BrainBuzz

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I'm Back!

Thats Right! I'm bacvk at work after what I can only describe as the best three weeks of my life. I was married to my Darling Catherine on the 24th of September at Minchin Gardens, Richmond. It was an absolutely perfect day, and one I will never forget. When I get a chance, I will get the photos online!

Fiddle De De

I know I havent posted much lately, but I have been busy. So friggen lay off!! ANyways, see you all in October! Peace out!

Ordering Online

Well, checking my email this morning I have an email from an unamed company Im buying unamed merchandise from ONLINE. They basically crap on and go "oh by the way, because you paid by credit card we need two forms of ID before we will charge your card". Now for starters, Credit card was the ONLY fucking method of payment, but I digress! Now they want me to fax my drivers licence, copy of utility/credit card bill or other misc crap to them before they will charge my card. Now I ask you this, what is the fucking point of a credit card, or using it online if you have to fax shit to these knobs before they will even charge it!



I buy online so I dont have to piss about with stores, salesman and dealing with shitheads, so I find myself pissed off that I have to basically prove who the fuck I am. Just charge the fucking card!!

Welcome to Thursday

Another day another dollar. Well thats a bit of a masochistic way of looking at things, but frankly - I don't really care. I'm resigned to the inevitable, but I take heart in the fact that saturday is fast approaching. That in itself, definately will help me get through the day.



As I sit here and guzzle my coke, and munch of BBQ Shapes (breakfast of champions) I can't help but think what I would be doing if I wasn;t stuck here at work. Would I be sleeping? Watching TV, or generally doing nothing constructive. Although, I can hardly say that the shit I do day to day is always constructive. It's like pissing on a bushfire - hot, dirty, and if your not careful you will will be burnt alive. I know in IT we like to think of ourselves as firfighters, not by choice mind you, but by the mean fact that we are constantly putting out fires, fixing problems and generally running around like crazed idiots trying to save shit.



Well with that final thought, I;m going to stick my firemans hat on and head back into the fray. And remember, only you can make a difference preventing forest fires :p

Wheres my Fucking Service?

Customer service really has gone to the shithouse these days. Remember the good old days, where you were treated with respect, where you got what you paid for, where salesmen were actually helpful. These days, your lucky if you don't get violated by some totally retarded imbocile who is upset that you chose to upset their quiet day by purchasing some of their crappy products.



Well excuse me, but Im giving you money - show me some customer service asshole. The only ace up your sleeve is stooping to their level and acting like a bigger asshole. The whole circle of life then comes into play and they slink back off into that hole they crawled out of.



What more can I say? Meh.

Carefactor Zero

Yes, I know I haven't posted in a while. I believe my carefactor quotient has just dropped below critical level and I basically couldn't be bothered. That, plus I didn't have anything particularly interesting to say.



But then again, that can be said for most of my posts! Stay tuned though, I'm sure I will post some equally boring shit in coming days/weeks/months.

I Hate Tuesday

I seem to be conforming to some sort of trend here. Monday, then Tuesday. Whats next? Wednesday? Thursday. Where will it end. Do i have anything exciting to say, do I ever? I can;t be bothered writing anything so I will end this with a "have a merry f_cking day".

I Hate Monday

My favourite part of Monday is those blissful seconds just after I wake up, where I am not yet fully aware, or conscious of the fact that it is Monday. It's all downhill from there. Or am I being too melodramatic? Possibly, it is also possible that years of reading Garfield have coloured my views on the subject.



Then again, Monday might just plain suck. We shall see I guess.

Australia - The Right to Leave

Our Country has welcomed you and you are now an Australian - As an Australian you are a free person and nobody has the right to take that freedom from you.


As an Australian you have another right....



YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO LEAVE IF YOU SO CHOOSE.



After Sydney not wanting to offend other cultures by putting up Christmas lights. After hearing that the South Australian goverment changed its opinion and let a Muslim woman have her picture on her drivers license with her face covered..



This prompted this editorial written by an Australian citizen..



Published in an Australian newspaper and I quote:.

IMMIGRANTS, NOT AUSTRALIANS, MUST ADAPT..



I am tired of this nation worrying about whether we are offending some individual or their culture. Since the terrorist attacks on Bali, we have experienced a surge in patriotism by the majority of Australians..



However, the dust from the attacks had barely settled when the politically correct crowd began complaining about the possibility that our patriotism was offending others..



I am not against immigration, nor do I hold a grudge against anyone who is seeking a better life by coming to Australia..



However, there are a few things that those who have recently come to our country, and apparently some born here, need to understand..



This idea of Australia being a multicultural community has served only to dilute our sovereignty and our national identity..



As Australians, we have our own culture, our own society, our own language and our own lifestyle..



This culture has been developed over two centuries of struggles, trials and victories by millions of men and women who have sought freedom..



We do not go to your home country and attempt to change your way of life, your customs or your heritage, you would not tolerate it. Please give us the same respect you demand from us.



Many of our men and women have fought and died in countries like yours to ensure that you were free to maintain your culture, your heritage and your way of life. Nothing was asked by us in return. You were free to leave that country and make Australia your new home. Any way you look at it they died for you and for your freedom and we, as Australians are proud of them.



We speak ENGLISH, not Spanish, Lebanese, Arabic, Chinese, Japanese, Russian, or any other language. Therefore, if you wish to become part of our society-LEARN THE LANGUAGE!.




If the Southern Cross offends you, or you dont like A Fair Go, then you should seriously consider a move to another part of this planet.




We are happy with our culture and have no desire to change, and we really dont care how you did things where you came from.




This is OUR COUNTRY, OUR LAND, and OUR LIFESTYLE, and we will allow you every opportunity to enjoy all this.




But once you are done complaining, whining, and griping about Our Flag, Our Pledge, or Our Way of Life, I highly encourage you take advantage of one other great Australian freedom,




...THE RIGHT TO LEAVE.

Software Leper

What is it with people these days, you mention OpenSource in any way and they treat you like a fucking leper. Unless its Microsnot(tm) Branded shite that costs more than the national economy of paraguay, then they aren't interested. I tell you, it shits me to tears.Maybe I'm just turning into a cynical old bastard, but I tell you - this world is going to the dogs.

Bitch Bitch Bitch

I'll tell you, I'm sick of the constant bitching and moaning that goes on these days. What ever happened to freedom of choice? and a different point of view? Apprently these are both falacies, and totally devoid in todays society. Every cocksucker out there thinks they somehow have the right to tell you how to live every facet of your life according to their warped view of reality. Well guess what, this little black duck couldn't give a flying fuck. To all those assgoblins out there, go crawl a little further up your ass and stay there.

Don't leave a message .........

The most hated people in the universe ......... telephone survey-ists (is that a WORD???)

Even worse, is when you get a call, and when you pick it up you get HOLD MUSIC!!!!

Hold on a second - you called me, and now expect me to HOLD on for you to get your act together to talk to me? Apparently, it is an "important message" I am holding on for .......... if it is that important PHONE BACK!!!

Tuesdays

Another day, and a Tuesday at that! I despise Tuesdays, almost as much as Mondays, and slightly more than Wednesdays. I am fairly neutral in regards to Thursday, and Friday is definately my friend. Four more days of work really doesn;t strike me as a good thing, however I am resigned to the inevitable, so I guess I should get on with it.

The Jeebus Fish

I tell you, I am a friggen ideas man. Over the weekend I had another brilliant idea. I saw a car in front with the familiar Christian Jesus Fish, and it hit me! The jeebus fish. For all those who aren't Simpsons fan and have no idea about the Dancing Jeebus, leave now...



When Homer was the mysterious "Mr X" he had a webpage he used to post all his gossip! On this page was about 1 million little animations and shit, one of which is the Dancing Jeebus. When he is a Missionary, he also talks about Jeebus "I Don't Even Believe in jeebus", "Homer to Jeebus". Combine this with blinky the one eyed fish, and you have a Jeebus fish!! Now Im still a little sketchy on how exactly to combine these two, possibly some sort of genetic engineering, biotechnology.. who knows! But I'm going to make sure this dream turns into reality. And when it does, I'm going to live off the crappy merchandise profits.

The Freddo Diet

We hear all the time about these weird ass diets the stars are on. Hi Carbs, Low Carbs, Nothing but cabbage etc etc. Well i have devised my own Uber-Cool Diet! Its the Freddo diet. But not any normal freddos. Giant size fundraising freddos. Yummo. So far empirical evidence to support my claims is fairly good. I will have to Doctor up, err compile some more stats as my diet progresses.

More Chickens than a Chinese Airline

We have a bit of an ongoing joke here at work. Everytime someone tries to record a greeting/voicemail message on the phone system, we always make some sort of a chicken noise in the background. Sometimes its a "cluck Cluck", sometimes a "buurrrrrrrkkk", but its always there. Who the hell knows why we do it. Its a tradition. To the casual observer it would probably seem that our office is overrun with chickens of various descriptions. Hell, most of our company doesnt even know this office exists, maybe I'm not really here and I'm not typing this message. Oooh spooky.

Spatial Interference

My spacial interference quotient seems to be way too high today. And what do I mean by that? Quite simply, the number of retards/miscrients invading my personal space. Its only 8:30am, I am barely conscious, let alone able to answer the most simple of questions. Get me a short black and I might somehow mutate once again into a lifeform capable of facilitating information transfer.

