved at some time) or perhaps will never move in the future - those friggen blowup santas with lights that look like the marshmellow man out of ghostbusters - and other various tacky decorations.
So you managed to bathe the front of your house in 600 million crappy lights. Congratulations - its not like it takes brains. In fact - doing that would likely require the absence of brains.
I on the other hand consider myself a Christmas lights artisan. I take the finest lights available, and craft them into mesmorising forms and shapes. Last year it was a 25 foot wire christmas tree with over 4,000 colored lights, and a self contained wire star on top with 2,000 of its own clear lights. It was self supporting, requiring nothing to hold its shape - other than the wire I used to craft it. Now thats how you do christmas lights you fuckers.
So whats next? Who knows. I wanted to have a go at cracking the 50ft barrier with a new tree (alongside the existing 25 foot one of course) - or perhaps even higher! The skys the limit. Which brings me to my next challenge - a 50ft tree on top of my roof. Yeah baby!
There are two sorts of christmas lights - (1) Well planned and executed - not merely safety in numbers, but a tasteful display of ordered and considered form (2) Shitloads of crappy lights in the shapes of god knows what (whatever was on sale at the local cheapo store I gather) strung precariously on anything that either moves, has moved at some time) or perhaps will never move in the future - those friggen blowup santas with lights that look like the marshmellow man out of ghostbusters - and other various tacky decorations.
So you managed to bathe the front of your house in 600 million crappy lights. Congratulations - its not like it takes brains. In fact - doing that would likely require the absence of brains.
I on the other hand consider myself a Christmas lights artisan. I take the finest lights available, and craft them into mesmorising forms and shapes. Last year it was a 25 foot wire christmas tree with over 4,000 colored lights, and a self contained wire star on top with 2,000 of its own clear lights. It was self supporting, requiring nothing to hold its shape - other than the wire I used to craft it. Now thats how you do christmas lights you fuckers.
So whats next? Who knows. I wanted to have a go at cracking the 50ft barrier with a new tree (alongside the existing 25 foot one of course) - or perhaps even higher! The skys the limit. Which brings me to my next challenge - a 50ft tree on top of my roof. Yeah baby!
Tuesday, December 16, 2008
Mortal Combat - Central Park Style
This is friggen hillarious! Mortal Combat never looked so good!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xOYjtSumBRo
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xOYjtSumBRo
Now Coming to an Adium near you...BOFH!
I've always loved BOFH. Theres nothing better than taking time out to read a few BOFH articles and let the world slowly melt away.
And now - you too can have BOFH excuses generated from the comfort of your own adium! Sweet!
BOFH Adium Script
And now - you too can have BOFH excuses generated from the comfort of your own adium! Sweet!
BOFH Adium Script
Monday, October 20, 2008
Working From Home
Read this great article on Wired about Telecommuting.
Its amazing that in this day and ages, with such obvious benefits - that it is still frowned apon. The biggest problem is the groups/people who cant/won't work from home and suffer from some obvious jealously issues. Why isn't IT here for me to crawl up their ass about my inane problem?
How about I make you a deal. I'll work from work if you:
Thats my update, have a great day. And no - I'm not WFH today - just in case you wanted to know!
Its amazing that in this day and ages, with such obvious benefits - that it is still frowned apon. The biggest problem is the groups/people who cant/won't work from home and suffer from some obvious jealously issues. Why isn't IT here for me to crawl up their ass about my inane problem?
How about I make you a deal. I'll work from work if you:
- Do not interrupt me every minute with stupid shit. How anyone is supposed to have enough time to get any work done is beyond me. Focus in blocks of 3 minutes or less = fuck all work done.
- You subsidize parking/transport - especially in these days of ridiculous petrol prices, overcrowded and irregular public transport.
- You create an environment where one is able to focus without the general ambient noise killing me (seriously - open plan was cool once - but not any more!) Any room with > 20 ppl in an enclosed space is just asking for trouble
Thats my update, have a great day. And no - I'm not WFH today - just in case you wanted to know!
Friday, October 17, 2008
Something Clever For a Friday Arvo
Heard this from somewhere or other - thought it was pretty clever.
"One of the most interesting operations was the laundry mat [sic]. Having lost many troops and civilians to bombings, the Brits decided they needed to determine who was making the bombs and where they were being manufactured. One bright fellow recommended they operate a laundry and when asked "what the hell he was talking about," he explained the plan and it was incorporated -- to much success.
The plan was simple: Build a laundry and staff it with locals and a few of their own. The laundry would then send out "color coded" special discount tickets, to the effect of "get two loads for the price of one," etc. The color coding was matched to specific streets and thus when someone brought in their laundry, it was easy to determine the general location from which a city map was coded.
