Fiddle De De

I know I havent posted much lately, but I have been busy. So friggen lay off!! ANyways, see you all in October! Peace out!

Ordering Online

Well, checking my email this morning I have an email from an unamed company Im buying unamed merchandise from ONLINE. They basically crap on and go "oh by the way, because you paid by credit card we need two forms of ID before we will charge your card". Now for starters, Credit card was the ONLY fucking method of payment, but I digress! Now they want me to fax my drivers licence, copy of utility/credit card bill or other misc crap to them before they will charge my card. Now I ask you this, what is the fucking point of a credit card, or using it online if you have to fax shit to these knobs before they will even charge it!



I buy online so I dont have to piss about with stores, salesman and dealing with shitheads, so I find myself pissed off that I have to basically prove who the fuck I am. Just charge the fucking card!!

Welcome to Thursday

Another day another dollar. Well thats a bit of a masochistic way of looking at things, but frankly - I don't really care. I'm resigned to the inevitable, but I take heart in the fact that saturday is fast approaching. That in itself, definately will help me get through the day.



As I sit here and guzzle my coke, and munch of BBQ Shapes (breakfast of champions) I can't help but think what I would be doing if I wasn;t stuck here at work. Would I be sleeping? Watching TV, or generally doing nothing constructive. Although, I can hardly say that the shit I do day to day is always constructive. It's like pissing on a bushfire - hot, dirty, and if your not careful you will will be burnt alive. I know in IT we like to think of ourselves as firfighters, not by choice mind you, but by the mean fact that we are constantly putting out fires, fixing problems and generally running around like crazed idiots trying to save shit.



Well with that final thought, I;m going to stick my firemans hat on and head back into the fray. And remember, only you can make a difference preventing forest fires :p

Wheres my Fucking Service?

Customer service really has gone to the shithouse these days. Remember the good old days, where you were treated with respect, where you got what you paid for, where salesmen were actually helpful. These days, your lucky if you don't get violated by some totally retarded imbocile who is upset that you chose to upset their quiet day by purchasing some of their crappy products.



Well excuse me, but Im giving you money - show me some customer service asshole. The only ace up your sleeve is stooping to their level and acting like a bigger asshole. The whole circle of life then comes into play and they slink back off into that hole they crawled out of.



What more can I say? Meh.

Carefactor Zero

Yes, I know I haven't posted in a while. I believe my carefactor quotient has just dropped below critical level and I basically couldn't be bothered. That, plus I didn't have anything particularly interesting to say.



But then again, that can be said for most of my posts! Stay tuned though, I'm sure I will post some equally boring shit in coming days/weeks/months.

I Hate Tuesday

I seem to be conforming to some sort of trend here. Monday, then Tuesday. Whats next? Wednesday? Thursday. Where will it end. Do i have anything exciting to say, do I ever? I can;t be bothered writing anything so I will end this with a "have a merry f_cking day".

I Hate Monday

My favourite part of Monday is those blissful seconds just after I wake up, where I am not yet fully aware, or conscious of the fact that it is Monday. It's all downhill from there. Or am I being too melodramatic? Possibly, it is also possible that years of reading Garfield have coloured my views on the subject.



Then again, Monday might just plain suck. We shall see I guess.

Australia - The Right to Leave

Our Country has welcomed you and you are now an Australian - As an Australian you are a free person and nobody has the right to take that freedom from you.


As an Australian you have another right....



YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO LEAVE IF YOU SO CHOOSE.



After Sydney not wanting to offend other cultures by putting up Christmas lights. After hearing that the South Australian goverment changed its opinion and let a Muslim woman have her picture on her drivers license with her face covered..



This prompted this editorial written by an Australian citizen..



Published in an Australian newspaper and I quote:.

IMMIGRANTS, NOT AUSTRALIANS, MUST ADAPT..