Aggressive Software Pushers

Ever had software thrust apon you like it will somehow fix all your ills, and restore mankind to some sort of Nirvana? All too often I have beta software thrust apon me. And why am I asked to install it? Because its new. Thats right. Lets forget the fact that it is bleeding edge, bug infested and very very stinky. I mean, far from me being a hermit, but I prefer to only update software when there is some earth shattering reason to do it.



At home its a different story, but this is a production environment people. So get back to reading your Business/Manager Techno mags with all your interesting buzzwords and social commentary. And I will go look after the important shit.

Marks Vs the Spiders.. The battle Continues

After a relatively docile couple of days the Spiders have launched some daring patrols into the Heart of Mark-Country(tm). The little bastards not only infiltrated the sunroom,the hallway (obviously they were trying to deactivate my alarm system! genius!) but also made a daring early morning raid on my bedroom. Now, without going into endless details, suffice to say the spider and a pair of pants were very closely involved. How close? well frankly any distance involving a pair of pants, a spider and me is too close. In any event, thats one Spider that won't be coming home from the front.



Now the favourite part, the deathcount. With the latest two fatalities the Spider-Army is now missing >75 comrades. And Marks-Army, well damn. Im still standing!

Alien Gang Probe

For some reason I have this Simpsons Episode stuck in my head. Its absolutely fricken hillarious! Exerp:


Homer: But Amber, I can change!


Ned: Will you shut up?!


Homer: All right, let's get our stories straight for Marge and
Maude. [the two begin walking down the highway] We were out
buying them fabulous gifts ...


Ned: What's the occasion?


Homer: Because we love them, jackass! Anyhoo, we came out of Wal-
Mart when suddenly, one hundred spaceships ...


Ned: Homer!


Homer: You're right, you're right, fifty spaceships beamed us
aboard. They gang-probed you, while I discovered an
invention that blew their heads up and saved America.


Ned: Uh, do I have to be gang-probed?
[two vultures land on the highway behind them, first looking
at Ned and Homer, then each other]


Homer: Would you rather tell Maude the truth?


Ned: [sighs] What did the aliens look like?


Homer: Well, I only saw them from the back 'cause they were so busy
gang-probing you. Well hello, little birdie! [fade to
black]

Fiddle De De

Another day, another pack of assholes to make my life hell. I think these people must be assigned to follow me around and just generally piss me off. All i need is a baseball bat, a tazer and some cabbage and Im sure they would leave me alone.

Brisk Morning

Well, its another brisk Winter morning here in ye olde Sydney Town. Those clear skies really let the temperature plummet this time of year. I think I may have had a touch of frostbite trudging to work this morning. But I have to say, I definately like those early morning walks in Winter. The air is so clear and fresh, and while you may lose feeling to differing parts of your body, it sure is envigorating. Not quite the whole hair shampoo ad kinda envigorating, but still!



A quick coffee and Im ready to start the morning. What will today bring? I shudder to think. I can see the line of fuckwits waiting to annoy me already stretching to the horizon. However, tomorrow is the weekend. Shit, Im turning into an optomist. Or possibly a pessemistic optomist. Or something like that..

Caramello Koala - Structural Flaw Discovered

Yes, its true! The beloved Caramello Koala has a structural design flaw that is not only extremely dangerous, but highly disturbing. Unfortunately, the makers of Mister Koala have skimped on the chocolate thickness, particularly in the central quadrant somewhere around the region of his pants. The result? Any kind of light/medium pressure on the his belly and WhaM!!! Caramel everywhere!! Now this is just a total and absolute outrage! Im currently writing a letter to 60 minutes, today tonight and Jerry Springer to try and get this injustice heard!



I want vengeance dammit! Not only did one perfectly snacktacular treat turn into a hideous mess of caramel, but I wasted 5 minutes of my life washing the goo from my hands (read: the caramel you sickos!). I want compensation. I wonder if any law firms specialise in litigation for snack related mishaps?

Tiger Woods wins the Open

Well, he has done it. Tiger has won the British Open. Lucky for me, I have been on leave for 2 weeks and had the opportunity to watch all 4 rounds of the Open live. With this win Tiger has won 10 major championships (the 3rd Highest in History!), and he is not even turned 30 yet!



We are lucky enough to be able to watch one of the worlds best players in the height of their career, as our Parents would have watched the Golden Bear Jack Nicklaus, and Arnold Palmer. It was perhaps a fitting twist of fate that saw jack play his last Open Tournement at the same time that Tiger won for the second time. It was almost as if the torch has been passed.



What Makes Tiger such a great player? is it his skill, determination, ability to pull off heroic shots. Watching Tiger is full flight is absolutely awesome. Driving the 380yard Par 4 on the second day was absolutely brilliant, or his high cut 8 iron to the 17th Green. But it wasnt all roses! Tiger was having a tough day in the third round, Drives finding the gorse bush on 2 occasions - But, in True Tiger style, he battled through it with a 1 under round of 71. For that is one of his greatest qualities. To weather the storm, to keep battling when things arent going his way. That is truly the lesson we can all get from the great man. I for one am looking forward to many more years of watching Tiger attack the great courses of the world.



Congratulations on the Win Tiger!

Mark Vs Spiders (Round 2)

After a bloody war of attrition, Mark has gained the upper hand against the Spiders. In the early hours of Saturday morning, Mark made a suprise attack on the Spiders Home Base (aka Garage). Armed with a Broom, a Rake, and copious amounts of Bugspray Mark managed to drive 99% of the Spiders from Sector 1 (aka. Garage Corner #1). Over 50 spiders dead (no shit) Many of which were the heavily armed Funnelwebs, with several smaller, pissier varmits being nailed in the crossfire.



So the battle is won. But how about the war? Well things are progressing nicely. Stay tuned for more late breaking news!

Michaels Craptacular Site

Weblog

Check it out

Mark Vs The Spiders

Well anyone who knows me (and in fact some people who dont) will attest to the utter disdain I have
for Spiders. As a child I would routinely splatter the 8 legged bastardos all over my room, and in fact leave the dead bodies there to decay, and ultimately to serve as a warning to all other spiders. I also (and what kid doesnt) played around with spraying spiders with a can of bug spray just to watch them "squirm".



If i were keeping count, I reckon my stats would be pretty darn spectacular. I would be the equivalent of some sort of NFL Spider Squasher. ".




Well, after moving into my new house I think the Spider Squasher (patent pending) may be in for a fight.
Never in my life have I seen so many godforsaken spider webs. They are everywhere! All over the fences, over the deck, under the deck, around the sides of the deck. And some of the more upmarket spiders have even turned my garage into some sort of Spider Summer camp, with huge mansions all over the place.".




Now, hating spiders so much as I do I have systematically gone through and decimated their ranks starting with the house.
With 4 cans of industrial strength spider spray (ie. the shit that can kill and elephant at forty paces), a long ass broom for swatting, big ass heavy boots (for squashing) and my intuitive hatred for the fuckers. So far so good. Reports from the field are excellent. I have exterminated them from the entire house. Now for the deck and garage. Normal isnect spray here wont be any good. I need something toxic. Ponders - where can I get some depleted uranium shells?".




They reckon the cockroaches will inherit the earth? No bloody likely. Obviously they havent seen the state of my garage.
This weekend will be the ultimate grudge match. Who will win? Will Mark triumph? or will the Spiders keep their summer camp!
Stay tuned!!! Coverage is available on Foxtel mainEvent. Call your Provider for Details.

10 Days and Counting..

Thats right, another 10 days and I have to move my huge mass of shite from my current abode to my new crapshack. Damn, I had _almost_ forgotten how much moving sucks. Boxing the shit up, cleaning, moving the shit around. Its a masochists proverbial wet dream! Oh well. Shit happens. But then, there are definate bonuses to my new place. I have a double car garage. No more houdini efforts to squeeze my big ass car into a tiny ass carport. I can stretch out and park diagonally just for the hell of it.



And whats more, I will actually have broadband again. About fucking time too. I mean, don't get me wrong. For $5.95 a month dodo 56k dialup has done quite a good job, but damn..broadband is just so cool! I can't wait!



10 days and counting...

Winter Hibernation

Well, its definately winter. Im not sure exactly what gave it away. Possibly the blue hue of my fingers, or maybe it was the penguins I saw waddling past my local coffee shoppe. Now normally I'm a bit of a Winter person, but this year for some reason I just can't stand it. Maybe its time I went into hibernation for the Winter. Now that sounds like a plan!

See you in spring!

Forced Exile

Well it looks like I am being forced into exile. Apparently my abundant shitload of holidays is not a good thing and I am being forced to take some. Can exile be good? Well if you work here I would imagine so. Its like going on a paid vacation from hell - you just don't turn that sort of shit down. So starting off this season of fun, tomorrow and firday I shall be on leave. Will i be doing anything constructive? hell no. I mean, (and those that know me can vouch for me here) that I can be one of the laziest ppl on the face of the planet. No doubt there will be equally divided amounts of sleeping, watching tv and xbox time. Possibly some hooning around in my car and god knows what else. Oh well, its a living!