While the laundry was indeed being washed, pressed and dry cleaned, it had one additional cycle -- every garment, sheet, glove, pair of pants, was first sent through an analyzer, located in the basement, that checked for bomb-making residue. The analyzer was disguised as just another piece of the laundry equipment; good OPSEC [operational security]. Within a few weeks, multiple positives had shown up, indicating the ingredients of bomb residue, and intelligence had determined which areas of the city were involved. To narrow their target list, [the laundry] simply sent out more specific coupons [numbered] to all houses in the area, and before long they had good addresses. After confirming addresses, authorities with the SAS teams swooped down on the multiple homes and arrested multiple personnel and confiscated numerous assembled bombs, weapons and ingredients. During the entire operation, no one was injured or killed."
"One of the most interesting operations was the laundry mat [sic]. Having lost many troops and civilians to bombings, the Brits decided they needed to determine who was making the bombs and where they were being manufactured. One bright fellow recommended they operate a laundry and when asked "what the hell he was talking about," he explained the plan and it was incorporated -- to much success.
The plan was simple: Build a laundry and staff it with locals and a few of their own. The laundry would then send out "color coded" special discount tickets, to the effect of "get two loads for the price of one," etc. The color coding was matched to specific streets and thus when someone brought in their laundry, it was easy to determine the general location from which a city map was coded.
While the laundry was indeed being washed, pressed and dry cleaned, it had one additional cycle -- every garment, sheet, glove, pair of pants, was first sent through an analyzer, located in the basement, that checked for bomb-making residue. The analyzer was disguised as just another piece of the laundry equipment; good OPSEC [operational security]. Within a few weeks, multiple positives had shown up, indicating the ingredients of bomb residue, and intelligence had determined which areas of the city were involved. To narrow their target list, [the laundry] simply sent out more specific coupons [numbered] to all houses in the area, and before long they had good addresses. After confirming addresses, authorities with the SAS teams swooped down on the multiple homes and arrested multiple personnel and confiscated numerous assembled bombs, weapons and ingredients. During the entire operation, no one was injured or killed."
Tuesday, October 14, 2008
Reasons Why Today Blows Big Meaty Chunks
- The aircon at work is broken still/always
- The hamburglars birthday is still a whole 2 months away
- My carefactor has dropped so low that it cannot be expressed using a signed 32 bit integer
- I'm friggen tired
- I have so many helpdesk tickets coming out my ass that I'm walking funny
Thursday, September 18, 2008
Tuesday, September 09, 2008
My Grandpa
It is with a heavy heart that I write this post. My grandfather passed away recently and looking at the amazing life he lived,
the great adventures, trials - and tribulations, and also his amazing character of mind and spirit - I sit and smile. I
remember the good times, the warmth and love.
I remember his laugh and his silly sense of humour. The many hours he spent teaching me how to be a golfer - and more importantly, how to be a good person.
He was always encouraging - never disparaging. And with a kindness that will always endure. I always wanted to grow
up and to be just like my grandpa.
I used to watch him woodworking for hours, asking stupid questions and taking notes.
For me their house was my second home as a child. And it felt like they were as much my parents as my own.
I used to love curling up on the couch in the evenings,and grandpa would regale me with stories from his colourful life.
From his time in the army, to his life in Canada before migrating to Australia and the countless trips around
australia and the rest of the world. Sometimes they would be repeated - but I didnt care. I just loved hearing them.
Memory is more indelible than ink. And there is where my grandpa will live on. He will always be with me. And every day hundreds
of little things will remind me of him. And when it does - I will stop and smile, and remember my grandfather.
the great adventures, trials - and tribulations, and also his amazing character of mind and spirit - I sit and smile. I
remember the good times, the warmth and love.
I remember his laugh and his silly sense of humour. The many hours he spent teaching me how to be a golfer - and more importantly, how to be a good person.
He was always encouraging - never disparaging. And with a kindness that will always endure. I always wanted to grow
up and to be just like my grandpa.
I used to watch him woodworking for hours, asking stupid questions and taking notes.
For me their house was my second home as a child. And it felt like they were as much my parents as my own.
I used to love curling up on the couch in the evenings,and grandpa would regale me with stories from his colourful life.
From his time in the army, to his life in Canada before migrating to Australia and the countless trips around
australia and the rest of the world. Sometimes they would be repeated - but I didnt care. I just loved hearing them.
Memory is more indelible than ink. And there is where my grandpa will live on. He will always be with me. And every day hundreds
of little things will remind me of him. And when it does - I will stop and smile, and remember my grandfather.
Monday, September 01, 2008
Take your iPhone Rhetoric and Shove it Up Your Ass
For the last time - no I will not be buying an iPhone. I would prefer to have a giant wart the size of a colopus monkey on my ass - than to buy one of those festy pieces of shit. What is this stupid desire to have useless piece O shit gadgets? Its a shit phone, with a shit camera, with some touch screen sorcery - that costs a mint. Get over it.