I am tired of this nation worrying about whether we are offending some individual or their culture. Since the terrorist attacks on Bali, we have experienced a surge in patriotism by the majority of Australians..



However, the dust from the attacks had barely settled when the politically correct crowd began complaining about the possibility that our patriotism was offending others..



I am not against immigration, nor do I hold a grudge against anyone who is seeking a better life by coming to Australia..



However, there are a few things that those who have recently come to our country, and apparently some born here, need to understand..



This idea of Australia being a multicultural community has served only to dilute our sovereignty and our national identity..



As Australians, we have our own culture, our own society, our own language and our own lifestyle..



This culture has been developed over two centuries of struggles, trials and victories by millions of men and women who have sought freedom..



We do not go to your home country and attempt to change your way of life, your customs or your heritage, you would not tolerate it. Please give us the same respect you demand from us.



Many of our men and women have fought and died in countries like yours to ensure that you were free to maintain your culture, your heritage and your way of life. Nothing was asked by us in return. You were free to leave that country and make Australia your new home. Any way you look at it they died for you and for your freedom and we, as Australians are proud of them.



We speak ENGLISH, not Spanish, Lebanese, Arabic, Chinese, Japanese, Russian, or any other language. Therefore, if you wish to become part of our society-LEARN THE LANGUAGE!.




If the Southern Cross offends you, or you dont like A Fair Go, then you should seriously consider a move to another part of this planet.




We are happy with our culture and have no desire to change, and we really dont care how you did things where you came from.




This is OUR COUNTRY, OUR LAND, and OUR LIFESTYLE, and we will allow you every opportunity to enjoy all this.




But once you are done complaining, whining, and griping about Our Flag, Our Pledge, or Our Way of Life, I highly encourage you take advantage of one other great Australian freedom,




...THE RIGHT TO LEAVE.

Software Leper

What is it with people these days, you mention OpenSource in any way and they treat you like a fucking leper. Unless its Microsnot(tm) Branded shite that costs more than the national economy of paraguay, then they aren't interested. I tell you, it shits me to tears.Maybe I'm just turning into a cynical old bastard, but I tell you - this world is going to the dogs.

Bitch Bitch Bitch

I'll tell you, I'm sick of the constant bitching and moaning that goes on these days. What ever happened to freedom of choice? and a different point of view? Apprently these are both falacies, and totally devoid in todays society. Every cocksucker out there thinks they somehow have the right to tell you how to live every facet of your life according to their warped view of reality. Well guess what, this little black duck couldn't give a flying fuck. To all those assgoblins out there, go crawl a little further up your ass and stay there.

Don't leave a message .........

The most hated people in the universe ......... telephone survey-ists (is that a WORD???)

Even worse, is when you get a call, and when you pick it up you get HOLD MUSIC!!!!

Hold on a second - you called me, and now expect me to HOLD on for you to get your act together to talk to me? Apparently, it is an "important message" I am holding on for .......... if it is that important PHONE BACK!!!

Tuesdays

Another day, and a Tuesday at that! I despise Tuesdays, almost as much as Mondays, and slightly more than Wednesdays. I am fairly neutral in regards to Thursday, and Friday is definately my friend. Four more days of work really doesn;t strike me as a good thing, however I am resigned to the inevitable, so I guess I should get on with it.

The Jeebus Fish

I tell you, I am a friggen ideas man. Over the weekend I had another brilliant idea. I saw a car in front with the familiar Christian Jesus Fish, and it hit me! The jeebus fish. For all those who aren't Simpsons fan and have no idea about the Dancing Jeebus, leave now...



When Homer was the mysterious "Mr X" he had a webpage he used to post all his gossip! On this page was about 1 million little animations and shit, one of which is the Dancing Jeebus. When he is a Missionary, he also talks about Jeebus "I Don't Even Believe in jeebus", "Homer to Jeebus". Combine this with blinky the one eyed fish, and you have a Jeebus fish!! Now Im still a little sketchy on how exactly to combine these two, possibly some sort of genetic engineering, biotechnology.. who knows! But I'm going to make sure this dream turns into reality. And when it does, I'm going to live off the crappy merchandise profits.