Let the Geekiness Begin!

Lan Game Day! 21st May, 10am - My Place! Warcraft(2/3),Starcraft,halflife(CS),UnrealTournament,Quake3,AOE
TTD,XBox Games and many more! BYO COmputer, Drinks/Snacks and Some $$$ For Pizza! Call me to RSVP!

Dont know my number? Your not invited! hehe Dont know where I live? Well I sure as hell aint posting that here either ;) I do however accept bribes.

Uptimes baby!

Just thought i would share my latest uptime casualty. 624 days of trouble free operation later, one of my Linux Boxes has had to come down for some maintenance. ie. System memory shat itself. Now I hear you trouble makers in the back row shouting "yeah that box probably doesnt do anything!". Bah!! This box in the last 624 days has served more than 20 million page hits, and this is an intranet server! Not bad eh? Now by all accounts I definately am an OpenBSD weeny, and thats the way I like it. However... if built and configured properly (eg. minimalist) than I dont mind a bit of linux on the side!

Another Monday

Im with Garfield on this one. Monday's do truly suck. Monday mornings are the worst. Especially when for some weird ass reason I am here before 8am. Maybe I am a masochist. Who knows! To make it even worst, due to its proximity to Monday ,Sunday is also tarnished with the same brush. Its like the moment before you rush hamburger hill. Mmmm Hamburger.



On the other hand, its a day closer to Saturday..

Oh Boy - what a site!!!

Sometimes in the wonderful world of the Internet, when you are surfing when you are meant to be working, you STUMBLE across a site you cannot believe to be true.

So here is a random selection of what has been discovered today :

Tiddlywinks

AND

Guide to Shooting Rubber Bands

AND FINALLY

Did you know there are millions of ways to lace your shoe?

With that, I am off to find MORE ........ :-)

What the Shit?

Maaate, what the shit? (Insert Incredibly Bad Leb Voiceover here) - Not only am I at work at 7am on a Monday Morning, but now I find Steveo is releasing a craptacular Movie? This is definately one of those fish swimming backwards moments. Im just going to crawl under my desk and hopefully today will sort itself out.



Im Scared!

Friday Afternoon Vortex

Thank goodness it is friday! As I sit here counting the moments until I am free of this dank hellhole, I wonder why the helli should even give a damn.



Fridays are so unproductive for me, I might as well be sitting at home, kicking back with a beer playing Tiger Woods Golf on my xbox. I think somewhere in the construct of my brain, there is obviously some sort of floating point error or divide by zero and my brain thinks its already the weekend.



But if its the weekend, why hasnt my heightened coding ability set in yet? Weekends are an absolute mayhem of coding fury. I write my best code on the weekend, and yet - here, now I couldnt code if my life depended on it. Now some of those who know me, may well say that is pretty much standard for me (quiet in the back). And to that I say - nunananananana BATMAN!



Well, I guess I should get back to it - whatever "it" is. If anyone finds out, can you let me know?

Who is Dr Nguyen Van Thop?

Now Ive been getting this question quite a bit lately, in fact ever since I changed my MSN Handle to this name.And I though, rather than answer another 20 times the origin of this new alias, that maybe I would save everyone the trouble and post it here.



The name is derived from a Simpsons episode. Can anyone guess which one? *thinking music* Nopes? "A StreetCar named Marge".



Lionel Hutz is burning all his personal posessions in the simpsons fireplace, he then remarks "Lionel Hutz is dead, say Hello to Miguel Sanchez". At the end of the episode the voiceover says "Lionel Hutz, AKA Miguel Sánchez, AKA Dr. Nguyen Van Falk was paid $5 for babysitting, he was glad to get it!"



Lionel Hutz, AKA Miguel Sánchez, AKA Dr. Nguyen Van Falk, is an unscrupulous ambulance-chasing "law talking guy" hired by the less affluent citizens of Springfield, mainly the Simpson family.
Note on the alias "Dr. Nguyen Van Falk" (as spelled in the closed captioning). UCLA Law Student Adam Baker says "Thoc" is a Vietnamese name while "Falk" is not, and thus his alias would be entirely Vietnamese (and entirely without credibility). Also "Nguyen" is mispronounced as "noo-yen" which can be taken as "Noonien", like from two Star Trek episodes: Khan Noonien Singh and Noonien Soong (Data's creator).



While van Falk would be the proper usage, I feel van thop gives it a little something extra ;) It is pronounced "Van-thoc" or "van-foc" in the episode, and sounds more like "van-thop" And hence...my alias.



Mattius the pirate has has taken on another of Lionel Hutz's aliases with Miguel Sanchez. The more the merrier! Get your alias today!



Here is an awesome site, its the Lionel Hutz File!

Daniel Ellsberg - Secrets: A Memoir of Vietnam and the Pentagon Papers

Daniel Ellsberg - Secrets: A Memoir of Vietnam and the Pentagon Papers



I stumbled across this by accident. I was watching a movie called funnily enough "The Pentagon Papers". Its an intriguing look at the Vietnam War, and how Ellsberg released a 7,000page top secret document. In this remarkable memoir, Ellsberg describes in detail the two years he spent in Vietnam as a U.S. State Department observer, and how he risked his career and freedom to expose the deceptions and delusions that shaped three decades of American foreign policy.



After reading some exerps from this book I will be definately buying this one!

Clickety Clack

Ahh ye olde sounds of timeless technology. The absolute pinnacle of perfection in input devices. The IBM Keyboard! No, not those new fangled plastic, dishwasher safe pieces of shite. Im talking the good old circa 1986 genuine IBM PC Keyboards.



Im convinced that there will never be a better keyboard. EVER! Its got everything, the precise feel, the reassuring click, click, Metal chassis and that superlative beige finish. With every keystroke you can feel the machinery working, and hear it too. In fact anyone within a 200 metre radius knows your using that keyboard, and probably what letter you typed.



With my latest aquisition, I now have 4 of these bad boys. Earliest - 1984, and the latest 1986 (a young-en). Im sure these will be around long after I log off this earthly terminal.

Workshop/Exam Questions - Too Boring?

Well after completing a Microsoft Course a few weeks back - WIndows 2003 Active Directory Design, I have to say - how fricken boring are the questions/workshop scenarios? Example: COmpany blah blah has two offices they want to connect to enable syncronisation between AD forests." Now by this point I am off in the land of Nod, or possibly surfing the web through the Training Centres internet connection.



Why can't those unimaginatory sloths from Microsoft Courseware make questions fun, interesting and not boring! Well never fear Microsoft Scumbags, for Mark shall make some questions for you!.





Lab Exercise 1:.



You have three sites - The bat Cave, Gotham City Police Department, and bruce Waynes mansion. Design an a network and active directory structure that allows the following:
.



1.Batman to surf porn through Gotham Citys T1 Connection to the internet

.


2 Batmans Site must not be accessable by Administrators in either of the other two sites. How will you logically seperate the sites in the AD Design? Should batman have Enterprise Admin rights? Explain why a superhero needs admin rights.
.




3 How many AD Forests will be in your design? Explain why Batman should live in a forest.




4 Enable delegation of control of bruce Waynes mansion Site to Batman if so requires.
.





5 Batman has "superfriends" that need to access his network on occasions (lan games, sharing files etc) Design an extranet to allow this to happen securely.
.




6. Robin needs remote access to Batmans cave when he is running around the city in those gay ass costumes. With security as a touchpoint - design a remote access infrastructure that will enable access, and stop him wearing tights
.




Hell, Im more interested already!

All Quiet on the Mofo Front

Yes I know, I havent been posting much on here lately. Why? Well Mofoisms is my outlet for my various rants, and lately I just havent had any.



No idea why, work is shitting me off, and while I could rant on about the infinite crapness which is work - I won't bring myself down to that level. Work talk is best left at work, and hence I won't be saying anything about my professional life.



So what else has been happening? Bunches as per usual! Just over 5 and a bit months until I am married (and I cant wait!), my usual geeky tendencies are once again running rampant (read: transport tycoon and Tiger Woods Golf!).



Im getting back to my geeky roots and writing some open source stuff again. Its been a long time coming. I code for the fun of it, for the challenge. Not for profit. So when my carefactor and general inspiration is lacking, my coding stops! Look out in the coming months for several new Releases from MofoSoft (Patent Pending)



Well, thats all folks! Ill post again when I have some more Mofo-type-stuff to post. Until then, Farewell!

New Phone For Me

Well its finally happened! Ive bought a new mobile :) Its been a long stretch since my distant purchase of a Nokia 8250 many moons ago. But dammit its time for a change.



Settled on a Motorola V3 cos its just so damn thin! An absolutely gorgeous phone with heaps of features. Need I say more?



Check it out!

Happy Tree Friends

This is so wrong and broken, and wrong and broken that it is hillarious! Check it out!! Wrong and Broken

World Wide Web (of Shit)

Sitting here pondering my own existence, and debating with myself my own pro-dustbunny stance, I turn to the web in search of something even relatively close to "interesting". No such luck. I cant remember the last time browsing the web was even close to mediocre, let alone stimulating or exciting.



Its true, the web has become the crappile of the century. Porn,illegal music downloads, porn, moronic lusers who have found out how to post to forums, porn, porn popups, popups, popups. Did I mention porn?



