Reasons Why Today Blows Big Meaty Chunks

1. The aircon at work is broken still/always
2. The hamburglars birthday is still a whole 2 months away
3. My carefactor has dropped so low that it cannot be expressed using a signed 32 bit integer
4. I'm friggen tired
5. I have so many helpdesk tickets coming out my ass that I'm walking funny

Well, that's my top 5 anyhow. I would rant further - but I am verging on delirium from my lack of sleep. This is usually about when I morph into a smurf. Well - at least I have that to look forward to I guess.

My Week

If this doesn't sum up my week - nothing will.

My Grandpa

It is with a heavy heart that I write this post. My grandfather passed away recently and looking at the amazing life he lived,
the great adventures, trials - and tribulations, and also his amazing character of mind and spirit - I sit and smile. I
remember the good times, the warmth and love.



I remember his laugh and his silly sense of humour. The many hours he spent teaching me how to be a golfer - and more importantly, how to be a good person.
He was always encouraging - never disparaging. And with a kindness that will always endure. I always wanted to grow
up and to be just like my grandpa.



I used to watch him woodworking for hours, asking stupid questions and taking notes.
For me their house was my second home as a child. And it felt like they were as much my parents as my own.



I used to love curling up on the couch in the evenings,and grandpa would regale me with stories from his colourful life.
From his time in the army, to his life in Canada before migrating to Australia and the countless trips around
australia and the rest of the world. Sometimes they would be repeated - but I didnt care. I just loved hearing them.



Memory is more indelible than ink. And there is where my grandpa will live on. He will always be with me. And every day hundreds
of little things will remind me of him. And when it does - I will stop and smile, and remember my grandfather.

Take your iPhone Rhetoric and Shove it Up Your Ass

For the last time - no I will not be buying an iPhone. I would prefer to have a giant wart the size of a colopus monkey on my ass - than to buy one of those festy pieces of shit. What is this stupid desire to have useless piece O shit gadgets? Its a shit phone, with a shit camera, with some touch screen sorcery - that costs a mint. Get over it.


Unlike the vast majority of sheep - err consumers - I don't buy shit purely because it is new. I want a phone. I don't want a camera (I already have a GOOD camera- not the useless shithouse cameras on these phones), I don't want an MP3 player, a video player, a portable tazer, or any other useless gadget. Heres an idea you fuckers - how about you make the fucking things cheaper. I couldn't give a flying fuck about a great new gadget. I would prefer a phone that doesn't break if you drop it, doesn't scratch (unless you keep it in some sort of gay ass aftermarket pouch/protector. Quality and durability - now theres a thought!



The next person who mentions an iPhone will be getting an iEnima.

Public transport and the leg Spread Epedemic

You know what shits me about traveling on the trains (yes - I know this is a friggen long list of possibilities). Its those damn morons that chuck mega legspreads when sitting on the seat next to you.



A "normal" person (and I use that term very loosely) will sit on a seat with their knees pretty close together - you know, to give the other fucker sitting next to them room to exist in time and space. These twats think its their god given right to use up every single millimeter of space - while you are crammed up against the window.



I half expect a Doctor to turn up and start saying "Come on push! Almost there" and a baby to shoot out.



Why do they do it? Fucknose. Perhaps its some sort of ritual to fend off the evil wedgie gods, or maybe they think they are some sort of dope skatie dudes - or that they just plain think they are too cool for school.



Well I have a news flash for your Walter Cronkite - You Aren't!

I am Jason Bourne

Fuck the Bourne Supremacy is on again. If I see this movie one more time I might actually start to be believe that I am Jason Bourne (again). Now don;t get me wrong. This movie does rock. I mean - shit, he jumps between buildings and through windows and shit, and nails bad guys like its going out of style - its just that the limp dicked knobs at your local paytv company seem to think that by playing one movie hundreds of times ad nauseum - that we will proclaim them gods among men - and open our wallets and credit cards to pay for their next marketing masturbatory fantasy. Also known as Foxtel HD+..



So I'm left with a few options - (1) smash the shit out of the TV to prevent the nasty covert Ops from subverting my brainwaves (2) Become Bourne and go on some sort of kickass car chase and blow some meanies to the shit (3) Have some nasty ass flashbacks to my days as a spy - possibly involving some sort of explosions and shit (4) Change the channel.



Man - don't make me choose just one! Urge to smash growing..



