Thursday, December 16, 2010
Friday, December 10, 2010
Deciphering Appliance Icons
I'm not talking about computer icons here - but the indecipherable icons used by appliance manufacturers the world over. Especially European appliance who tout their "design" excellence - which generally translates into the inability to use them. Hell they look good though.
Came in to work this morning feeling pretty chipper. Hell, its friday and I'm in a rare good mood. Saunter up to the coffee machine (one of those stainless steel automated euro thingamees - plastered with "Design Award 2009" Stickers - hell those awards were probably made up by the magnificent bastards in their marketing cesspool). I whack my cup on the machine - select the desired strength (one notch down from "Cornholio" Strength) - And hit the button (the give me coffee now button.
The machine does its usual clicking and whirring then stops - and some weird looking light starts blinking. It looks strangely like two amoebas duelling with salad forks while its snowing all around them. By now, my lack of coffee has dropped my mood from good - to moderate and I'm a little bit miffed. After several attempts at percussive maintenance (I smacked it around a couple of times at various angles) - I had to resort to reading the manual. Fuck - I really need a coffee. After 5 minutes of navigating through the various obscure languages - I find english. OK - so its out of beans. Ok, I can deal with that.
Thank god we have spare coffee otherwise I might have started looking for a shotgun at this point. OK, fill the pissy little compartment at the top of the machine with beans (damn they smell good) - its a grind called Cafe Exotica. With a sensual name like that it outa be good. But I digress. Ok - hit the "give me a fucking coffee now you stupid machine" button again..Whir Click Whir. More fucking lights!!!
The ameobas are still lit up like a little chrismas tree but now I have an exclamation mark. WTF. So I figure I fucked up with the beans somehow. Even though its like the simplest task in the world. More percussive maintenance, few attempts at swearing at it. No dice. Ok - back to the manual. Apparently, Amoebas and Exclamation mark means something far different. It means the little tray at the back that holds the coffee remains/corpses is full. At this point I'm suprised such a tray exists as I haven't emptied it in over a year. Oh well, first time for anything. I tip the disgusting contents out into the nearest recepticle. And try again.
FUCK! Ameobas are gone - the big mofo exclamation mark defiantly remains. At this point I am about ready to teach this machine a lesson. Sure its an ininimate object and can't feel pain - but I don't care. I need coffee, and this fucking piece of meta and euro shit is testing my patience.
Yet again I attempt to decipher to holy writings of the euro coffee maker gods. Ok - exclamation mark without duelling ameobas in a snowstorm means the water is empty. At this point I consider pehas adding something with a little more kick than water, as my day has rapidly deteriorated. I resist the urge, booze is best straight up anyhow (might clean the inner workings of the machine tho...wonder if thats in the service manual). I fill up the water..and press the "give me coffee or you will be smashed into a million pieces" button - huzzah! Success! Ah crap - milk is out of date. Fuck it - at this point I don't care.
Came in to work this morning feeling pretty chipper. Hell, its friday and I'm in a rare good mood. Saunter up to the coffee machine (one of those stainless steel automated euro thingamees - plastered with "Design Award 2009" Stickers - hell those awards were probably made up by the magnificent bastards in their marketing cesspool). I whack my cup on the machine - select the desired strength (one notch down from "Cornholio" Strength) - And hit the button (the give me coffee now button.
The machine does its usual clicking and whirring then stops - and some weird looking light starts blinking. It looks strangely like two amoebas duelling with salad forks while its snowing all around them. By now, my lack of coffee has dropped my mood from good - to moderate and I'm a little bit miffed. After several attempts at percussive maintenance (I smacked it around a couple of times at various angles) - I had to resort to reading the manual. Fuck - I really need a coffee. After 5 minutes of navigating through the various obscure languages - I find english. OK - so its out of beans. Ok, I can deal with that.
Thank god we have spare coffee otherwise I might have started looking for a shotgun at this point. OK, fill the pissy little compartment at the top of the machine with beans (damn they smell good) - its a grind called Cafe Exotica. With a sensual name like that it outa be good. But I digress. Ok - hit the "give me a fucking coffee now you stupid machine" button again..Whir Click Whir. More fucking lights!!!