Stuff it. The web is overrated. Im going back to ye-old-faithful TV, or maybe the xbox... Yes..xbox..or beer. Or Beer and Xbox. Looks like my evening is planned!

uPaq / iPaq

Awhile ago I went to Singapore, and purchased a whizzbang iPaq ..... YUMMY!! For no reason other than I HAD TO HAVE ONE, had no idea what it did, what it could do .... but I was convinced I could make use of it! And I have. LOVE IT!

Jump forward to the beginning of February, and me, having continually updated my contacts list in my iPaq, decided I should "sync" it with my e-mail account (as I usually do). Hmmmmmmm, having issues, ......... tech-head friends give me NEW version of sync software ........ sync, sync, sync.

Off I go on a work sponsored trip to the City of Churches .... open the beloved iPaq to search for a number - NOTHING! NADA! ZIP! ZERO!

Tears, stamping of feet, throwing myself on the floor and screaming - to no avail. Still on contacts on the iPaq. They are not in the e-mail system, back up - HA! What? Now nothing works - the software has gone belly up!

Fast forward to TODAY - other faithful tech-head friend gives me some advice - uninstall NEW dodgy software, re-install OLD, working software, and take a chance.

SIGH - OK..... and ..... what is this ........ syncing, syncing ...... TA DA. It worked, and for the finale ........ my Contacts list re-appeared ... Don't know how, or why - and don't care ..... NOW, about that Back up option ....

This is a test Using Hello and Picasa2 From Google to post images directly from Picasa to my blog! Nifty STuff!! What is that photo? First person to guess gets a gold star!!  

TarpMan

It is true, I have become... a SuperhEro! My name is Tarpman? Why.. Well read on..



For those that know me, you would also know that I am somewhat fanatical about my car. Going within a 1metre radius of my car without permission and expect deadly force response in nanoseconds. At my new crapshack however i only have a carport. Thats right, no garage for me! So whats the Solution..Tarps!!



Now before you dimiss me as an absolute nutter, or some sort of suburbs hobo, keep reading. My delema was a complex one. How do I get all the benefits of a garage from a carport (within the confines of Rental Agreements of course -ie. no construction/holes etc).



Step 1 - Source Materials!



Trip to bunnings and I had myself some 100% waterproof quasi shadecloth (acrylic) a couple of metal channels that "supposedly" attach shadecloth and withstand gale force winds. But how to attach it? Well thats simple. I constructed a bunch of clamps - two bits of wood (one either side of the post) with bolts between them! - Channels bolt to clamps! genius!!!



Now this is fine for the sides that never open.. but the front and rear? Two mofo heavy duty tarps!!



Step 2 - Construction



After putting all this crap together I had a bit of an issue. Even with the shadecloth stretched out - there was some lateral movement (top and bottom) as the span was 3 metres!! Solution - Shadecloth attachments that snap on to Wire/Rope and a few bits of rope top and bottom!! Sorted!!



The result? I now have a fully enclosed carpport. There is some manual efort required to "deploy" the front tarp but its all good! And as the absolutely huge/dangerous storm two days ago in Sydney Proved - this shit is built solid! All tarps are still in place! No ripping, Nothing!! Whereas my back Metal shed had its door ripped off!!!!



in the future i may develop a commerically viable business just selling conversion kits for carports.. Why the Hell not?

Repetitive Stress Injury

Has anyone else experienced the extreme discomfort of using an xbox controller for extended periods of time? And im not talking about a 5 minute bash, more like 5 hours++. Both my thumbs look like they have been tenderised by a meat mallet ad nausiem. I was totally engrossed in Tiger Woods PGA Tour 2004 (awesome awesome game) and now Im walking around with two thumbs up in the air. Two thumbs up for excellent holiday fun, not.

Car Shitnat Part II

Having just read steveos post (*applause*) I thought Id throw my cowboy hat into the ring. As I currently own the crown of most money poured into a hunk of metal on wheels I thought Id share my in car experiences :)



I went down a different route to steveo and poured (literally) money into a big ass incar stereo. But not just any stereo. Having done some research I settled on a nice little piece of Alpine Kit - with native support for WMA and MP3 Discs. Cool! No more burning CDs to native format. Even supports the winamp wanky scrolling titles (ID3 tags - or inbuilt media info for WMA). Now this is pretty cool!.

But alas there is a problem. I also dumped about 3,000 buckaroos on Bosotn Accoustics Speakers (8 of them!), a couple of hipo Rockford Fosgate Amps (to drive both speakers and subs) and two big pumpin RockFord 12" Subs as well as expensive huge ass guage speaker wire through the entire car.



Problem is - MP3/WMA music - regardless of bitrate cannot match a standard CD for sound quality. To quantify this with some more empirical evidence - my surround sound DTS home theatre at home has the same problem (and thats with a digital/optical out straight to the Digital Reciever!)



Hmmm, so the quality of MP3/WMA sound is inversely proportional to the quality of the speakers/stereo you play it on! BINGO!! Solution? Audio CDs rule the roost. Its a sad fact that in this digital age that an MP3/WMA format cannot match a simple cda quality.



Oh well, if I have to burn shit to cda then I guess I have to :) Ill tell you what, nothing sounds as awesome as cranking a CD on a really good quality system!



Having said that there is rumours that Apple will release in car entertainment systems built on the Ipod. Systems (like mine) can already control ipod functions through the headunit thanks to the Alpine AINet bus which allows communication with other devices such as mobile phones as well (read: you can send/receive SMS on a nokia through AINet). Lets hope that something is done to improve the sound of MP3 based recordings.



End of Rant.

Hand Carved Magazine | Articles: Smurfing Socialists

Smurfing Socialists Im sure has done the rounds quite a bit, but damn Im bored and any opportunity to read about smurfs sounded like fun. I am, after all a Smurf (What? You didnt know?)



Hand Carved Magazine | Articles: Smurfing Socialists

Holidays for Me.. None for You!

Im baaaacckkkk. Thats right, I have taken a few precious moments from my holidays to jump online and post to my blog. Although, so far it hasnt been much of a holiday. Moving tends to knock out most of the benefits of not beeing within a 50km radius of work. But now, snugly located in my new Crib a.k.a Crapshack I am now well and truly into the holiday swing of things.



Kicking back, timtams, beer, chips and pizza. The geek staple diet. All my computer related hardware all setup/unpacked and foxtel digital sitting here just waiting to be put to use.



Im going to be very busy!

Bye Bye Mister Crapshack

Well, its almost that time. Today is my last day in this very honourable crapshack that has been home for the last 12 months. In retrospect I probably wont miss this place too much, and am looking forward to getting the hell out!



Its not a bad crapshack by any means, Im just really over it. Strata management must be licenced agents of Satan, and the presence of the complex nark has only aggrivated the strangehold that strata has over this place.



But enough of that, Im off to finish cleaning this stupid place. Fricken final inspection crap.

Exeunt

Oh well, this will be my last post for at least another month.. Why? Well for starters I am on annual leave and will be kicking back at home. The closest thing I will be doing is firing up my xbox, or continuing my quest to translate aerial photography of alaska into Simcity 4 regions - nothing even remotely close to being online :)



Now some of you may be saying "Hell, you routinely dissapear for months/years on end without posting didly squat!". Well, while totally true I thought a final buh bye post was in order. Want to contact me? Well gee, I feel so lucky. If you know me, call my mobile, if you dont - call a shrink.



I bid thee farewell!!

Paid Promotional Message

Just received an email from a work friend about a book thats hit the stands. Very interesting stuff.





I thought you may be interested in this article on the impact of the Australia-
US FTA on Australia's high-tech industries:



http://www.smh.com.au/news/Technology/Patently-yours/2004/11/25/1101219671693.html



It is based on the book "How to Kill a Country: Australia's Devastating Trade
Deal with the USA" (written by Dr Elizabeth
Thurbon, and her colleagues Professors Linda Weiss and John Mathews).





visit www.australianinterest.com for more on Australian foreign economic policy.

Now this is Sad...

So why am I posting it? THis is the Mofoisms baby! Yeah!! Full of cromulent crappulent crud..

Im Excited!

Ok, and before anyone says it..not in a "big Kev" kinda way! I found the coolest web archive site and have been surfing down memory lane looking at some of the weird and wonder creations over the years.



Heres a sneak peak:



x-y-z-files.ml.org

This site has been around as long as the hills (sounds of plucking banjos in the backgrounds). Used to be one kickass document repository. It died a sad and painful death. One of my very first sites!



www.ic-networks.com

Ahhh yes, good old ic-networks. This is possibly my second oldest site ever. I have that domain for years until i let it gracefully expire this year. At one time or another it was a portal.




parenthesis of Life

Damn i loved this site. It was a knowledge,literary repository where people could enter poems, and other literary sources. Used flat files before databases became popular and it rans for years on end. I still have dreams of reviving this one, and still to this day have heaps of the original material!




MonkeySpank

Another one of my personal favourites! Lots of fun, yet pointless and kindof sad. One day I will revive the monkey who is criogenically frozen orbiting the earth.