I hate it when these bastards ruin movies like this for me, last time this happened was with the Lizzy Maguire Movie (no wait, did I just say that out loud) - Bah fuck it.. I don't care what you think! I liked it! Except gordo - that little wheeny made me want to smack him in the nuts with a croquet mallet

TV Has Gone to the Shit

What is it with all the shit movies (or even lack thereof) of movies at all on TV these days.



When I was a kid there was a friggen movie every night at 8:30 on weekends, even even some weekdays. Now what do we get? Fuckin reality tv. Seriously, how long is this bad case of reality TV herpes going to persist? I swear, I can gain more cultural insight and entertainment value watching my dog lick her own ass.



And shit, if its not another reality TV show its another bloody Crime drama. If I see another fricken CSI show - I'm going to snap. What is this obsession with crime? If you want to see crime so badly I'll come around and smack you around with an ugly stick. Hell, there is no end to what I would do to not have to watch some lameass crime drama again.



Is this what we have been reduced to? Reality tv shows (some retard singing, dancing, joining a circus etc etc) crime dramas (CSI Mount Druitt, CSI Elevator Inspectors unit) and now we have the next lame set of reality tv shows - hairdressers. Seriously - who the fuck wants to watch a tv show where obvious morons all vie for some supreme honour of being king shit of fucking hairdresser hill.

Another Week

I know! Not very creative - but hey! I only have a certain amount of creativity to be dispensed on a weekly basis, and to hell if I'm going to use it for a simple blog post. So deal with it!

Its been one of those weeks. You know the ones. Where it would have been a far more enjoyable experience to incrementally remove my brain with a salad fork then to deal with reality.

C'est la vie - or to put it in more familiar terms - shit happens.


Well, thats about all I've got to contribute to this big giant steaming cesspool of a blog. Stay tuned for more erratic, ill timed and strangely intriguing posts from yours truly.

Tell Me Why, I don't like Projects .....

(sung to the tune of I don't like Mondays) - thanks to Sir Bob Geldof.

What IS IT with )(*^&^%&*(^ Project Managers? Do you only become a Project Manager when you can show you have NO BRAIN, no understanding of basic concepts??
(Apologies to those 2 Project Managers that DO know how to manage a project)

Sorry, needed to vent ......... that is ALL.

Quote of the Day

"Risk Everything, or Gain Nothing" - Geoffrey De Charney, 1358

Geoffrey de Charney, or Geoffroy de Charnay, was Preceptor of Normandy for the Knights Templar, burned alive along with Jacques de Molay in 1314.

Geoffrey de Charney was initially sentenced to lifetime imprisonment with de Molay, and was burned with de Molay in 1314 after both proclaimed their innocence, recanting torture-induced confessions.

I'm Bacccckkkkkkk

Holy testicle tuesday - err friday batman. Thats right! After a good 2 year hiatus Mofoisms is back in town.

Why? Good question grasshopper. Unfortunately I can't be assed taking the time to respond. Suffice to say I couldn't be assed looking after hosting and paying my hard earned spondoolies onto a domain name.

In time I may migrate the crappulent data off there back to here. In time...

No Posts?

Yes I am posting, on my new site. In the words of BonJovi "I guess I'd rather die than fade away". being that dying really isnt an option, go checkout my new site www.mofoisms.com.

Rainy Weather

I love rainy weather. I'm not sure what it is about it. The cool air, the distinct smell, or just the fact that I'm at work and its not a nice day outside!


It is another one of those weeks that seem to be dragging on. I hate that. As time goes by I am convinced that the weeks are getting longer and the weekends are contracting into nothingness. Well gee, aren't I just a bright ray on sunshine this morning.

Red Dawn

So 2 years ago, i was up late one stormy night watching late night movies, when I happened to flick across to one of the Fox movie channels. A movie called Red Dawn was on, and I was immediately engrosed.



So what the hell is this movie? Well it was released back in 84, and stars a very young Patrick Swayze and Charlie Sheen. Basically, the US is invaded by Russia from the North and Cuba from the South. A group of high school students manage to escape to the mountains where they wage a war against the Russians.



Propaganda? You bet, but since when does that stop it from being one great movie! I just ordered it online after looking for it for years. Woot!

Work/Public Toilets

What is the go with public toilets, or for that matter work toilets. Is there some reason why a fully functional member of society can't hit a hole the size of a garbage bin from less than 30cm away? Seriously. I reckon a colopous monkey could have a better percentage of "hits" from inside the triangle than some of these miscrients. I'm just sick of it. If I find the local shit slinger I'm going to make them clean it up with their tongue!