The Freddo Diet

We hear all the time about these weird ass diets the stars are on. Hi Carbs, Low Carbs, Nothing but cabbage etc etc. Well i have devised my own Uber-Cool Diet! Its the Freddo diet. But not any normal freddos. Giant size fundraising freddos. Yummo. So far empirical evidence to support my claims is fairly good. I will have to Doctor up, err compile some more stats as my diet progresses.

More Chickens than a Chinese Airline

We have a bit of an ongoing joke here at work. Everytime someone tries to record a greeting/voicemail message on the phone system, we always make some sort of a chicken noise in the background. Sometimes its a "cluck Cluck", sometimes a "buurrrrrrrkkk", but its always there. Who the hell knows why we do it. Its a tradition. To the casual observer it would probably seem that our office is overrun with chickens of various descriptions. Hell, most of our company doesnt even know this office exists, maybe I'm not really here and I'm not typing this message. Oooh spooky.

Spatial Interference

My spacial interference quotient seems to be way too high today. And what do I mean by that? Quite simply, the number of retards/miscrients invading my personal space. Its only 8:30am, I am barely conscious, let alone able to answer the most simple of questions. Get me a short black and I might somehow mutate once again into a lifeform capable of facilitating information transfer.

Aggressive Software Pushers

Ever had software thrust apon you like it will somehow fix all your ills, and restore mankind to some sort of Nirvana? All too often I have beta software thrust apon me. And why am I asked to install it? Because its new. Thats right. Lets forget the fact that it is bleeding edge, bug infested and very very stinky. I mean, far from me being a hermit, but I prefer to only update software when there is some earth shattering reason to do it.



At home its a different story, but this is a production environment people. So get back to reading your Business/Manager Techno mags with all your interesting buzzwords and social commentary. And I will go look after the important shit.

Marks Vs the Spiders.. The battle Continues

After a relatively docile couple of days the Spiders have launched some daring patrols into the Heart of Mark-Country(tm). The little bastards not only infiltrated the sunroom,the hallway (obviously they were trying to deactivate my alarm system! genius!) but also made a daring early morning raid on my bedroom. Now, without going into endless details, suffice to say the spider and a pair of pants were very closely involved. How close? well frankly any distance involving a pair of pants, a spider and me is too close. In any event, thats one Spider that won't be coming home from the front.



Now the favourite part, the deathcount. With the latest two fatalities the Spider-Army is now missing >75 comrades. And Marks-Army, well damn. Im still standing!

Alien Gang Probe

For some reason I have this Simpsons Episode stuck in my head. Its absolutely fricken hillarious! Exerp:


Homer: But Amber, I can change!


Ned: Will you shut up?!


Homer: All right, let's get our stories straight for Marge and
Maude. [the two begin walking down the highway] We were out
buying them fabulous gifts ...


Ned: What's the occasion?


Homer: Because we love them, jackass! Anyhoo, we came out of Wal-
Mart when suddenly, one hundred spaceships ...


Ned: Homer!


Homer: You're right, you're right, fifty spaceships beamed us
aboard. They gang-probed you, while I discovered an
invention that blew their heads up and saved America.


Ned: Uh, do I have to be gang-probed?
[two vultures land on the highway behind them, first looking
at Ned and Homer, then each other]


Homer: Would you rather tell Maude the truth?


Ned: [sighs] What did the aliens look like?


Homer: Well, I only saw them from the back 'cause they were so busy
gang-probing you. Well hello, little birdie! [fade to
black]

Fiddle De De

Another day, another pack of assholes to make my life hell. I think these people must be assigned to follow me around and just generally piss me off. All i need is a baseball bat, a tazer and some cabbage and Im sure they would leave me alone.