Centroid

Another failed web design company (how many is that now.. 3? 4?) Had the absolute coolest animated gif logo ;)~~~




There you have it.. Im a bit sad they didnt archive any of my earlier work.. But hey!! its all good!!!

Classic Sig

Courtesy of Pirate Boy (a.k.a Mattius) I thought it was an absolute crackup!



This email may not have been sent to you but someone else. If you are not that someone else but someone other than them please contact your legal department and ask them who you are. That being the case destroy this message (only after you know who I am) and then forward your own message to whoever I thought the original person was. Remember in most states and territories it is a crime to pretend to be someone you are not.

Desktop Background

May I ask the question - what gives a company the right to place downright ugly Desktop Backgrounds onto your PC?

I work for a company most of you here know. Today, upon login, my desktop background changed to a woman with glowing breasts ... flying through the sky.

Could someone please tell me what that has to do with electricity?

Thanks in advance....

Would you like Cheese with that?

Now just before I start I want to state emphatically that I am not a nutter, and I don't belong in some sort of Dark, Quasi Gothic insane asylum (ala Gothika).



Have you ever thought to yourself.. "Damn I could go some cheese right now". No? Comon!! be Honest. I mean what could be better than a big chunk of Cheddar, or Colby..mmm Colby. As a matter of fact, I could go some now. Cheese goes with everything. There is nothing that cheese cannot do. As a matter of fact, im going to start a Cheese fanclub. Who wants to join?



There are even books on the subject. "Who Stole the Cheese" is apparently a vivid tale about some sort of business/management crap (I think it was the mouse). So whos the nutter now? But wait, theres more. Theres another book called "Who Stole My Cheese" which is an absolute crackup!



Begin paid promotional message: Buy it Now!

OpenBSD 3.6 Release

OpenBSD 3.6 is out and looking fab! Latest additions include SMP Support for i386 and AMD64 (Finally!! W00t w00t) and heaps of other cool bugfixes, further security enhancements etc etc.



For those who have never heard/seen OpenBSD it is designed with Security as the highest priority. One remotely exploitable hole in 9 years aint bad!!! Check it out!



OpenBSD 3.6 Release

Music Overload

Now I'll be the first to admit that I have bought quite a few music CDs in my time (probably waaay too many) - but I have noticed that lately that I have a tendency to overload way too much on a single CD.



How is this possible? Stuffed if I know. I usually end up buying a CD, listening to it ad-nauseum for a few days, then discard it to the ever growing pile of CDs. As time progresses, the mean-time to ad-nauseum seems to be getting shorter. This indeed is a disturbing trend.



I remember the good old days where you would buy an album and listen to it for months on end, never tiring of the awesome guitar riffs, ballads etc. Could it be that in this virtual, manufactured, post-modern universe we exist in, that music has lost its soul? Who knows, or more to the point - does anyone care? After all there is so much _new_ music every single day that we now have the option to chuck it away.



And so on and so forth....

Organising Groups of Ladies (sorry Guys!)

Here is something to test your patience, or mine actually. I am planning a trip to Oaks Day on Thursday - fabulous, dressing up, pretty shoes ... la la la ... and attempting to organise 6 other ladies who also wish to go. First, it was listening to how "they have nothing to wear" - NO, last year's dress WILL NOT DO! Then how we could not possibly PRE PLAN the purchase of tickets to said event. NO, we will stand in the queue on the day for at least an hour and attempt to purchase our tickets.

But first, let's meet for breakfast - NO, we cannot plan that either - I tried, last month to arrange and book . NO! was the cry, let's just wait and see .... and now every single breakfast place is booked out, no champagne for us PRE-Races ... probably lining up at the Golden Arches ..... before herding onto the train to stand in the damn queue ...

Mantra: I will have a nice day; I will have a nice day!

Icon Wars

View Now!


Thanks to DownloadGirl for this link! Its one of the funniest things I have seen in a long time (I havent been getting out much!) Check it out!!!!

Microsoft Plans Network Through Human Body

Microsoft has been awarded a patent for a technology that uses the conductivity of the human body to create a network. The patent covering transmitting power and data using the human body was awarded in late June and is a fascinating insight into the type of personal network we may all be using within a few years, in the words of a company which will almost certainly be one of the defining players in the evolution of human computing.



Microsoft's patent covers a technology that distributes both power and data to devices (e.g. a speaker, display, watch, keyboard, etc) coupled to the human body via electrodes. A pulsed DC signal or AC signal is used as the power source, and by using multiple power supply signals of differing frequencies, different devices can be selectively powered.




View the Article



View the Patent Application

Click Clack ...

Who in their right mind would design a general use walkway in an office, and cover it with WOOD? Come on, tell me! Anyone?

Click Clack, Clomp Clomp, Shuffle Shuffle ..... bloody hell, pick up your feet, or don't wear shoes.
There's an IDEA - wear SOCKS.

"Hi, new employee. Please remove your shoes and wear these socks when walking down our wooden walkway. Less annoying for the poor losers who were unfortunate enough to get a desk that backs onto the walkway".

Still living on a promise ........ Promise we will be closing up the "hole - also known as a gap in the wall looking like a doorway" sometime in the distant future.

There will be blood spilled ...............

Brain Defrag

Another day, another thought process. Sometimes i think my brain operates quite differently depending on various environmental factors, such as - number of dipshits within a radius of 15-20 metres, current carefactor quotient, number of crunchy wheatbix I had for breakfast, number of twat drivers I had to give the finger to on the way to work, and a variety of other dependencies of course.



My general malaise and malcontent obviously is also a factor, but sometimes I really wonder. I think my brain needs to be defragged. I have so much crap stuffed all over the place that my thought processes seem to take much longer and with far less dexterity then in previous years. Could it be my brain needs to be defragged? Anyone have a util?

Rateless Internet

Rateless Internet is an Internet transport protocol implemented over UDP, meant as a better replacement of TCP. TCP's legacy design carries a number of inefficiencies, the most prominent of which is its inability to utilize most modern links' bandwidth. This problem stems from the fact that TCP calculates the congestion of the channel based on its round-trip time. The round-trim time, however, reflects not only the congestion level, but also the physical length of the connection. This is precisely why TCP is inherently unable to reach optimal speeds on long high-bandwidth connections.



A secondary, but just as impairing, property of TCP is its inability to tolerate even small amounts (1% - 3%) of packet loss. This additionally forces TCP to work at safe and relatively low transmission speeds with under 1% loss rates. Nevertheless, our extended real-life measurements show that highest throughput is generally achieved at speeds with anywhere between 3% and 5% loss.

Rateless Internet Website

Geek Sleep Patterns/Geek Apathy

Yet again, another early start. I feel like someone has injected "NoMoreGaps" directly into my brain. After months and months of quasi normal sleep patterns I feel like a zombie. And why?



And then it dawned on me. With the emergence of an almost fully functional life lately, my ye olde Geek habits have started to slip. No longer do I stay up til the break of dawn, no longer do I spend 12+ hours a day in front of my console. Maybe my body is having troubles adapting?



Afters years of strange sleep patterns I had matured into quite an elaborate sleep pattern which basically involved staying awake until my body forced me to sleep. Of course this could be arraigned by the use of over the counter "wake up" drugs and caffiene (ever tried drinking 8 black stallions in 1 hour? Dont! *TRUST ME ON THIS* - see Theory of Monkey to see what incoherant babblings resulted from that..) but in the end your lying face down on a keyboard and thats all that matters.



And so the circle of life continues.. *fade to lion king music*

Captain Obvious

I have become a new Superhero. I am Captain obvious, and I have the power to point out the completely obvious for any given situation. I walk the streets pointing out obvious details like "Its raining" or "the sky is blue" or "Project managers are stupid" or even "An arts degree is useless". There is no end to what I can achieve.



I must only use my impressive super-haman powers to annoy!

Great Weather For Ducks *quack quack*

What is the go with Sydney Weather Lately? One week we have the hottest October Day on record of a hair over 38 degrees celcius, and now we have 15 degrees and raining? Am i taking crazy pills here?



It wouldnt be so bad if I could actually see some ducks. But nooooo. Not a duck to be seen. If its such good weather for them, then why arent they all over the place? huh? Answer Me!



Be very very quiet, im hunting Quackers...

Gen X Marks the Spot

Heres one very very very kickass article..



Check it Out!




Exerp: (c) Matt Rodgers

Call them slackers at your peril. Chances are good that somewhere in your company there's a generation X employee who wants your job . . .

It was only a few years ago that many baby boomer IT executives were planning to retire early. The late 90s were heady days, and there was much talk of cashing in stock options and escaping the rat race while still young enough to enjoy life - maybe travel, maybe write a book or maybe do some fishing.

Not any more.

I'm not going to Sleep til I finish my Pyramid...

Its 2am. Silence, besides the faint theme music from the game "Pharaoh" filtering through the still night air. Sleep is not an option, I'm halfway through building a pyramid and I will be stuffed if I'm going to leave at such an important stage of the game.



Time passes.. How long can it take to build a fricken pyramid I ponder.. The little plebs are milling around moving more and more stone onto the rising structure.. Microsleeps are taking over. Even the caffiene isn't even working anymore. My goal is clear however! Finish the pyramid and I can go to sleep.



More time passes. Then some more.. and so on and so forth...