Home Brew

Well its finally happened. I have indulged in my own home brew.



What homebrew? Are you crazy. Well, yes and yes. Now shut the hell up. For fathers day I bought my dad a home brew kit. He likes beer, he is constantly bored, so what the hell i figured. However, knowing my dad I placed a caveat on said beer. I told him if he had not used it in 6 months it was mine..




So, 6 weeks later my mom calls. Apparently she doesnt want it taking up space in her laundry. And bingo, I have my self a home brew kit. I love the smell of commerce in the morning! Wait a minute, thats not commerce!



I've always wondered about home brew. Something about the allure of cheap alcohol, and making shit for yourself I guess. So i open this kit up. Read the instructions (yes, im scared too). Its a Coopers home brew kit. Contains everything. Even a gimp could follow the instructions (wheres Brad when I need him).

So i mix this shit up. Looks like something from a bad chest cold or maple syrup,Water, yeast, more water and let it sit for 7 days. During this time it belches and farts out C02 and makes a whole lotta noise. During that time my laundry smelt I would imagine fairly similiar to a brewery, and After 7 days, its time to bottle. So I fill 29 of these mofo 750ml bottles with beer. And stash them somewhere cool and dark to do something.



What next? Gotta wait for this shit to like age, or grow tits or something. 14 days to 3 months (the longer the better). If I can wait that long. Im thirsty now dammit.



So stay tuned, and we will find out if it tastes like the ass end of a duck, or beer! Only time will tell!



if all goes well I may be illegally spreading Farmer Marks Homebrand Beer around. Processed the old fashioned way, in my laundry with a home brew kit. Now if that doesnt make you thirst, I dont know what will!

Awesome Quote By Edward R. Murrow

This quote was sent to me by a work geek, and it has really struck a chord with me.



"We will not walk in fear, one of another. We will not be driven by fear into an age of unreason if we dig deep in our history and doctrine and remember that we are not descended from fearful men, not from men who feared to write, to speak, to associate and to defend causes which were for the moment unpopular. We can deny our heritage and our history, but we cannot escape responsibility for the result. There is no way for a citizen of the Republic to abdicate his responsibility." - March 9, 1954, Edward R. Murrow



When America was drowning in cowardice and demagoguery, it was Murrow who hurled the spear at the terror. The spear was his See It Now television broadcast on Senator Joe McCarthy.



Murrow did not kill off McCarthy or McCarthyism, but he helped halt America's incredible slide toward a native brand of fascism. Unbelievable. You had to live through the times to know how fearful -- indeed, terrorized -- people were about speaking their minds. The cold war with Russia, the threat of a hot war with China, security programs and loyalty oaths -- all had cowed the citizens of the most powerful nation on earth into keeping their minds closed and their mouths shut. The Senate of the United States. in order not to appear Red, chose to be yellow. It was the Age of McCarthyism. Edward R. Murrow helped bring it to an end.



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Happy 2nd Birthday Mofoisms

Your the birthday, your the birthday, your the birthday boy or girl. Happy birthday Mofoisms. its hard to believe that it has been 2 years since the mofoisms opened its doors! In that time, there has been a huge pile of crap posted here. And im sure that will continue for many years to come!

Holy Comatosed Blogging Batman

Well ok, its been a little while since my last post. Ok, scrap that, a long time. Ok scrap that, an eternity. What can I say, I've been busy lately, so stop your bitching or I'll smack you like a red headed step child.



So what have I been doing that has pulled me away from my blogging duties? The usual I guess: Work and Play. I mean I cant spend every waking moment blogging away can I? That sounds like a dare.



Anyway, a big part of my time has been taken up by my new business venture with Shteeben. So far so good! We are slowly but surely taking over the world, the world as you know it! So stay tuned. Ill try and post a little more often.. No promises though!

Christmas Helpers

What is the deal with Christmas anyway? There I was on Friday standing in a queue of about 15 people waiting for the ONE sales assistant to help me ........ one down, 14 to go ......... tick tock tick tock ..........
HELLO!!!!!! There are hundreds of people willing to work over Christmas. Is it FAIR to leave this poor sod behind the electronics counter ALL BY HIMSELF??? Where is the Store Manager ...??? FFS!!!
Then, to the lady who walked up when I was BUSY being served to complain about how she wanted to buy XYZ MP3 player for her daughter and "what kind of store was this to be sold out already?"
OI!!! Bozo!!!! Buy your presents earlier!!!!
*sigh*