Unlike the vast majority of sheep - err consumers - I don't buy shit purely because it is new. I want a phone. I don't want a camera (I already have a GOOD camera- not the useless shithouse cameras on these phones), I don't want an MP3 player, a video player, a portable tazer, or any other useless gadget. Heres an idea you fuckers - how about you make the fucking things cheaper. I couldn't give a flying fuck about a great new gadget. I would prefer a phone that doesn't break if you drop it, doesn't scratch (unless you keep it in some sort of gay ass aftermarket pouch/protector. Quality and durability - now theres a thought!
The next person who mentions an iPhone will be getting an iEnima.
Unlike the vast majority of sheep - err consumers - I don't buy shit purely because it is new. I want a phone. I don't want a camera (I already have a GOOD camera- not the useless shithouse cameras on these phones), I don't want an MP3 player, a video player, a portable tazer, or any other useless gadget. Heres an idea you fuckers - how about you make the fucking things cheaper. I couldn't give a flying fuck about a great new gadget. I would prefer a phone that doesn't break if you drop it, doesn't scratch (unless you keep it in some sort of gay ass aftermarket pouch/protector. Quality and durability - now theres a thought!
The next person who mentions an iPhone will be getting an iEnima.
Friday, August 29, 2008
Public transport and the leg Spread Epedemic
You know what shits me about traveling on the trains (yes - I know this is a friggen long list of possibilities). Its those damn morons that chuck mega legspreads when sitting on the seat next to you.
A "normal" person (and I use that term very loosely) will sit on a seat with their knees pretty close together - you know, to give the other fucker sitting next to them room to exist in time and space. These twats think its their god given right to use up every single millimeter of space - while you are crammed up against the window.
I half expect a Doctor to turn up and start saying "Come on push! Almost there" and a baby to shoot out.
Why do they do it? Fucknose. Perhaps its some sort of ritual to fend off the evil wedgie gods, or maybe they think they are some sort of dope skatie dudes - or that they just plain think they are too cool for school.
Well I have a news flash for your Walter Cronkite - You Aren't!
A "normal" person (and I use that term very loosely) will sit on a seat with their knees pretty close together - you know, to give the other fucker sitting next to them room to exist in time and space. These twats think its their god given right to use up every single millimeter of space - while you are crammed up against the window.
I half expect a Doctor to turn up and start saying "Come on push! Almost there" and a baby to shoot out.
Why do they do it? Fucknose. Perhaps its some sort of ritual to fend off the evil wedgie gods, or maybe they think they are some sort of dope skatie dudes - or that they just plain think they are too cool for school.
Well I have a news flash for your Walter Cronkite - You Aren't!
Wednesday, August 27, 2008
I am Jason Bourne
Fuck the Bourne Supremacy is on again. If I see this movie one more time I might actually start to be believe that I am Jason Bourne (again). Now don;t get me wrong. This movie does rock. I mean - shit, he jumps between buildings and through windows and shit, and nails bad guys like its going out of style - its just that the limp dicked knobs at your local paytv company seem to think that by playing one movie hundreds of times ad nauseum - that we will proclaim them gods among men - and open our wallets and credit cards to pay for their next marketing masturbatory fantasy. Also known as Foxtel HD+..
So I'm left with a few options - (1) smash the shit out of the TV to prevent the nasty covert Ops from subverting my brainwaves (2) Become Bourne and go on some sort of kickass car chase and blow some meanies to the shit (3) Have some nasty ass flashbacks to my days as a spy - possibly involving some sort of explosions and shit (4) Change the channel.
Man - don't make me choose just one! Urge to smash growing..
I hate it when these bastards ruin movies like this for me, last time this happened was with the Lizzy Maguire Movie (no wait, did I just say that out loud) - Bah fuck it.. I don't care what you think! I liked it! Except gordo - that little wheeny made me want to smack him in the nuts with a croquet mallet
So I'm left with a few options - (1) smash the shit out of the TV to prevent the nasty covert Ops from subverting my brainwaves (2) Become Bourne and go on some sort of kickass car chase and blow some meanies to the shit (3) Have some nasty ass flashbacks to my days as a spy - possibly involving some sort of explosions and shit (4) Change the channel.
Man - don't make me choose just one! Urge to smash growing..
I hate it when these bastards ruin movies like this for me, last time this happened was with the Lizzy Maguire Movie (no wait, did I just say that out loud) - Bah fuck it.. I don't care what you think! I liked it! Except gordo - that little wheeny made me want to smack him in the nuts with a croquet mallet
TV Has Gone to the Shit
What is it with all the shit movies (or even lack thereof) of movies at all on TV these days.