Huzzah! Finally the stupid crappy, POS thing is finished. Now I can go to sleep.. Right after I finish this level...



Damn you Pharaoh!

Look Ma! Im in Google

Try searching for mofoisms on google ;) My site is NUMBER 1. of one.. but
thats not the issue!



I'm number 1!!!! In your face space coyote!!


Google the Mofo

Alien Vs The Smurfs

After looking at another pathetic movie attempt a.k.a "Alien Vs Predator" I wondered to myself.. What would be a good match for the Alien? Then it dawned on me.. Armed Smurfs..



Ok.. quiet in the back! No I havent gone insane, and while I am slightly overdue for my compulsary monthly catscan I will continue to digress down my little meandering path of insanity.



Can you imagine, an armed militia of covert ops style smurfs. Complete with big guns, rocket launchers and whatever else (maybe axes to continue along with the current smurf technological era). The Alien wouldnt stand a chance. Once those little blue f_ckers start chopping they dont stop. I mean.. hell.. if they can handle gargamel I will back the little champs. Ill put 50 smackers on the table right now.



No I know there are some people that would say I am betting on the smurfs because (on occasion) I have actually believed I had the power to morph into a smurf. Now while this may be(read: definately) is an ability of mine, and I do know all the words to the smurf theme song I am definately an impartial party.



Patent pending, patent pending, patent pending.

Junk Proportional Theory

"DNA is a quaternary code, since at each point, there is the possibility of one of the four different acids (a, c, g or t) being present. Since the genetic sequence only needs to make up 24 chromosome parts, only 3 bases are needed (not 8, as in computers) - 42 only gives 16, so 43 is required, giving 64 combination options. That means there is a lot of "unused space" (40 unused points). At present, scientists fondly refer to this as "junk" but its use will no doubt be found in time."



Whoah you say, have I stumbled into an online copy of "New Scientist". And before you flee screaming in terror I do have a point. Whilst contemplating the meaning of the universe today I have stumbled across some interesting theories on the amount of useless shit in our little universe.



Its everywhere, even in our very DNA,its in our workplace, in our daily routines, and especially in TV. As such I have a new Theory. Its Marks Patented (Patent Pending!) "Junk Proportional Theory". Proportional to what I hear you ask? Proportional to the rational space within which it is located - thats where!



My theory dictates that for every spatial environment there is a proportional amount of useless molecules made up into an array of equally useless (and even annoying) particles of even more irrational and idiotic lifeforms or inanimate objects. These entities are basically provided by the universe as a means of balance where the Junk Entities counteract the forces of the logical entities.



Most often thismaterialises into such tripe as "Survivor" the TV Series (or pretty much any reality TV shows), project managers, business analysts,anyone with an Arts/Psycology Degree, Dog-Clothes, gnome toilet brush holders and other totally ludicrous entities..



There is plenty of empirical evidence all around us. its only a matter of time before I manage to figure out how this relates to the theory of monkey, and the theory of bear (and what evil overtones could be contained therein)..so for the moment it is a theory in isolation. Boo hoo.

Classic Games: More Addictive?

Yes, its finally happened. I bought a few "old school" games online that i used to play yonks ago and having laid my hot little hands on them yesterday I proceeded to play "Pharoah" non-stop for around 5 hours.

Now fairly similar to when you leave a PC monitor on for too long without a screensaver, i believe I may now have images from Pharaoh burned into my retina. Oh well, I could think of worst things that could happen.

For some strange incoherant reason I don't seem to have the same enthusiasm for some of the new fleet of games. Classic though still seem to be highly addictive. games like Pharoah/Cleopatra, Warcraft II, Transport Tycoon and Starcraft just seem to be so more enjoyable to play than new games like Warcraft 3. Who the hell knows why. At least the old games are cheaper. Ahh the circle of life.

billycorgan.com

Howdy Howdy, Looks like Billy Corgan (as if you dont know who he is!) Has himself quite a cool little blogski Online! Really worth a read. Go Billy!

billycorgan.com

Geekdom: When is enough too much?

Was sitting here pondering whilst basking in the early morning light (it burns..arggggg) and contemplating what kindof "screen time: if you will i spend doing geek related stuff with computers, electronics, human cloning or blasting across the alkalai flats in a jet powered monkey navigated device of some kind.



And it dawned on me... I dont spend nearly as much time as I once did... is it possible i have had some sort of geek burnout, too much code and not enough human interaction. This is indeed a possibility. Maybe there is some sort of hard limit in my brain for how many total characters of code i can write before it just shuts down.



Who the hell knows! (or cares for that matter). My preemptive malcontent seems to have expanded (like a borg) assimilating all in its path. You will be assimilated.



I bid you adieu.

Computer Interaction: Natural or Just Plain Wrong

Well Im back! Did you go somewhere I hear you ask? Well as you might have guessed from the lack of excrement eminating from this vainglorious crucible I was on leave for a week! A week? Holy Batshit Batman thats insane! Me? Take Holidays? I know the very thought is somewhat laughable *ha ha* But its true.



But wait, there are even more startling revelations. I didnt touch a computer in almost 7 days! And from that little experience I have started thinking about human/computer interaction. Now its my time to digress on an inevitable tangent..



Feels somehow strange to be using a computer again..almost unnatural! I mean, after all are humans really designed to interface continually with computers. I mean after all, were computers around when we were designed (by god, aliens planting seeds on an infertile world, darwanism a.k.a "stinky monkeys" or just plain morphed from ameobas? The answer is no. Though, after all humans did design computers, but are the interfaces they provide merely the best possible interface, or just the cheapest and easiest?



Thinking more about this and all the possibilities, I wonder why the hell I should give a damn. This post is over. Exeunt.

Early Starts: Belated or Overrated

Here i am..its before 8am and Im at my console wondering what the hell im doing here. I mean hell, i could be sleeping right now. Then the thought occured to me.. Is it huma nly possible that I enjoy early starts?



Lets look at the cons. Noone is here for one, its quiet as well a crypt (not that im a subject matter expert on crypts - I digress) there is noone to bother me! The Latte sipping, buzzword slanging, voicemail leaving gang of project managers, business analysts and other miscreants are still sound asleep. Traffic is better thats for sure, and generally speaking I am as technically close to being awake and asleep at the same time. The general miscontent hasnt set in yet, and while im not overly happy to be here, its almost - bearable. Of course with the passing of the day it will hasten a growing lack of carefactor - but that is to be expected.



Meanwhile Im going to sit back, slowly savor my mocha caramel latte and stare into the abyss! Good day to you!

Rabid Diplomacy

How many times has someone pissed you off so much that you have thought you would just snap and go nuts - like for example smacking someone with a chair, defaming them in a very very public place or maybe sending around the moose for a little "one on one" time?



I really dont mind people that take offence, damn its your god given right. What I cannot stand is people that bottle up shit and just act like utter pricks until the end of time. Theres an old saying.. Build a F**king Bridge People! Acting like utter pricks sends my personal evaluation of your character down by at least 50 Shithead points.



Did I piss you off? Let me know. Kick me in the shins, call me a moron and get it off your chest. Honestly, is that so hard! Hell I would even settle for some good old retribution, revenge or whatever. Its all good!

Memories are Designed to Fade

While im on a tangent here I might as well post one of my original works from about 5 years ago now, written in that somewhat disenchanting period between University and Real Life (now theres an oxymoron).



Caught on the neverending train journies allowed my mind to wander into a somewhat decadent world of visions and dreams. Funnily enough this is where I penned most of my earliest work. Forgive the title - it has overtones from a Savage Garden song





I sit and stare, on a crowded train;

People pass me by, the empty stares.

A thousand faces all cloaked in secrecy.

A quiet rhythm of eternity, of absolution;

an endless parade of illogical perceptions and glances.

I feel alone, outcast;

set aside from the ebbs and flows of what is, what must surely be the world around me.



My mind wanders in ever widening arcs of my subconscious.

Resistance is futile, as my thoughts are
arraigned by the world of dreams and visions.

That’s where you come to me, your pristine image dances before my eyes. I cant turn away,

I cant speak.. I am caught, enthralled by your beauty;

I cant escape. The world around me slowly slips from view...



Your voice whispers sweet nothingness in my ears,

it fills my mind with images and draws me further from the world and into your arms.

Your face is etched in my mind, wherever I turn I see you.

I look into your eyes and lose all sense of reality, all the truths I have relied upon are
shattered with the honesty I see in your eyes.
So pure and true, I am swallowed by their beauty;
In a moment of passion, my lips meet yours.

Soft as velvet, sweet as nectar..


A moment in time, captured for all time.

Locked in the memories of those who shared the perfect moment. Images and thoughts raced
through my mind.

A moment of true perfection, my world was complete, was pure.

The troubles of the world passed away as we held each other close. It feels so good. So real;

I close my eyes...



Time passes.. perhaps a moment.. or an eternity.

I open my weary eyes and am thrust back to the world I longed so much to remain apart from.

I longed for the moment to come back, to rescue me from the dull existence in the merry go
round of the modern world.



I sit and contemplate. My thoughts are filled with you, and nothing else. Memories of the
perfect moment flood back to me..


I close my eyes once More, and pray that you will steal me into the world of dreams...



Copyright 1997 - Me!!