The ameobas are still lit up like a little chrismas tree but now I have an exclamation mark. WTF. So I figure I fucked up with the beans somehow. Even though its like the simplest task in the world. More percussive maintenance, few attempts at swearing at it. No dice. Ok - back to the manual. Apparently, Amoebas and Exclamation mark means something far different. It means the little tray at the back that holds the coffee remains/corpses is full. At this point I'm suprised such a tray exists as I haven't emptied it in over a year. Oh well, first time for anything. I tip the disgusting contents out into the nearest recepticle. And try again.
FUCK! Ameobas are gone - the big mofo exclamation mark defiantly remains. At this point I am about ready to teach this machine a lesson. Sure its an ininimate object and can't feel pain - but I don't care. I need coffee, and this fucking piece of meta and euro shit is testing my patience.
Yet again I attempt to decipher to holy writings of the euro coffee maker gods. Ok - exclamation mark without duelling ameobas in a snowstorm means the water is empty. At this point I consider pehas adding something with a little more kick than water, as my day has rapidly deteriorated. I resist the urge, booze is best straight up anyhow (might clean the inner workings of the machine tho...wonder if thats in the service manual). I fill up the water..and press the "give me coffee or you will be smashed into a million pieces" button - huzzah! Success! Ah crap - milk is out of date. Fuck it - at this point I don't care.
Wednesday, December 08, 2010
Live Music
Theres nothing quite like it. I have been absent from this scene in recent years - I guess life just got in the way. Now I'm lucky to have the opportunity to see some of my favourite bands I have idolised since I was a youngster - live, in the flesh and better than ever.
Earlier this Year it was the Smashing Pumpkins. My all time favourite band. By far. I have seen the Pumpkins many times - from the '96 Mellon Collie Tour when I was still in high school - rocking the "Zero" Tshirt. To the '98 Adore Tour - picture billing corgan in a full length black vampire cape cranking out ava adore. When they broke up in 2000 - it was heart breaking. So to the false start with Zwan. So when they came back around - I had to go see them. The new lineup has the same energy and sound as the original - only Billy remains from the original 4. His voice is a strong as ever, and their new songs hark back to a pumpkins before Mellon Collie. The gig was the best I have ever seen. Intimate (by modern big band standards) - and my ears were ringing for 3 days afterwards. Rock on! My final memory was a 30 minute rendition of "gossamer". Long live the pumpkins! They are now releasing an 11 Disc compendium of their new tracks - one at a time via their web store - no record label - no bullshit. Just raw unadulterated pumpkins. Check them out @ www.smashingpumpkins.com and download the tracks for free!
Next - Its bon Jovi in December. I saw them back in '96 at Eastern Creek as a bright eyed bushy tailed youngster. It was the classic rock gig in a field. Including a violent hailstorm before the band came on. It was dirty, muddy and we all hurt like hell. But 3 hours (yes 3 hours) of Bon Jovi tunes made it all worthwhile!
Earlier this Year it was the Smashing Pumpkins. My all time favourite band. By far. I have seen the Pumpkins many times - from the '96 Mellon Collie Tour when I was still in high school - rocking the "Zero" Tshirt. To the '98 Adore Tour - picture billing corgan in a full length black vampire cape cranking out ava adore. When they broke up in 2000 - it was heart breaking. So to the false start with Zwan. So when they came back around - I had to go see them. The new lineup has the same energy and sound as the original - only Billy remains from the original 4. His voice is a strong as ever, and their new songs hark back to a pumpkins before Mellon Collie. The gig was the best I have ever seen. Intimate (by modern big band standards) - and my ears were ringing for 3 days afterwards. Rock on! My final memory was a 30 minute rendition of "gossamer". Long live the pumpkins! They are now releasing an 11 Disc compendium of their new tracks - one at a time via their web store - no record label - no bullshit. Just raw unadulterated pumpkins. Check them out @ www.smashingpumpkins.com and download the tracks for free!
Next - Its bon Jovi in December. I saw them back in '96 at Eastern Creek as a bright eyed bushy tailed youngster. It was the classic rock gig in a field. Including a violent hailstorm before the band came on. It was dirty, muddy and we all hurt like hell. But 3 hours (yes 3 hours) of Bon Jovi tunes made it all worthwhile!
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