When I was a kid there was a friggen movie every night at 8:30 on weekends, even even some weekdays. Now what do we get? Fuckin reality tv. Seriously, how long is this bad case of reality TV herpes going to persist? I swear, I can gain more cultural insight and entertainment value watching my dog lick her own ass.
And shit, if its not another reality TV show its another bloody Crime drama. If I see another fricken CSI show - I'm going to snap. What is this obsession with crime? If you want to see crime so badly I'll come around and smack you around with an ugly stick. Hell, there is no end to what I would do to not have to watch some lameass crime drama again.
Is this what we have been reduced to? Reality tv shows (some retard singing, dancing, joining a circus etc etc) crime dramas (CSI Mount Druitt, CSI Elevator Inspectors unit) and now we have the next lame set of reality tv shows - hairdressers. Seriously - who the fuck wants to watch a tv show where obvious morons all vie for some supreme honour of being king shit of fucking hairdresser hill.
When I was a kid there was a friggen movie every night at 8:30 on weekends, even even some weekdays. Now what do we get? Fuckin reality tv. Seriously, how long is this bad case of reality TV herpes going to persist? I swear, I can gain more cultural insight and entertainment value watching my dog lick her own ass.
And shit, if its not another reality TV show its another bloody Crime drama. If I see another fricken CSI show - I'm going to snap. What is this obsession with crime? If you want to see crime so badly I'll come around and smack you around with an ugly stick. Hell, there is no end to what I would do to not have to watch some lameass crime drama again.
Is this what we have been reduced to? Reality tv shows (some retard singing, dancing, joining a circus etc etc) crime dramas (CSI Mount Druitt, CSI Elevator Inspectors unit) and now we have the next lame set of reality tv shows - hairdressers. Seriously - who the fuck wants to watch a tv show where obvious morons all vie for some supreme honour of being king shit of fucking hairdresser hill.
Another Week
I know! Not very creative - but hey! I only have a certain amount of creativity to be dispensed on a weekly basis, and to hell if I'm going to use it for a simple blog post. So deal with it!
Its been one of those weeks. You know the ones. Where it would have been a far more enjoyable experience to incrementally remove my brain with a salad fork then to deal with reality.
C'est la vie - or to put it in more familiar terms - shit happens.
Well, thats about all I've got to contribute to this big giant steaming cesspool of a blog. Stay tuned for more erratic, ill timed and strangely intriguing posts from yours truly.
Its been one of those weeks. You know the ones. Where it would have been a far more enjoyable experience to incrementally remove my brain with a salad fork then to deal with reality.
C'est la vie - or to put it in more familiar terms - shit happens.
Well, thats about all I've got to contribute to this big giant steaming cesspool of a blog. Stay tuned for more erratic, ill timed and strangely intriguing posts from yours truly.
Tuesday, July 01, 2008
Tell Me Why, I don't like Projects .....
(sung to the tune of I don't like Mondays) - thanks to Sir Bob Geldof.
What IS IT with )(*^&^%&*(^ Project Managers? Do you only become a Project Manager when you can show you have NO BRAIN, no understanding of basic concepts??
(Apologies to those 2 Project Managers that DO know how to manage a project)
Sorry, needed to vent ......... that is ALL.
What IS IT with )(*^&^%&*(^ Project Managers? Do you only become a Project Manager when you can show you have NO BRAIN, no understanding of basic concepts??
(Apologies to those 2 Project Managers that DO know how to manage a project)
Sorry, needed to vent ......... that is ALL.
Quote of the Day
"Risk Everything, or Gain Nothing" - Geoffrey De Charney, 1358
Geoffrey de Charney, or Geoffroy de Charnay, was Preceptor of Normandy for the Knights Templar, burned alive along with Jacques de Molay in 1314.
Geoffrey de Charney was initially sentenced to lifetime imprisonment with de Molay, and was burned with de Molay in 1314 after both proclaimed their innocence, recanting torture-induced confessions.
Geoffrey de Charney, or Geoffroy de Charnay, was Preceptor of Normandy for the Knights Templar, burned alive along with Jacques de Molay in 1314.
Geoffrey de Charney was initially sentenced to lifetime imprisonment with de Molay, and was burned with de Molay in 1314 after both proclaimed their innocence, recanting torture-induced confessions.
Friday, June 13, 2008
I'm Bacccckkkkkkk
Holy testicle tuesday - err friday batman. Thats right! After a good 2 year hiatus Mofoisms is back in town.
Why? Good question grasshopper. Unfortunately I can't be assed taking the time to respond. Suffice to say I couldn't be assed looking after hosting and paying my hard earned spondoolies onto a domain name.
In time I may migrate the crappulent data off there back to here. In time...
Why? Good question grasshopper. Unfortunately I can't be assed taking the time to respond. Suffice to say I couldn't be assed looking after hosting and paying my hard earned spondoolies onto a domain name.
In time I may migrate the crappulent data off there back to here. In time...
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