A Lighter Shade of Black

Today im in one of those moods. You know, the dark, brooding moods where apathy is your only friend. My carefactor is so low I became bored calculating the decimal points. And what does one do when they are in a dark mood? Read dark poetry of course.



Now in my former years I have written many poems (usually when Im in one of these moods actually) But today Im reading something different.. Its "Glass and the Machines of God". Its a story written by Billy Corgan, the ex-lead singer of the smashing pumpkins and Zwan and has overtones which have been derived from the "Machina - Machines of God" Album.



Here is an exerp: (Copyright- Billy Corgan)

Read the Whole Story Here




GLASS AND THE MACHINES OF GOD / a modern fable

somewhere in the not so distant future, we may find a world of not so
subtle torments...for amidst the rubble of urban decay and barren
wastelands find wander a billion shattered souls...disconnected from
themselves by impersonal technologies and personal cause...one such
soul is the center of our story, and his name is GLASS...he is the
lead singer of THE MACHINES OF GOD, and he believes that GOD itself
has asked him to try to change the world...this poses two simple
questions: “what is important in a place such as this? and is GLASS
a prophet sage or just someone who has gone quite mad indeed?!...

but first we must go back into the decadent swirl of the past to set
the stage for what is to come...you see, GLASS used to be named zero,
and the band the smashing pumpkins, at least until zero convinced the
band to change the name of the group...they were the biggest band in
the world, so this was a very courageous move to make...one day zero
had been alone in his house, quietly listening to the radio when a
voice began to speak slowly and clearly to him...it was the voice he
had heard in his head since he was a child, but now it spoke to him
thru the radio...this voice, which came to be known as the I OF THE
RADIO, told zero that his life was predestined, and in order to
fulfill his destiny he would need to devote his life to a much higher
calling, one that would look beyond the material trappings of the
occluded world...this epiphany that he was indeed important was a life
changing and soul shattering experience, giving him newfound
confidence and spiritual purpose...he finds sudden clarity in his
spirit, but can now see the utter shallowness of his real (and
particularly) public life...this sudden change causes many around him
to distrust where all of this is coming from...but his band stands
with him when he changes his name to GLASS and rechristens the band
the now aptly titled MACHINES OF GOD...

in his heart however, GLASS secretly questions why he has been
chosen...he is both enamoured and flattered by the idea, but at the
same time is innately resistant to the responsibilities that this will
bring...in his mind, god has aligned himself with GLASS, and GLASS has
aligned himself with god...a messenger he shall be, but is he just a
c.o.g. within another c.o.g. within another machine?...he decides to
use the instrument of his band to spread the truth of life and that
love and only love can be the answer...so our story begins with GLASS
AND THE MACHINES OF GOD at the height of their material powers, with
the most devoted fans in the world, and having just changed the name
of the band, releasing their new album, entitled MACHINA...

for years our hero has searched for his true love, the woman of his
dreams, JUNE...he called her by many names hoping that there somewhere
out there she waited for him too...so one night after a concert, he
saw her, and right then and there he knew he had finally found
her...JUNE was his perfect reflection, everything that he was
not...she brings to him the universal truths of life and living, and a
life he has never had... what he does not realize then is that he has
fallen in love with a reflection of himself...she embodies the
darkness he can only write about...she lives the life of flesh and
bone, one he can only think about...so for one short period of time,
our hero once zero feels complete and whole, with god and a woman by
his side...

GLASS finds himself increasingly torn between his new love and his
true calling as a messenger...he doesn’t realize that he really
doesn’t have to make a choice between the light and her darkness... he
tries to find balance between his humanity and his spiritual
pursuits...unknown to GLASS, the hedonism and electric energy of
GLASS’ accelerated world fuel JUNE's ever increasing secret drug
problems...GLASS comes home one night to find JUNE in a drugged haze,
a vinyl record hissing endlessly on the out groove...JUNE is so out of
it that she doesn't recognize GLASS at all, as he calls to her to come
back to him...the truth revealed, GLASS sits next to her and, in a
rare moment of candor, reveals that god has been speaking to him thru
the radio, knowing full well that JUNE probably won't remember the
conversation...despite that, GLASS reveals that he has doubts about
the validity of the messages and wonders if he is going insane...

GLASS decides because he loves her so, he will try to save her as he
is trying to save everyone else, with the power of his healing...GLASS
is now on a crusade to save everyone in his life; his band, his girl,
his audience, and consequently the world...the only problem is that he
has forgotten to save himself...

GLASS begins to lose his balance on both ends when he becomes over
righteous and indignant in his beliefs, alienating those who already
believe in him and turning off potential new converts...GLASS sees
himself as some sort of cosmic preacher, and if he just shouts loud
enough the message will somehow get thru the din...JUNE, finding the
solace and power in GLASS that she couldn’t muster on her own, begins
to believe that she does not need him anymore...she has taken her fill
from his light, and like so many others that have taken from GLASS,
question whether they ever needed him at all...GLASS begins to bitter
at the prospect that he is being toyed with and used by god and
JUNE... slowly, GLASS begins to lose faith in his seemingly
unshakeable beliefs...he becomes paranoid, believing that everyone is
out to get him...the new album is released and is not well received by
the fans or the general public...for the first time since the band
began, GLASS is publicly humiliated...he begins to question the
validity of the messages, thinking perhaps they are from a false god
or that his filters of perception are misaligned... he begins to
descend into madness, accusing JUNE of disloyalty...in one final
argument, she admits she never loved him at all, and that she did hear
him tell her about being spoken to by god, and that she believes he is
insane...she tells him goodbye for the last time and storms off into
the rainy night...she loses control of her car, and is killed when it
skids off the road...GLASS blames god for the loss of JUNE, idealizing
his time with her because he can not let go of what her vision means
to his faith...he blames the fans for their betrayal at not supporting
and following the bands new direction...inconsolable, and without
informing the MACHINES, GLASS impulsively tells an audience one night
that the band is going to break up and will only play one more final,
and sadly tragic show...



the night before the final concert, GLASS has a prophetic dream that
he is a soldier in a war...he wears a uniform, but does not know who
the enemy is or even what side he is fighting for...he wanders the
empty streets, gun in hand, looking for anyone at all...in a dark
starewell he meets a faceless soldier who takes him by the hand into a
dusky basement...the soldier does not speak, and together they sit
underneath a single hanging bulb...he is just an animal, seeking
shelter, warmth, food, and love...this dream, and the MACHINES final
concert send GLASS into a disturbing tailspin...he feels truly and
utterly alone...

after the final concert GLASS is quickly forgotten by the public, and
he takes to living in an empty warehouse away from anyone at all...he
has always felt alone, but now all of the things that gave him
strength, focus, and identity are gone...he faces his own doubt and
mortality for the first time...he begins to walk by himself at dawn
thru the waking streets, and slowly finds an inner peace with his
spirit...he begins to forgive and accept the things that have happened
to him, and understand that his desire to find perfection above his
own humanity led him to things that he did not really want or
need...he begins to love and empathize with others without fear of
consequence, and so in his aloneness realizes that he was never really
alone at all... GOD has always been with him, and always will be...and
so in this moment he fulfills his destiny, both for himself and for
GOD...

Powered By Kudos

I don't know about you, but as a Geek i find most of the time I do work not out of pleasure, or because I have to but to help out a mate and in turn receieve the most priceless gift - Kudos!



In light of this fact, and the fact that I had a bit of free time, an educational *cough cough* copy of Photoshop and an urge to create some crappulence that I developed my Patented (patent pending) "Powered By Kudos" T-Shirt!

Never Trust a Bear

Now I have often delved into the intricate Bear-Human relationship in previous posts such as "The Theory of Bear" however until now I never had proof that bears were evil. Well here it is!!! I couldnt believe it.. Not only does the Bear like Bahai (or Bahooooolio) but little girls!! Now thats just sick!!!

Scanners - The Definative Test

Ever bought a scanner from your local computer store and thought to yourself "What can I scan to test this mofo out?", I know I sure have. And no..it wasn't something average like a boring piece of paper.



What may you ask? Well thats quite simple. My little friend the sock monkey had a once in a lifetime experience of being jammed into a flatbed scanner and scanned over and over until he asked me (quite politely) to stop..



What does this prove? Besides the fact that you can cram a sockmonkey in a Scanner? Not much.
Maybe that I have too much time on my hands, or that scanner manufacturers should design their scanners to prevent injury to an innocent sock monkey who inadvertantly crawls into a scanner.

If You Can Read this Im Busy...

Ah yes, ye olde ThinkGeek Attire. There is no way on this earth that you can have too many ThinkGeek Shirts (unless you have so many it covers the earth..but I digress!)



Here I am modelling the borderline work attire shirt. Sure its kinda nasty, and some may say not very professional. Oh well, thats just the Kind of guy I am!

PocketSOAP

This is an Open Source [MPL] SOAP client COM component for the Windows family, originally targeted at PocketPC (hence the name), there is also a Win32 version that works on Windows 95/98/Me/NT4/2000/XP. The package includes a HTTP 1.1 transport for making HTTP based SOAP requests, however the transport is separate from the main SOAP core, so any other transports can be easily added. James Clark's excellent Expat XML Parser is used for parsing the response SOAP messages.

PocketSOAP

Instructions for Dummies

"Aim towards the enemy." - Instruction printed on U.S. Army rocket
launcher


"When the pin is pulled, Mr. Grenade is not our friend." - U.S. Army
training notice



"Cluster bombing from B-52s is very, very accurate. From 30,000 feet,
every
single bomb always hits the ground." - U.S. Air Force ammunition memo.



"If the enemy is in range, so are you." - Infantry Journal



"A slipping gear could let your M203 grenade launcher fire when you
least
expect
it. That would make you quite unpopular in what's left of your unit." -
Army
preventive maintenance publication



"Try to look unimportant; they may be low on ammo." - Infantry Journal



"Tracers work both ways." - U.S. Army Ordnance Corps memo.



"Five-second fuses only last three seconds." - Infantry Journal



"Bravery is being the only one who knows you're afraid." - Col. David H.
Hackworth



"If your attack is going too well, you're probably walking into an
ambush."
-
Infantry Journal



"No combat-ready unit has ever passed inspection." - Joe Gay



"Any ship can be a minesweeper - once." - Anonymous



"Never tell the Platoon Sergeant you have nothing to do." - Unknown Army
recruit



"Don't draw fire; it irritates the people around you." - Your buddies



"If you see a bomb disposal technician running, try to keep up with
him." -
U.S.
Army ordnance manual



"It is generally inadvisable to eject directly over the area you just
bombed" -
U.S. Air Force flight training manual

Empirical Evidence

Still on this whole "Friday is Longer than 24 Hours" Topic.. So far today after intensive research and study, the empirical evidence is piling up. Friday does seem to already have extended well past the 24 hour time period and it seems blatently obvious to me that it will get to the theoretical 115 hour mark!

Ill keep you posted as I continue to struggle through this time warp!

Fridays - Time Vortex or Masochistic Nightmare?

Yet again, it is friday! Yes, its true..would I lie to you? Well maybe..but I digress. How many times have you mumbled to yourself "Thank God its Friday?" I know I have many a time. Making it worst is the appearance of Friday Time vortexs consuming everything in its path. For some unknown scientific reason, friday afternoons last for approximately 10 times longer than any other weekday.



With this in mind, and the fact that a week is a set period of time (7 X 24 hours) how can this be possible? Well the answer is extremely simple.. Either the other non-friday days are shorter (which after suffering through many a weekday can strongly contest that this is utter dribble) or the weekend days are shorter!!



Now this makes perfect sense, how many times have you said "Why is the weekend so short?" So.. if the weekdays are longer (but friday 10 times longer than any other weekday) and the weekends are shorter..

Given the following assumptions:



Friday is 10 Times a Normal Weekday...

Weekday is 4 times as Long as Saturday/Sunday...

Week can be no more than 168 hours...



So.. if x is a unit of measurement..



Weekday = 4x

Weekend = x

Friday = 40x



Ok now we are getting somewhere...



x = 168 / 58 (Total Hours Divided by Total Units)

x = 2.89 (rounded)



So in conclusion...



Weekdays are 11.58 Hours Long...

Saturday is 2.89 Hours (and so is sunday)



And Friday is 115.6 Hours Long! No wonder today is a time vortex!!!!

Trunk Monkeys

Was sent these rather amusing Windows Media Files by a Friend (thankyou Mattius) the other Day featuring "Trunk Monkeys" and I thought to myself - "Why the Hell do I not have trunk monkeys in my Theory Of Monkeys Compendium?"



I mean I have to say I have never ever heard of trunk monkeys, but damn I want one! Along with my very own Ebola Monkey to send on house calls to people I dislike!

But I digress!! Check em Out!



AntiTheft Trunk Monkey

AntiRoadRage Trunk Monkey


Thats my update, have a great day!

Coding For Minority Groups

Our society is run by minority groups, lets face it.. If you are a minority you can do whatever you want..run around dacking people in shorts, take a dump wherever you choose and basically sail through life demanding that society must change to accomodate you.



The same can be said for development. How many times have you had to do something ridiculous just to appease some minority that cant handle the complex task of clicking a mouse, or navigation a basic website.



I mean, FFS! How hard is it? You dont need a degree in rocket science to be able to stumble your way through a website. Yet these twats decry that all web sites should be suitable for dimwits with a lower IQ than your average toddler. Well to that I say How does get Fucked Sound?.



My new Movement GAMGIRR (Geeks Against Minority Groups Imposing Ridiculous Requests) aims to stamp out this rampant stupidity! We accept cash, checks, travellors checks and whatever else you want to hurl in our general direction.

Perpetual Motion or how rocket ships fly.

You thought you had it all worked out didn't you?

Question: If you drop a buttered piece of bread, it will always land butter side down. But when you drop a cat it will always land on its feet. What would happen if you took a piece of buttered bread, strapped it on the back of a cat (butter side up) and dropped both?

Answer: Even if you are too lazy to do the experiment yourself you should be able to deduce the obvious result. The laws of butterology demand that the butter must hit the ground, and the equally strict laws of feline aerodynamics demand that the cat cannot land on its back. If the combined construct were to land, nature would have no way to resolve this paradox. Therefore it simply does not fall.
That's right! You have discovered the secret of antigravity! A buttered cat will, when released, quickly move to a height where the forces of cat-twisting and butter repulsion are in equilibrium. This equilibrium point can be modified by scraping off some of the butter -- providing lift -- or removing some of the cat's limbs, allowing descent.

Most of the civilized species of the Universe already use this principle to drive their ships within planetary systems. The loud humming heard by most sighters of UFOs is, in fact, the purring of several hundred cats.

The one obvious danger, of course, arises if the cats manage to eat the bread off their backs. In this case they will instantly plummet. Naturally the cats will land on their feet but this generally doesn't do them much good, since right after they make their landing several tons of red-hot starship and irritated aliens crash on top of them. Actually, feline starship-propulsion technology is a little more
sophisticated than that these days. If you spin a cat with buttered toast on its back in a gravitational field, the entire bi-stable assembly will keep rotating indefinitely due to the alternating gravitational attraction to the cats' feet and
the butter.

Giant arrays of thousands of cattoast modules rotating at high speeds are used to generate large amounts of electricity while the starship is within the gravitational field of a planet like Earth. That electricity is then used to heat large kettles filled with water.Ordinarily, all that heat would soon cause the water to boil. But applying the well-known "optithermal" principle that "a watched kettle doesn't boil," a specialized "watchcat" is strategically positioned to
stare at the kettles for extended periods of time. Of course, the water continues to absorb extraordinary amounts of latent heat, far beyond that which would be required to make the water boil under unwatched conditions.

Then, when the engineer determines that power is needed, a hood is dropped over the cat's head so that the ultra-superheated water is suddenly put into an "unwatched" state and immediately starts to boil, releasing huge amounts of pent-up energy as steam which can then be nozzled through jets to propel the starship around the galaxy until it starts to run down and needs to find another planet with sufficient
gravity and water (as well as cat food and kitty litter, of course).

So now you know.

Frames

This is the best site I have ever seen in my entire existence!

Click Here to be totally amazed!

Northern Exposure On DVD! and American Gothic - Comeback Kid!

How cool is that? For all you old enough to remember Northern Exposure, the oddball comedy about a small town in Alaska! Its finally out on DVD! After watching all Season One Episodes Back to Back, i wonder what the hell ever happened to that show?

And while we are on the topic of shit coming back from the dead!! American Gothic is being remade in movie form. The one season wonder will be released sometime between now and the end of time.

Frames are the Devil!

I have finally decided I will start a global campaign to hunt down and punish anyone affiliated with, using or actively developing using frames. Like welcome to 2004 people! Frames violate the whole HTML construct and should be banished into the ether (along with dust bunnies, alf lunchboxes and StarTrek Memorabilia) For all eternity! What else has pissed me off today? Fricken visio the bigest piece of shit i have ever seen!

*grumbles, random incoherant mumblings*

Bring on the Long Weekend

Damn we sure do live in the lucky country, and it seems the lucky state as well (no Im not talking about insanity, which is by default my state I choose to call home). Monday is another public holiday for us lucky bastardos.. and I for one will use this opportunity for evil.. I mean good.. err a little from Column A, a little from Column B..

Am I doing anything exciting? Well that I guess depends on your definition of exciting.
Im thinking long extended bouts of staring in to the abyss, wrestle with self loathing.. and perhaps some extreme coding sessions of 12+ hours.. The usual.

Ahh Refuge of the damned!

Boredom is Catching

Its happened, a scientific account of Boredom, and more interestingly its proportion to the mass of the Internet. And we arent just talking esoteric-style boredom here ppl!

Check it out Here

In case your too lazy to visit the link (comeone, own up you lazy bastard) Heres a brief snippet:

My brief theory of Bordem VS Mass of Internet has been written whlie, ironically, bored and even more ironically, immediately following the creation of this geek portal.

Have you ever sat at home and been so bored that you have re-coded your reticulation system to interface with your home development server so that you can water your grass while your on holiday? Or programmed all of your remotes into an IF program that you wrote at 4am so you could control every TV and stereo in your house with a keyboard?

..End of Snippet..

Want more..visit the fricken website!